71+ Little Johnny Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

Courtney Love has stated a few reasons that Kurt Cobain might have killed himself. She said it was his stomach pain in the Barbara Walters interview which is 100% bullshit because Kurt talks about having gotten his stomach problem fixed, learning to deal with the fame, and having a better outlook on life in general for like a year or so before his death.
https://youtu.be/hJtm9HomKdE
Kurt said his overdose on Rhoypnol in Rome was an accident and not a suicide attempt. Courtney love claims in an interview on Montage of Heck that Kurt found out that she planned on cheating on him but he caught her before she she cheated, freaked out, then tried to kill himself.........wait, what?
"He must have been psychic or something, I almost did one time, and he knew it. ... I have no idea how he knew it. The plan didn't ever go anywhere. Nothing happened, but ... the response to it was he took 67 Rohypnols and ended up in a coma because I thought about cheating on him. I mean, f---."
So Courtney Love admitted she had a plan, fully intended on cheating, and she obviously wasn't just thinking about it since Kurt caught on to something she was scheming. Who was she planning on cheating on Kurt with? That proves she didn't love him and that is why Kurt was getting a divorce from her, infidelity..... and she would have been absolutely screwed in divorce court. (I think Billy Corgan is a highly likely candidate for who she planned on cheating with). Kurt Cobain was having Courtney Love taken out of his will and they had a prenuptial agreement.
Last year Krist Novoselic said in an ama that there is no way Kurt was murdered because he bought a gun.......seriously? Kurt was making a lot of enemies by dropping out of tours and he knew his wife no longer loved him since she was cheating and that overdose on champagne and roofies was an attempt on his life. His friend Dylan Carlson said he bought the gun for home protection and would not have bought it if he thought Kurt was suicidal at all. Kurt went into hiding and bought a gun, how can Krist not know this? Kurt always had guns until Courtney called the cops saying he was suicidal (which turned out to be a lie) and they took his guns so why does Krist act like buying a gun was out of character for him?
Either Kurt told Dave and Krist all of this and they are hiding stuff, or he didn't trust them enough to confide in them that Courtney was cheating and scared for his life ......both are very suspicious possibilities. They haven't even researched any of this obviously, they want this past buried.
Who could Kurt confide in? Kristen Pfaff. They talked for hours on the phone, jammed together, and Kurt and Kristen were like Kindred spirits. Kristen was so badass, she joined Hole and got hooked on heroin, but she felt like Hole was posers, got off drugs, and just finished her contract with Hole to quit and go back to her old band Janitor Joe (awesome band). She packed up all her stuff, was headed back to her old life, then was found dead of a heroin overdose in the bathtub......it made no sense at all since she was clean and all packed up. A few pages from the time Kurt was missing were torn from her diary and she was most likely another victim of foul play.
When Kristen was asked about Kurt in an interview she said "That boy broke my heart", it is possible Kurt confided in her some intimate things which she wrote in her diary, Courtney found out, and she had to go. Kurt said he liked jamming with Hole better than Nirvana and what a shame it was he couldn't just join bands together. Nirvana was pretty much done, In Utero was their last grunge album then Kurt wanted to do different things, I think it is possible Kurt and Kristen would have at least considered starting another band together, if anything as something for the future......imagine how jealous Courtney would be?
Isn't this some crazy drama? Krist and Dave piss me off, how do they not know this stuff? This is from interviews and they have to have more intimate inside information about this than I can gather through interviews and critical thinking alone, they never talk about Nirvana or Kurt and come off as having super guilty consciouses, they know more than they are saying.
Dave is just way too cool, so cool that he is overcompensating. He was "so devastated" over Kurt he couldn't play music.......for like 6 months then released all the stuff he was working on with his album, became center of attention, ripped off Kurt's style ("monkey wrench" and "I'll stick around" could easily have been Nirvana songs and they follows Kurt's exact formula, Dave's screaming of the third verse is 100% Kurt's style) but it was okay because he was in Nirvana. Dave even went the direction with Foo Fighters that Kurt described wanting to take his music in, I idolized Dave Grohl but I see right through David Grohl now, he is a phony that built off of Chad Channing's unique style with Kurt's singing style and he knows it. Shame on you David Grohl, if you really love Kurt then keep his memory alive. Same to you Krist, nobody in Kurt's life seems to honor his memory and just paints the same picture of him as the tabloids did.
There are a few youtubers who are still fighting for Justice for Kurt and someday I hope this conspiracy can be put to rest.
Here are some quotes from Kurt that paint a good picture of the direction and plans for music. I think Kristen Pfaff is why he liked jamming with Hole so much, and it is so great Kurt got to do Nirvana unplugged and live his dream of playing acoustic music like Johnny Cash, and it wasn't a joke.....it was legendary.
"It might be nice to eventually start playing acoustic guitars and be thought of as a singer and a songwriter rather than a grunge rocker, because then I might be able to take advantage of that when I'm older and sit down and play acoustic guitar like Johnny Cash or something and it won't be a big joke, who knows?"
"To tell you the truth I would rather just quit my band and join Hole, but only because when I have played music with them there's a level of connection that's a little bit higher than with anyone else I have ever played with, it's amazing, it's something that is totally satisfying for Courtney and I but completely unrealistic. We're already so intertwined with each other and most people don't even think of the band Nirvana anymore they think of Kurt and Courtney and it's just too much, it gets in the way, people would overlook the music and look into other things and it wouldn't be taken seriously. I'd like to someday, but as of now I couldn't see anything for the next five years or so, we still jam together every once and a while or so. It's a sad situation, I really wish we could just join bands"
"This album is the closing of the chapter of the formula we have been using, grunge is really kinda boring for us and that's something we can't deny and we aren't going to stop playing the old songs live. Our tastes are changing so rapidly that we're really experimenting with a lot of stuff and might get too indulgent and be really embarrassing for the next album but we can't put out another album, this is just the last chapter of three chord grunge music for us. It was an easy and safe thing for us to do but we had to get it out of our systems."
https://youtu.be/Z2ukHwDVsfw
https://youtu.be/3CTsGievjMU
https://youtu.be/1rhotCKLwcQ
If you watch some of his last interviews you will see that Kurt seemed wise beyond his years, he had grown so much from his angsty rockstar persona and seemed to have a really good head on his shoulders. I know lots of needle useing heroin addicts and they aren't like this, I just can't see Kurt killing himself with such a great outlook on life just months before his death. Everything he says contradicts the way people describe him near the end.
I see it like this, Courtney Married Kurt for the notiriety to build her band and career off of. Kurt was done with Nirvana and wanted to take a break from the band to be there for Francess but she needed Kurt to tour with. In Rome she probably considered jumping ship to her ex Billy Corgan who's band Smashing Pumpkins was doing great in case Kurt wasn't needed anymore but Kurt caught on to her.
When Kurt caught her cheating she knew she fucked up bad and that a divorce from a rock icon would not be good publicity for her album and she would have lost everything because it was for infidelity. Billy Corgan was with his future wife and that probably fell through as an option so she would be left broke with the tabloids eating her alive before she could release her album. Kurt was stereotyped as a depressed suicidal junkie so she used that. I think Cali gave him a hot shot when he got to his house in Seattle to incapacitate him then called Allen Wrench over to stage the suicide. Courtney Love played off of the sympathy from the fans and she said she wore his bloodstained clothes live and would do mock suicide type stuff.....what a monster.
Let's not forget Courtney Love was in Epstein's black book and would have connections to have this buried. Courtney love inherited a super fortune from her Bohemian grove member grandfather and might be how she got such powerful connections. How rich was she? Could she have lost half of that fortune to Kurt if she still had it and got divorced for infidelity? I wonder if they had a prenuptial agreement?
I could ramble a lot more, the amount of evidence is staggering. Look to Michael Cali Thornhill Dewitt as one of the main suspects, that slime ball is so guilty it isn't even funny and he needs to be questioned.
Actually one more thing, Courtney's lawyer found a handwriting practice sheet with all the characters from the forged part of his "suicide note". Someone took the characters she practiced and recreated the forged part of the note perfectly, case closed right?
https://youtu.be/j8hrXHS8-gA
People also think the quotes on Soaked in Bleach aren't legit, Tom Grant illegally recorded her conversations and they are on youtube for all to hear:
https://youtu.be/VcDqheogd6E
https://youtu.be/8ulsSM_SCKE
Edit: here is Allen Wrench admitting to Killing Kurt and boasting about how he will never ever be tried for his murder, he talks about the divorce and everything:
https://youtu.be/9bzJL8jcu9k
Something I realized, I can not find any quotes from Dave Grohl on the the murder theory at all, I don't ever remember him mentioning it as well. A quarter of a century and he has never even acknowledged the possibility of murder. Can anyone find anything about his thoughts on the murder theory? That is just so freaking weird to me. As a huge Nirvana fan I always want to hear stories from the band but he has given us nothing for decades.

Taking up a traditional musical instrument to play sea shanties and sea songs (for total novices or experienced musicians)

What with the current fascination with sea shanties and sea songs, I figured that some folks might be interested in trying out the musical instruments of Western sailors of the 1800s and early 1900s. While a classic shanty tended to be sung just with vocals, sailors played a variety of musical instruments popular in their eras, and in the Folk Revivals of the mid 1900s, lots of musicians did fine work adding instrumentation to the old tunes.
Maybe you’re an experienced musician looking to try a new sound after discovering sea songs, or maybe you’ve never played a note and hearing these great old tunes has inspired you to learn. In whatever case, in this little write-up I’m going to lay out some of the traditional instruments of the era which were favored by sailors, and explain for each how affordable and easy to learn they can be, and link you in some examples to listen to and places to learn more about each instrument.
I’m not a PhD musicologist, but I do have a lot of research background, been playing traditional music for over 30 years, and have a general handle on the scene and the era. And I have for over a decade done little projects online to encourage people to push their boundaries and break away from the mainstream by trying musical instruments beyond the most common ones. Being entranced by a new genre of music is a fine time to further expand your horizons by taking up an instrument and making music yourself.

WINDS * Tinwhistle * Flute (and piccolo and fife) * Trumpet
STRINGS * Guitar * Banjo (and banjo ukulele) * Fiddle * Mandolin * Ukulele
FREE REEDS * Harmonica * Concertina * Melodeon/Button Accordion * (Toy Accordion/Melodeon)
PERCUSSION * Drums * (Bodhrán)
NOT TRADITIONAL SAILOR INSTRUMENTS, BUT WOULD SOUND AWESOME WITH SHANTIES * Appalachian/Mountain dulcimer * Udu or Ibo drum * Bagpipe * Electronic Instruments
I will note before we begin, especially in the budget category, there are some real bargains but plenty of junk, so please use this article as a starting point, but read up a little on best buys. Don’t just say “oh, I dig Irish flute, and I see a new one on eBay for $50, sounds like a bargain!” and buy it without doing a little research, or you’ll get stuck wasting time and money on unplayable junk. All the more so for used instruments, which can offer great savings, but you really want to buy from a reputable dealer or a musician, or have an ironclad strategy for DIY repair, lest you get something too out of whack to learn on and too pricey to repair. Plenty of bargains, just don’t get impulsive, do just a little research before each purchase and you’ll be glad you did. There are online communities full of geeks like me for each of these instruments, who'd be happy to chat with you about choosing a good one for your money, and how you can best learn to play.
We’re looking largely at the instruments of seafaring European (and diaspora) folk of the 1800s and early 1900s, which you can note largely resembled the instruments of the working class on land, farmers and city laborers, just with an eye towards durability and portability at sea. Fortunately, many of these instruments are relatively affordable, intuitive to learn (they had to be, to catch on with a largely illiterate population that just wanted to get to playing music without fuss), and often rugged and compact for travel. I realized after I finished this article that all these instruments can be learned by ear and video without formal written study, and (with the exception of fiddle) beginner tutorials for them are written in “tablature” (numbers that say where your fingers go) rather than sheet music, making them even easier to learn for total novices.
WINDS
Wind instruments had the huge advantage of being relatively compact, simple, and affordable, and some of them had a dual purpose for signaling or for military music, or just being heard above the noise of work and waves to keep a rhythm for work or dancing.
Tinwhistle
A tinwhistle is a small metal pipe with six finger-holes, and a whistle-like mouthpiece that directs the breath onto a sharp edge that produces the note. Like a referee’s whistle but with control of the notes.
The great thing about tinwhistle is you can get a totally serviceable instrument for literally $9 or so; they’re just that cheap to make. There are professional Irish musicians who spend decades playing $9 whistles (often doing a little fine-tuning on their own to smooth them out), so they’re by no means just toys. Even if you aren’t in a hurry to learn, honestly at that price you might as well pick one up next time you’re shopping online, and give it a whirl. An instrument you could own for life for the price of a decent 6-pack. The subreddit tinwhistle can provide advice and resources, and off-Reddit there’s the specialized Chiff and Fipple Forum.
If you buy a tinwhistle as a beginner, absolutely get one in the Key of D (the most common key), because 99% of teaching materials are for D, the common key for Irish music. (You'll notice an Irish crossover trend in much of this advice). There are some tutorials for shanties online, but honestly best bet would be to use some of the tutorials for Irish tunes just to learn the basics, and then you’ll swiftly be able to transition to learning other genres by ear.
"Drunken Sailor" tinwhistle duet with concertina
Flute (including piccolo and fife)
The flute is of course a tube where you blow across a hole to make a note. Most of us have seen the classical flute in videos, silver with all those fancy mechanical keys, but the flutes of the 1800s were largely wooden and had few or no keys, just open finger-holes like the tinwhistle. In the modern day, such “simple flutes” are largely associated with folk music, especially Irish, so there are plenty on the market, including affordable ones made of synthetic materials or metals. Just don't be seduced by import "rosewood" cheapies, they're junk, one made of PVC pipe by an actual musician would be a better buy than those wall-hangers.
I made a post on Chiff and Fipple asking about affordable flutes and fifes, and got some good options under $50 for some really simple plastic tube instruments of decent make, and some finer Irish flutes turned from synthetics around $250. Flutes come in a variety of sizes, but like tinwhistles the easiest way to learn is using Irish music tutorials and then adding nautical repertoire once you have the basics down, so again probably get Key of D.
You can get a Low D flute about 2 feet long, or a High D flute (known as a fife or piccolo, or band flute) an octave above, the same rough size and pitch as a tinwhistle, just different method of blowing. The Low D instruments are pretty similar to each other, but for High D ("fife/piccolo/band flute") note some are "true fifes" made to play best at very high pitches for fife and drum music, others are meant to play smoothly at their lowest register, identical in range to a tinwhistle. So mind that distinction and ask the experts if you aren't sure which model suits your vision.
Dixon Irish flute duet with cittern (large mandolin cousin)
Modern high-quality Irish keyless piccolo
Trumpet
In my poring over old engravings and photographs, I was struck by how many showed sailors playing various trumpet-type instruments in the late 1800s, which kind of makes sense given the cultural crossover with military Naval traditions, and the volume of a trumpet which helps cut through wind and noise for signaling or dance music. I’m sure there are a zillion good write-ups on buying a basic trumpet (from $100-300), so I’ll leave you go google those or visit Trumpet.
But personally reading up for this article got even me thinking about trying my hand at a little brass. I'm honestly torn between getting one of the novel plastic "brass" instruments made for learners like pTrumpet or jHorn (around $100) because I like innovative design, or carefully buying an okay-quality used brass instrument (after consulting experts) for similar price. But I bet a whaler would've loved a plastic one if they'd been available in 1863.
"Wellerman" on trumpet
STRINGS
Guitar
In my survey of period imagery, I did indeed find some images of men at sea playing guitar, but do bear in mind that guitar in the 1800s and early 1900s was nowhere near as omnipresent as it is today, and in different forms. Plenty of other instruments were far more popular, up until the mid-1900s where guitar really became a go-to choice in the West. Note too that steel strings on guitars, as well as larger body sizes, didn’t show up much until the early 1900s, so for much of this period those who played guitar played smaller body instruments, with gut strings (nowadays nylon strings sound almost like gut but are massively more durable and affordable).
That said, tons of musicians in the Folk Revivals of the 1900s played a modern large guitar with steel strings and sounded great, so it really depends what tradition and sound you want to imitate. Again there are thousands of write-ups on taking up guitar, and plethora of new and used models, steel strings or nylon, all sizes, so I’ll leave that to you to Google or hit up LearnGuitar.
But I would encourage you to keep an open mind to guitar types to get a little more unusual flair in your musical stylings, break away from the crowd a bit. If you’re an experienced strings player, if you want to get that droning and modal sound you hear in shanties, try tuning your current guitar to the Drop D or DADGAD tunings (see DADGAD), also popular in Irish music, and I think you’ll like your results.
And if you’re a novice considering starting on guitar, I’m one of those people who believes that 2 months on a $50 ukulele and then four months on a guitar gets you further ahead than 6 months on a guitar alone, because uke is just so much more accessible for the total beginner. (Plus you’ll end up having a spare uke to carry where your guitar is inconvenient and left at home.) So if you’re considering guitar, check ukulele and ponder whether a uke of some sort could be an affordable and easy initial stage to launch your studies.
Irish jig on guitar in DADGAD tuning
"Drunken Sailor" on nylon-strung guitar
Banjo
The banjo is an instrument developed by American enslaved people, inspired by related instruments they’d known in Africa. By the mid 1800s, the banjo had crossed demographic lines and become hugely popular with European-Americans and spread to other countries, far more popular than the guitar was at the time. It was the go-to plucked string instrument for much of the 1800s.
If you’re looking to take up banjo, know that the banjos of this period had a different sound and playing style than the modern bluegrass instrument, so set aside your stereotypes and listen to some recordings of “Old Time” banjo rather than the bluegrass and country licks you’re used to hearing in soundtracks. These banjos were less piercing, mellower, and a more languid style. And much like on guitars, steel strings were less common, gut being typical and having a much softer sound (today we have nylon options). So when you go reading up “how to choose a banjo” articles or visiting Banjo (or BanjoHangout.com), look for an “open back” banjo rather than one with the heavy metal ring around the head (“resonator”) which makes it louder and sharper for bluegrass.
If you want to get really traditional, and sound softer and be easier on your fingers, spend $9 to get nylon (imitating gut) strings for a much less cliché and smoother sound. (Just note nylon strings stretch like crazy for a few days until they break in and stabilize, be patient.) Speaking of sound, absolutely don’t fall into trying to learn the modern “three-finger” or “Scruggs” style of play, which is a post-WWII styling, but read up on the old “clawhammer” or “frailing” style of play, which sounds entirely different and may pleasantly surprise you if you thought you don’t like banjo.
"Wellerman" on 5-string banjo, played clawhammer style
Nylon strings on a fretless banjo, just to show a very different sound
I will briefly mention some banjo variants other than the 5-string type we’re mostly familiar with. There is also the “tenor banjo” which has four strings, lacking that shortened fifth string off to the side on the currently popular banjos. A tenor banjo is tuned differently: depending on what strings you’re using (and you can swap the strings out for about $10) it’s tuned either like a violin/mandolin, or like a guitaukulele, so those skills cross over well, and is slightly shorter than the common 5-string.
Three Irish reels on a tenor banjo
And if you want a banjo that to one degree isn’t as historically associated with sailors, but to the other is actually surprisingly similar to the smaller and mellower banjos of the early 1800s, there’s the “banjo ukulele” hybrid which is quite affordable and easy to learn.
Frankly, if this is your first instrument and you want banjo, I’d get a banjo ukulele first rather than a 5-string, because they’re just so affordable (decent ones start around $100 new) and handy and easy to learn, and very mellow, not like the cliché sound you’d expect. And though they lack the fifth string, in the last decade or so a ton of YouTube uke experts have been developing the “clawhammer ukulele” style of play. It works impressively well on ukulele or banjo ukulele (which are played the exact same way, same online tutorials apply, they just have a different body and thus sound).
"Leave Her Johnny, Leave Her" on banjo ukulele, clawhammer style
Fiddle
The “fiddle” is physically basically the same as a violin, just played in a folk rather than classical style. There are probably millions of violins bouncing around the world, including plenty of used deals, but you really want to read up on how to find a good deal on a new or used one, because violins are a little finicky. I would also say that unless you’re extremely motivated or getting a Zoom teacher, I wouldn’t advise fiddle as your very first instrument. Because they lack frets and learning to use a bow is its own distinct skill, they have a bit of a steep initial learning curve. So you maybe want to learn a little ukulele or mandolin (which has the same fingering as fiddle) before jumping in. But that said, if you just love fiddle and are ambitious, or already have a little strings background, by all means dive on in. Learn it in standard tuning, but once you get the basics down, try "open tunings" for shanties and the like. Hit up Fiddle for advice.
The fiddle was a hugely popular instrument from the 1700s up to the mid-1900s before falling off sharply heading into the rock ‘n’ roll era. With fiddle you can cover a huge variety of historical musical traditions.
"Blow Boys Blow" on fiddle, while singing (something you don’t see classical violinists do)
Mandolin
This originally Italian instrument took on a wider popularity in the Western world around the late 1800s and early 1900s, again being more popular than guitar in many areas during that period. A mandolin has the chording ability of the guitar but the melodic dexterity of a fiddle, is nice and compact especially compared to a large modern guitar, and can be bought in a passable starter model as low as ~$99. Though if you can stretch to a budget of more like $300, you’ll really appreciate the improvement.
Plenty of used ones floating around, though buy those from a musician or reputable dealer, not from randos on eBay with something they pulled out of a closet from ages ago. Mandolins are under very high tension, and older ones that are low quality or mistreated can be warped or cracked in ways a novice can’t easily notice, but that make them unsuitable to be played. Don't jump on the first "bargain" you see, mando is common enough that you'll see bargains every other day, don't get impulsive, get advice from mandolin players online.
I will note that although mandolin had a narrower time and place of popularity than banjo or especially fiddle, it closely resembles even earlier instruments like the “English guitar”, “cittern” and “Portuguese guitar” that were more widespread, so can serve as a partial stand-in for a number of centuries and locales. Plenty of good information at mandolin awaits you if you want to take up mando.
Beginner mandolins are pretty affordable, and it's not too hard to learn, but it will take time for your hands to adjust and toughen up your finger pads. If you want to try mandolin tuning on an even more affordable instrument and with less string tension, you can get a basic starter ukulele and get Aquila's "Fifths" strings for ukulele (make sure to get the size that corresponds to the size of your uke) for $5-10 and string it in GDAE or CGDA, and then the fingerings would cross directly over to mandolin or mandola.
"Salt Water Shanty" tune on the mandolin
An example of the related "Portuguese guitar", shared between England and Portugal by the sea trade, played on the docks of Lisbon for "fado" music
"Bach 1st Cello Suite" on a ukulele re-strung to CGDA
Ukulele
The ukulele is based on traditional Portuguese small guitar-like instruments, and was introduced to the Hawaiian Islands in 1879 when the SS Ravenscrag brought over Portuguese immigrants in 1879. The instrument caught the imaginations of the local Hawaiians, and some Portuguse woodworkers who'd just arrived capitalized on that trend and began producing a local version. So certainly sailors coming and going from Hawaiian ports had a chance to become familiar with the instrument.
The ukulele is one of the easiest string instruments to play, and the skills cross directly over to guitar and other instruments. If you're new to strings I would highly suggest getting a $50-99 ukulele first to get used to strings, and then decide your best move. As noted above, a uke can be an excellent stand-in for guitar, banjo, or mandolin (especially if restrung in fifths).
"Wellerman" on a regular $40 ukulele, conventional strumming and sounding awesome
"5 Sea Shanties on Ukulele", a really great and crystal-clear tutorial for noobs by Destiny Guerra
Ukulele has a shanty contest recently, might want to check out the submissions by other Redditors of shanties on ukulele
FREE REEDS
The name “free reeds” might sound confusing, but it basically just means things like the accordion and harmonica (which despite looking so different, are close cousins). On common reed instruments like saxophone or oboe, the air tube has one reed (a flexible tongue that produces a note as it vibrates when air flows over it) that makes the core pitch, and by opening holes to change the functional length of the tube you change the note. In contrast, with free reeds, you have an array of individual reeds that always make the same note, and you choose which note(s) to play by directing air over them with a button (accordion) or by moving it against your mouth (harmonica)
Harmonica
I think most folks are familiar with the basic concept of a harmonica, so I’ll just note there are a harmonicas at every price range, all kinds of keys (and ones in minor scales and such), and a lot of harmonica players own a whole stack of them to have a variety. While there are playable ones for like $10, aim for about $25-35 or more for your first one, if able, rather than going totally cheap, just so you aren’t held back as you’re trying to learn. There are a ton of free harmonica tutorials online, and books you can buy, and harmonica to advise, so you can’t go too wrong.
The modern harmonica was invented in the 1800s (based in concept on centuries-old instruments of Southeast Asia encountered by travelers). Hohner started mass-producing barge-fulls of them in Germany shortly after the American Civil War, and exporting them to the US. While maybe we don’t think of harmonicas as a sailor thing, they were an omnipresent affordable and pocket-sized instruments, surely familiar to sailors of the period.
"Drunken Sailor" on a less-common minor-key harmonica
"Wellerman" tutorial on standard harmonica
Concertina
The association between sailors and concertina is so strong as to be almost cliché, due in large part to Hollywood portrayal, like sea shanty concertinist Alf Edwards cameoing in 1965’s “Moby Dick". The concertina is basically like a small hexagonal accordion, but a simpler and less raucous sound due to (usually) only one reed per note, and every button is an individual note rather than some buttons being chords.
Concertina is pretty intuitive to play, and there are some good free tutorials online. For a novice interested in sea shanties you probably want the “Anglo” style (different notes on push and pull, like a harmonica or melodeon). Commonly people buy the 30-button Anglo, because most concertina buyers play Irish music and you want 30 for that. But for shanties and other simple folk, you can do well with a 20-button (which can also play most Irish), which tend to be a little cheaper. I would really give a pass to the $150-200 China-made ones on Amazon and eBay, and go for at least $299 or so for a new 20b or used 30b. (Or hit up Cnet's sales subforum to ask if anyone has a bargain 20b for a noob).
While Anglo is hands-down the traditional choice of sailors, in the Folk Revivals, for whatever reason (lots of them cheap in pawnshops?) a lot of folk musicians took up the English-system concertina. The English externally looks similar but has the same note on push and pull of the bellows, so totally different playing style. Some of the most famous shanty players of the 1960s-1970s (like the fantastic Alf Edwards mentioned above) played English, which in the actual sailing days was the instrument of the wealthy, not laborers.
But y’all are in luck, because I’m a mod at Concertina and have written a pretty comprehensive Concertina FAQ and Buying Guide for novices, the sub itself can help advise with any questions, and for serious experts or to shop an active buy/sell forum for bargains, visit Concertina.net Forums.
Note for both concertina and melodeon (button accordion), “Appcordions” produces free or cheap apps for your phone or tablet which emulate concertina (Anglo, English, or Duet fingering systems) or button accordion. The apps take a little getting used to, but are fun to try out the concept before committing. Read the instructions or watch a tutorial for each to understand how to emulate bellows direction changes on an app, and they're better on tablet than phone, but passable on phone.
Modern shanty "Grogg Mayles" played on Anglo concertina (note the constant back-forth to change notes)
A. L. Lloyd singing “Off to Sea Once More” backed up by Alf Edwards on English concertina (Lloyd is my favorite shantyman of all time, and Edwards so gorgeous on English that I forgive him the heresy of passing up Anglo)
Melodeon (Button Accordion)
When modern people think “accordion” they tend to think the huge ones with a piano keyboard, such as played by Weird Al. But for much of the 1800s and early 1900s, the dominant accordion was the “melodeon” (Americans tend to call them a “button accordion”) which is generally smaller, and has one, two, or three rows of buttons instead of a piano keyboard. Like the Anglo concertina or the harmonica, a given melodeon button produces a different note when you change air direction, which means that notes that make a chord line up together, making it very intuitive to play.
There are hordes of melodeons on the used market, but ones hauled out of a closet after 40 years of no play can need hundreds of dollars of refurbishment by a skilled technician. So again don’t go buying from randos on eBay, but buy from an actual player, or reputable dealer (many of whom buy the tore-up rando ones cheap on eBay, fix them up and flip them at reasonable prices). Figuring out the good deals can be daunting to a novice, so I went to Melodeon.net and got a detailed discussion going resulting in somewhat of a novice buyer’s guide for sea shanties that you might find easier to digest.
With some hunting around the various reputable dealers, and Melodeon.net’s sales section, you can find a decent melodeon as low as $250-350 (easier still in the UK or EU where melodeon is more common). Also check out the small sub Melodeon (we may add a sticky or wicki to link dealers of affordable refurbished button accordions). Fortunately shanty players are less picky about specific keys and models, so can get some good deals on less-fashionable variants other musicians are slow to buy.
High Barbary on 2.5-row melodeon, voice and fiddle
"Bully in the Alley" tutorial on 2-row D/G melodeon
Addendum: “Toy” Accordions (Melodeons)
I will address one kind of intriguing and highly affordable option for learning the basics on melodeon. There’s a little 7-button job called a “toy accordion” made in China (the button kind, not piano kind), sold on all the major online retailers. It isn’t so much really a "toy" as it is a small functional instrument but of kinda middling materials and iffy quality control, but it is a genuine musical instrument. Funnily enough, a small and shoddy mass-produced melodeon was exactly what laborers and sailors of the mid to late 1800s played, churned out of factories in Germany at prices so low they were practically disposable. Ironically the “toy” is arguably the historically authentic option, in spirit.
I don’t want to sound like I’m shilling for Amazon, I don’t even have affiliate links to them on my YouTube channel (maybe someday), but I’m telling you now that Amazon or equivalent is a good place to get a toy accordion. That way you can buy a model and from a seller with the best reviews, and (this is vital) one with “free returns”. The QC on these is iffy, so if you get a lemon it’s great to be able to put it right back in the box, click “return” on the app, and it gets picked up off your porch or you drop it off at a local business that processes Amazon returns. And if you like you can even just re-order it with your refund until they get it right.
These “toys” run about $20-40 (I just bought an EastaMugig, and it seems pretty decent and ready to tweak), so just pick one with good reviews, ensure it has free returns, and give it a whirl. Or if you really want to cut to the chase, there are accordion “fettlers” (repairers) who will just gut a toy for you and put quality reeds in it. Currently Smythe’s Accordions is the main shop I know of doing this in the US, and will put in quality reeds in the key of your choice, into a Russian toy accordion (better quality), if you want to spend $200.
Now, if you get one into your paws that plays okay and you want to keep it, I suggest immediately opening it up and making some minor tweaks. This is one of those things all the melodeon folks casually mention and afaik nobody has bothered to make a proper tutorial on (I hope to shortly for my YouTube channel), but you can make these substantially better with very little skill. Basically put, you got seven buttons, with two notes per button, and two reeds per note to give it a tremolo/echo effect. The issue is those doubled reeds use up a lot of air, and your bellows are small, and one reed will always be more in-tune than the other. So you get some really basic tools and masking tape, pour a beer or soda, carefully open it (they’re pretty sturdy if you get a good one) and identify the two reeds for each note, lay down masking tape along one to silence it. While you’re in there, if you can identify any reeds that aren’t sounding properly, they’re probably clogged with dust, and you can google up how to carefully slide something thin like a dollar bill under the tongue to knock the dust loose and allow it to sound. Tape off one of each pair, assemble it and try it, and if a given note (now one reed per note) sounds off, make a note of which, disassemble and switch the tape from the other reed and see if the other one sounds better.
It’ll take some futzing, but no major skill and no permanent changes (do it carefully so you can still return it if it just won’t shape up). If you get it right, now it’ll be using half as much air so way easier to play, and if you like there are many other little tweaks to adjust button play, fix bellows leaks, and all that, all pretty low-skill. But fundamentally for $20-40 you can have a kinda shoddy yet effective little melodeon, much like the sailors of old, on which you can accompany sea songs.
Drunken Sailor on a decent yet stock toy accordion
Irish polkas on a toy accordion that’s been fitted with quality reeds
PERCUSSION
Looking at old sailor imagery, you generally see small snare drums and bass drums, and there seems to be a large crossover between those on civilian ships and similar ones played in the British and American navies of the era. If you’re a real stickler you can get “rope-tuned” old-school wooden snare and small bass drums (sold for fife and drum reenactors), or make do with modern used marching-band instruments.
I do want to note there is one kind of drum that’s relatively recent in tradition and wouldn’t really have been played by shanty-era sailors, but sounds absolutely amazing with shanties if you aren’t a stickler: the Irish bodhrán. It’s a relatively shallow circular shell with one drum head, held in one hand and the other hands holds a double-headed stick (like a little kayak paddle) and virtuosically skips it off the drum head in rhythmic patterns. It's pretty cool, but if you get one, learn it proper because eager noobs not bothering to learn skill and just whacking on it are a cliche in the Irish trad scene. Bodhran is tiny but has some good links, and you can always ask and see who answers.
Daniel Payne of Newfoundland sings “Wind Through the Window” while backing himself on bodhrán
NOT TRADITIONAL SAILOR INSTRUMENTS, BUT WOULD SOUND AWESOME WITH SHANTIES
I want to briefly discuss one instrument from each category that aren’t strictly historical to seafarers, but really fit in with the spirit of shanties. These would be great retcons, and one very modern wildcard at the end.
Appalachian/Mountain dulcimer
The dulcimer was likely a French or German instrument acquired by the rural folks in the Appalachian mountains of the US, and worked into the local tradition due to its simplicity. It’s a long wooden box played in the lap, tuned to open tunings, with only partial fretting, which makes it ridiculously easy to learn and accompany yourself on. I like to joke that it's the "Celtic sitar."
I taught quite a few workshops on the dulcimer for groups, and it’s about one of the easiest fretted string instruments to learn. They’re pretty affordable (you can get cardboard-bodied [seriously, they work] ones around $50, basic wooden ones around $100, ask around at dulcimer) and they have that droning and dark sound that would go great with shanties.
"Skye Boat Song" on dulcimer
Udu or Ibo drum
This percussion instrument, originating in West Africa, is a clay pot (some modern makers use synthetics) that is drummed upon, and capable of some really cool percussive sounds. Can produce a surprising number of tonal effects, I think of it as the "African tabla." Runs about $100+ for the basic synthetic models by Meinl, which are lighter and more durable than ceramic. LP makes durable ceramic ones from about $75. See the very tiny sub Udu for more info, or ask the larger community at drums.
Udu/Ibo drum solo
Bagpipe
Check your stereotypes, the Great Highland bagpipe associated with marching around in kilts (which is awesome in its own way) is only one of about 100 kinds of bagpipes, from Ireland to India and Sweden down to Libya. The Highland Pipe is loud and piercing, so not really great vocal accompaniment, but among the many other pipes are several which play at an indoor volume and lower pitch.
Among the ones I’d most recommend to someone starting pipes, in terms of affordability (roughly around $400-$500 for basic ones of these three, some bargains come in lower), availability, volume, compactness, versatility, etc. would be the Scottish Smallpipes (quieter and a full octave deeper in pitch than Highland), the Swedish bagpipes, and the German hümmelchen.
More than any other instrument on this list, for bagpipes I urge you to beware "too good to be true" deals. The reason is there is one specific outfit in Pakistan that has been turning out virtually unplayable bagpipes for export for decades, and they're all over Amazon and eBay for $100-200. They are not "well, I'll try a cheapie first and see if I want to get a nice one", they are total garbage, and the company is run by jerks because they could make a serviceable pipe in Pakistan by paying their workers 10% more and instead opt to turn hopeful noobies off piping forever with a "maybe it's a good starter" that's just trash. There are definitely good deals in piping (mainly some innovators working in synthetics, and some craftsmen in Eastern Europe with low costs of living), but the specific Pakistan pipes exported by a certain cynical company are omnipresent and a total waste. But the good news is with the slightest research you can avoid them and get some good starter pipes at reasonable price.
Give those three types of bagpipes (or others too) a listen, see what jumps out at you, drop by Bagpipes to discuss.
"Mingulay Boat Song" on Scottish smallpipes (bellows blown so the piper has breath to sing)
"Polska efter Nedergårds Lars" on Swedish bagpipes
"A Cascarexa" (Galician waltz) on hümmelchen
Electronic Instruments (maybe on your tablet or even phone to be cheap)
I’m sure many of you have seen techno remixes of "Wellerman" and whatnot, so though clearly in history those far post-date the shanty era, they do sound awfully cool (in some cases). So don’t be too shy to lay down some drum and bass lines and sing over them. There are various electronic boxes and knobs you can buy to do so, but these days a lot of what used to be $500 of fancy electronics are now emulated on your phone or tablet. Go mess with the free music apps, or read reviews and pay $10 for a good one, and get some beats going.
If you want to try out a free iOS app that's pretty intuitive for making beats, as a total novice in electronic music I've enjoyed the free phone app Figure.
Korg iKaossilator laying down drum and bass lines

Alanah Pearce's Interview with Journalists who played the 16 hour media preview

Dan's Guide to Assisting!

Wrestling Observer Rewind ★ July 25, 1988

Going through old issues of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter and posting highlights in my own words, continuing in the footsteps of daprice82. For anyone interested, I highly recommend signing up for the actual site at f4wonline and checking out the full archives.
• PREVIOUS •
1987
FUTURE YEARS ARCHIVE:
The Complete Observer Rewind Archive and 2002 by daprice82


1-4-1988	1-11-1988	1-18-1988	1-25-1988
2-1-1988	2-8-1988	2-15-1988	2-22-1988
2-29-1988	3-7-1988	3-14-1988	3-21-1988
3-28-1988	4-4-1988	4-11-1988	4-18-1988
4-25-1988	5-2-1988	5-9-1988	5-16-1988
5-23-1988	5-30-1988	6-6-1988	6-13-1988
6-20-1988	6-27-1988	7-4-1988	7-11-1988
7-18-1988	*	*	*

Bruiser Brody was stabbed by José González, known better by his ring name of Invader #1 (fuck Invader #1), and died early Sunday morning in a hospital in San Juan, Puerto Rico. González was arrested and charged with first degree murder before being released on bond. As to the motivation, this appears to be the first time in the history of the business that business reasons have been the apparent motivation for the murder of a professional wrestler. Brody had just turned 42 in June and was one of the biggest wrestling stars in the world. The San Juan police have released no official information, and various sources have conflicting details. Yeah, this is obviously going to be an evolving situation as more information comes further and then we get to the trial, so the story will shift somewhat as things become clearer.
Near as Dave can put together at this stage, this was the known context to any issues Brody and González/the promotion may have had: Apparently, during one of Brody’s most recent tours of Puerto Rico there was an incident where Brody and promoter Carlos Colón nearly got physical with one another over a match in which Brody teamed with Rocky Johnson against the World Wrestling Council’s tag champions Kendo Nagasaki and Mr. Pogo back in January. Brody ran roughshod over the champs and didn’t let either of them get anything in due to the presence of Japanese photographers at ringside. As a leading star for Giant Baba, Brody didn’t want any photos of either Pogo or Nagasaki getting anything in on him because they worked for New Japan and weren’t even main event level talent in New Japan, so it would weaken his drawing power for Baba to have images of him getting beaten up by them printed in Japan. Anyway, fast forward to the day of the stabbing, and they scheduled Brody to wrestle Danny Spivey (who’s being pushed as a top heel in Puerto Rico) in a tournament semifinal and González, who books for the promotion, layed out what the promotion wanted in the match and an argument broke out. Up to this point, all accounts that Dave has heard agree. After this point, however, the stories diverge. The account Dave considers most reliable at this stage (a clearer picture emerges starting next week) says that González and Brody kept on arguing over the finish and Brody packed his bag and was about to walk out, when González asked for him to come back and then stabbed him twice in the liver. It took nearly an hour for an ambulance to arrive at the stadium to bring Brody to the hospital 9 minutes away, and the rest of the show went on as scheduled and González even worked his scheduled match (can we talk about how eerie and uncomfortable a similarity it is that both WWF and WWC decided to let the show go on when Owen Hart died in the ring and Bruiser Brody lay dying on the locker room floor until an ambulance could get him, and that Brody’s murder happened within a week of Owen making his debut as the Blue Blazer?). Brody died on the operating table the next morning from bile poisoning, and is survived by his wife Barbara, whom he met during a wrestling tour of Australia, and his seven-year-old son Geoffrey.
At this point, Dave provides a brief obituary for Brody, real name Frank Donald Goodish. He covers Brody’s pre-wrestling career playing football and basketball in high school, playing football at the University of Iowa (shoutout to me and Big E as UIowa alums) and West Texas State University (alma mater to Ted DiBiase, Stan Hansen, Dusty Rhodes, Tully Blanchard, Dory Funk Jr., Terry Funk, Manny Fernandez, Tito Santana, Dick Murdoch, Barry Windham, and Barry Duncum Sr.) and eventually for the NFL for the Washington football team. He then became a sportswriter and bouncer in Texas before beginning his pro wrestling career in 1973, where he was an instant attraction. Until 1976 and his stint in the WWWF, he wrestled under his real name. Vince Sr. gave him the name “Bruiser” Frank Brody and put him in main events against Bruno Sammartino, which launched him to superstar status and led to his debut for All Japan in 1979, where he was a smash hit. Some have said Brody was the last truly independent attraction in wrestling, the last remnant of a version of the industry that no longer exists, able to bring down six figures for himself without giving in and submitting to a single promoter or a demanding schedule. He had a reputation for almost never doing jobs, yet remained well respected because of his incredible ability to draw and bring a big payday for the rest of the card. As much of a hit as Brody was in the ring, he became almost legendary for his out-of-the-ring activities. His move from All Japan to New Japan in March 1985 was front page news in Japan, and in December of that year he was again the biggest story when he no-showed the big tag team tournament championship match over a dispute with Inoki over an unpaid “finder’s fee” (more detail on that next week). Inoki had promised the fee for Brody hooking him up with Fritz Von Erich for talent exchanges, and this dispute almost killed his career in Japan at the peak of his popularity. Brody’s status in Japan following that was off-and-on until last year, when he returned to All Japan as a replacement for Ric Flair and rapidly ascended once again to his status of being the most popular foreign wrestler in Japan. But that’s not going to be all for a Brody obituary. 60% of next week’s issue (and in reality 90% of the actual content) is a comprehensive overview of Bruiser Brody’s life, career, his final days, his stature within the pro wrestling industry, and the potential ramifications of his death on the pro wrestling scene. So we’ll talk about the full-length obituary next week.
A few new details have come out about the car accident that resulted in the deaths of Adrian Adonis, David McKigney, and Pat Kelly. Pat Kelly was driving the minivan and swerved off the road to avoid hitting a moose. The swerve caused them to hit a rock that threw Mike Kelly and Adonis out through the windshield. McKigney and Pat Kelly drowned in the vehicle, while Mike Kelly’s legs were badly crushed and Adonis died in the hospital. Investigators have found that Pat Kelly had a blood alcohol level of 0.06, under the Canadian legal limit of 0.08 and well under the U.S. legal limit (in 1988) of 0.10. Mike Kelly has undergone surgery to repair his legs, but it’s pretty much a given that his wrestling career is over.
UWF’s incredible popularity in Japan may very well change the nature of the business in Japan, and that has New Japan and All Japan concerned. Last week, Dave reported that the UWF sold out their August show in under 6 hours to take the largest one day gate sale in wrestling history, and a top seven overall live gate for any pro wrestling event. This popularity has gotten the attention of the Japanese media, and they’re orienting their coverage of wrestling to make UWF a major focus. Gong magazine found themselves struggling with features of All Japan and foreign talent and eventually bowed to the market and started featuring UWF more prominently, picking up sales as a result, while the daily papers that cover wrestling are still primarily featuring New Japan and All Japan, though that’s mostly because of their more frequent schedules allowing for more material to be published at a daily schedule. Baba and Inoki have made significant changes in response to this popularity. Inoki made his comeback a few weeks early on the July 16 show during a prime-time tv special, and they’ve rebuilt August 8 in Ariake Coliseum as a tournament show with the winner facing Fujinami for the IWGP title in the main event. As an additional element of heat for the show, Inoki has declared that if he doesn’t win the title he’ll retire. As for All Japan, Baba’s putting on a major show on August 29 in Budokan Hall with a series of dream matches voted on by the fans. When this was announced, it was expected by everyone that Bruiser Brody vs. Stan Hansen would be voted to be the main event. Sadly, well, you read two paragraphs up and know why it can’t happen now. Dave doesn’t know it just yet, but this event will be rebuilt from the ground up as a Bruiser Brody memorial show.
At this time, Dave still doesn’t have final numbers from the Great American Bash ppv. He’s heard two very different figures: a 1.9 buyrate and a 4 buyrate. 1.9 would be a disaster, while 4 would be in line with expectations and came to Dave in “a roundabout way from a TBS source,” while 1.9 came from a source Dave has found very trustworthy and accurate in the past and would apparently be the result of the show doing buyrates of 4 to 5 in areas where Crockett is strong, while everywhere else they did much worse with sub-1 buyrates on the west coast. Dave also notes that there are two different ways to calculate buyrate (percentage of homes out of the total subscriber base of the cable company or percentage of homes which have addressable converters, the latter calculation method being the one Dave reports from), so it’s technically possible both numbers could be correct and it’s a matter of correctly assigning number to method. The difference, financially speaking, is that Crockett could either have an unprofitable total of $3 million, or a very profitable gross of $6 million.
No news on the TurneCrockett negotiations. Internally to the Crockett camp, it seems all disagreements have been smoothed out, so they’ll be presenting a united front when it comes time to resume negotiations.
Bam Bam Bigelow has quit WWF. Apparently it’s because WWF has made the travel schedule harder again (they’re making the wrestlers drive for any trips under 600 miles) and cutting back on payoffs. He also wasn’t being used well and he was unhappy with his direction and that his misuse kept him from getting over as much as he and WWF had expected. Dave expects he’ll strike out to Japan and may do a few dates in Continental, since he and Paul E. Dangerously have an association - even before he became a wrestler, Norm Keitzer’s Wrestling News Magazine featured the first national press on Bigelow written by one Paul Heyman.
Owen Hart has re-injured his knee and will be out of action for a few weeks. Dave thinks if he returns, he’ll come back without the hood.
Rick Rude has debuted new tights with Cheryl Roberts’ face on them at the recent tv tapings. The audacity of Rude’s character here is just amazing, and I love it. In other news from those tapings, Hogan and Savage came out unscheduled and destroyed the Brother Love set and Demolition vs. the Hart Foundation was announced for Summerslam. Terry Taylor made his debut teaming with Sam Houston, with Taylor turning heel on Houston after the match. Despite the strong start, Taylor has been jobbed out to Iron Sheik’s camel clutch every night since. He’s not the Red Rooster yet, though. Right now he’s “Terrible” Terry Taylor, and his finisher is the scorpion deathlock.

Watch: Rick Rude debuts his Cheryl Roberts tights

The July 9 Chicago Bash show saw the Road Warriors and Dusty Rhodes beat Flair, Anderson, and Blanchard to claim the vacant NWA six-man tag titles in a cage match where surprisingly nobody bled.
Dave has a question about the WarGames matches from this and last year. “Have you ever wondered how come in 19 War Games matches this year and three or so last year,” he ponders, “that in each and every match, the heels win the coinflip to gain the man-advantage situation? If you did, you are incapable of being a first-rate wrestling fan. But they ought to investigate that coin.** Well, Dave, 32 years from now you’ll get the chance to have some thoughts on the faces having the nominal advantage to start.
Crockett will be beating WWF to having the first wrestling show at the new Charlotte Coliseum, debuting in the building on August 27.
To show that the Alliance to End Hulkamania was just Hogan ripping off Dusty, recent NWA tv has been teasing a “council” made up of all the heel managers working together. And they have one goal: to rid the NWA of Dusty Rhodes. If it did end up happening (I'm honestly not sure it did and a quick search didn't help me figure that out), too bad the wrestlecrap from this wasn’t as memorable as the Doomsday Cage match or “Ah! It’s not hot!”
Mike Renfro, a wide receiver for the Dallas Cowboys, owns a horse he named Dr. Death. Yes, the horse is named for Renfro’s favorite wrestler, Steve Williams, and it’s winning more often than he is, too.
[NWA] The Greensboro Bash on July 16 went big with a pair of excellent matches and a $100,000 gate. Dave gives ratings from two of his sources. The reporters gave the Fantastics vs. the Midnights 4/3.5 stars and the wargames match 3/4 stars.Also, the July 14 Chattanooga Bash’s wargames match got a 5 star in the report and Dave reprints that and endorses it.
Those in charge in the NWA seem to have recognized how over Sting was on the ppv, and are preparing to push him after the Bash tour concludes. The plan is to put him in a feud with Windham as a co-main to the FlaiLuger rematches.
AWA had a very successful show on July 9 in Columbus, Nebraska. Curt Hennig was scheduled to main event against Washoo McDaniel but no-showed, so they changed the main event to Ricky Rice and John Paul vs. Diamond and Tanaka, while putting McDaniel in a team with Baron Von Raschke vs. Tijo Khan and Soldat Ustinov. Other no-shows included Jerry Sags and Brad Rheingans, the latter of whom Dave didn’t even know was back in AWA.
In a first, AWA had a wrestler turn out to be available when not advertised, when Jimmy Snuka was available for the July 16 tapings in Las Vegas. Two weeks ago on tv they announced that Snuka would not be there as originally advertised due to commitments in Japan. Snuka does have Japan commitments, but they’re not until late August. AWA being AWA, they didn’t use him. As for the taping, the program advertised Snuka, Roddy Piper, and Sgt. Slaughter as coming to AWA, and Dave really doubts that Piper’s actually going to work there. Anyway, there were a couple significant happenings, none of which were supposed to happen. Medusa beat Brandi Mae and was supposed to roll her up from behind off a distraction by Curt Hennig, but it didn’t really work right. Rocky Mountain Thunder came out to Brandi’s aid, and Hennig clotheslined him off script, which got him a chewing out from Verne. The other main events for each show of the taping all ended in over the top rope disqualifications. Oh, also Rice and Paul are going by the Top Guns rather than the New Midnight Rockers. AWA might want to check what happened in the leadup to Lethal Leap Year last year before they stick with that. Next month’s card is advertising Hector, Chavo, and Mando Guerrero vs. Diamond, Tanaka, and Diamond Dallas Page.
[OWF] Billy Jack Haynes and Kevin Kelly are feuding over both the OWF title and who has the best full nelson. Yeah, that’s a storyline that’ll keep them afloat. They’ve recently lost Blackstud Williams, Rip Oliver, Ricky Santana (didn’t even last a week), Johnny Ace (for a bit, he’ll be back in August), and Steve Gatorwolf (fuck Steve Gatorwolf). Rip Oliver was the booker, so now they have Dale Gagner (our future Gagne family impersonator) and Mike Miller booking for them. And if you wanted a good sense of how much effort Haynes is putting into his promotion, he’s only working the tv tapings in Oregon City and doesn’t work the road shows. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’d think a performer running a small promotion should be working every show, if for nothing else than to show the roster that you’re in it with them.
Black Bart was a last minute replacement for Bruiser Brody during a weeklong tour of Austria where he did the honors for Otto Wanz in a match for Wanz’s version of the world title on July 9. Brody had been originally scheduled to work with Wanz and do the job, but Brody worked out that Japanese press have been heavily covering Austrian wrestling because Masaharu Funaki is working there right now, and so he changed his mind and canceled his appearance because he didn’t want all the Japanese wrestling magazines featuring photos of him losing. In case you get any ideas and are going to ask in the comments, no, taking this booking wouldn’t have saved Brody’s life, because the tour didn’t overlap with his Puerto Rican dates. I checked.

Watch: Black Bart vs. Otto Wanz

[All Japan] Ashuara Hara suffered a big cut on July 5 and returned to action on July 9, but reinjured and is out for the rest of the tour. They’ve changed the July 29 tag title match to have Tatsu and Tsuruta defend against Stan Hansen and Terry Gordy instead of Tenryu and Hara as a result.
[New Japan] Inoki returned in a 6-man tag match on July 16, and it looks like he came back way too early. He teamed with Yoshiaki Fujiwara and Shiro Koshinaka to beat Cuban Assassin, Manny Fernandez, and Buzz Sawyer. Not only did Inoki not look good, but it’s reported that privately even he admitted that he was returning before he was ready because he needed to counter Maeda’s publicity.
[UWF] Maeda’s opponent for the August 13 show will be Gerald Gordeau (Dave writes Goldor), the World Karate Association superheavyweight champion in savate. His record is 55-5, with 46 knockouts.
[All Japan Women] The July 5 show saw the Crush Girls over the Fire Jets (Yumiko Hotta and Mitsuko Nishiwaki) and Bull Nakano and Dynamite Jack (the future Aja Kong) over the Jumping Bomb Angels. How far Dave’s opinion on the Angels has fallen, because he’s given them the nickname the Stationary Bomb Angels.
Another new women’s promotion is forming in Japan, to be called the NWA (Nagoya Wrestling Association). They’re aiming to do UWF style with women’s wrestling and are set to start on July 23. Given that the only other references to this promotion I can find are basically other recaps of this issue, I’m going to take a guess that this goes nowhere.
USA Pro Wresting has renamed The Mercenary, who is managed by the former Masked Shogun Ron Wright, the Storm Trooper. I’ll give you two guesses as to whether he carries a c. 1935-1938 Wehrmacht command flag (because if you're going to Nazi, you might as well do it as ostentatiously as possible) to the ring. First guess doesn’t count.

Watch: Did you guess right?

”A former WWF TV personality is suing the federation for $5 million over unauthorized use of his work without his consent in a videotape.”
Apparently NWA’s original plans before giving up on the Midnight Rider were wildly different from what we got. Tully Blanchard would have won the US title and defended it against the Midnight Rider in a mask vs. title match at the Bash ppv. Tully and Arn Anderson weren’t supposed to have been the tag champions, but that changed when they turned Windham heel without having an actual plan. After turning Windham, they put the belts on Arn and Tully, which led to them deciding that Windham would win the U.S. title tournament.
NWA Clash of the Champions III has been announced for September 7.
Ray Miller, a pro wrestler in Dom DeNucci’s stable, died of a heart attack following a match this past week. Miller was only 24 years old and was doing some kind of Arabian gimmick, as Dave understands it.
The first letter this week is from our graduate student in Radio and TV at Auburn University who wrote in about Wrestlemania and Clash I back in April. He praises Jim Ross extensively, offers thoughts on the matches, etc. He also offers several thoughts on production quality and where NWA has improved and where they still need to put work in. They could have done with some cuts to bits in the dressing room for interviews and showing Flair and Luger preparing for the main event, he suggests. Post-match interviews are nice too. Lots of options to avoid the dead tv time of putting up the tower of doom, where some of these things could have fit in nicely. An aerial camera in a cherrypicker or something similar could have made the tower of doom more palatable to watch. He concludes by saying he hopes Turner does buy the NWA because that’ll get some people with a great deal of experience in television production involved, and that should significantly improve the NWA’s production quality to suit the level of show they’re attempting to put on now.
The finish to the FlaiLuger match at the bash is almost universally panned in several letters this week. One points out the irony of the Maryland commission, which prohibits blading, allowing the blade for this match “just so they could exercise their pretend authority and get on television.” He’s got a great point, Sting.
The other big theme in the letters is sadness at the loss of Adrian Adonis. One writer hopes that WWF does some kind of tribute to Adonis and his career, given the fact that he and Jesse Ventura were once partners (spoiler alert: WWF will not even acknowledge Adonis’s death at all). Surprising to that same writer is that his death has gone unnoticed in the media.
Another writer observes that Dave ran down a recent AWA tv taping despite many of the wrestlers being guys Dave’s raved about in the past and sees this as an inconsistency. Skimming through, some of the other points being brought up are “AWA is a business a family relies on” so you can’t be too harsh on them, and “they never geared up for war with other promotions” so concepts like marketing and promoting are new for them, cut them some slack. At the end, the writer asks Dave if he’d take a job as a booker if given a guaranteed salary for 2-3 years.
Anyway, Dave actually responds at length to this one and addresses all the questions. The show Dave went to was terrible, and that opinion was shared by literally every other person Dave talked to, readers and wrestlers involved alike. It doesn’t matter if the performers are great performers. If they shit the bed, they shit the bed. Moving on, Dave doesn’t feel sorry for the AWA. “Most of its problems were self-inflicted, they destroyed their promotion by not treating talent fairly and more importantly, not treating fans fairly.” Dave’s never been here for falsely promoting appearances you know won’t happen, and AWA makes a routine of that. They’ve had four years to get with the times. Being unprepared may have been a reasonable excuse in 1985, but it no longer serves as an excuse for failure at this point. He points out that they market themselves as the only serious place for real wrestling, but then you’ve got Madusa, Brandi Mae, Iron Man Miller, Rocky Mountain Thunder, and a bunch of others who utterly contradict that image. His ultimate point? “If the AWA was a successful promotion, I’d be a lot more complimentary to them. They have to decide exactly what they want to be and what they can afford to be. If they can’t afford to play with the big boys, they should concentrate on being the best minor league promotion around, develop good talent and don’t run off the few bright spots like Dangerously or the Rockers that you stumble into. They have to make a commitment to a solid product, maybe push some lighter weight guys and smaller guys like Memphis and Stampede that Titan wouldn’t be as quick to steal and promote the fact they’ve got the fastest and most high flying wrestling around. More importantly, they have to get a young booker to give the wrestlers gimmicks that the young fans can relate to and try to instill a week-to-week soap opera on TV so viewers will be drawn to being regular viewers.” But the AWA? They’ve got Verne. They continue to make laughable claims about being the major leagues. The majority of their talent is either a joke, in their twilight years, or both, and most of the roster needs to go. Finally, Dave says no to being a booker and nobody should speculate that such a thing will ever happen. One reason is he has too much heat with people in the business for that to ever be offered to him. Secondly, he doesn’t believe he’d ever be able to actually effect any change anyway because the wrestlers wouldn’t take direction from an outsider. And besides, Dave’s a writer, not a booker, so who’s to say he’d even be good at it anyway, he asks. Still, DAE Dave is on the WWF payroll to provide biased reporting against the AWA?

NEXT WEEK: The life and times of Bruiser Brody

[OC] The Best MLS Player from Each Country That's Fielded One: Part 1 (UEFA)

Throughout its first 25 years, Major League Soccer has seen players from all different corners of the globe, each with their own career story. Whether it be a guy like Tim Melia or Chris Wondolowski who were scrappy guys that came out of nowhere to be stars in this league, or world famous names such as Zlatan, Beckham, and Henry, the league's history of big names is as diverse as they come.
Let's take a look at the best player from each country around the globe. This will be based on national team allegiance. Today, we'll be leading with Europe!
Please note that this is my opinion, and in some cases the decisions were tough; I'll be sure to add in honorable mentions where I can, or add notes.
Albania: Shkëlzen Gashi ( COL 2016-18)
Short list to pick from here, as Gashi's only competition is Jahmir Hyka and Hamdi Salihi. Gashi gets the nod, if nothing else, for his huge 2016 season, where he scored 10 regular season goals (one of which was that year's Goal of the Year) as the Rapids damn near won the Shield. The madlad then went and one-upped that with his absurd equalizer in the playoffs against the Galaxy.
His last two years weren't as fruitful, but man, when he was on he could pull something out of nowhere.
Armenia: Yura Movsisyan ( KC 2006-07, RSL 2007-09 & 2016-18, CHI 2018)
Four choices here, although in the end it's Movsisyan winning out over Harut Karapetyan, who played a couple seasons in the 90s for the Galaxy, San Jose, and Tampa Bay. The fourth pick in a strong 2006 MLS SuperDraft out of Pasadena City College, Movsisyan is mostly associated with RSL, who acquired him in a 2007 trade. With the Claret and Cobalt, he would tally 15 goals in 53 regular season appearances, and in 2009 he'd hoist the club's first MLS Cup. That'd be his last game with RSL until 2016 after some time in Europe with Randers, Krasnodar, and Spartak Moscow (even sharing the Russian PL Golden Boot in 2012/13 with Wanderson). He'd put up a similar clip of 16 in 57 before being waived and finishing his MLS career with four scoreless games with Chicago.
Austria: Daniel Royer ( NYRB 2016-pres.)
The choice here was largely Royer vs. Andreas Ivanschitz, who was a regular starter for Seattle's first MLS Cup, but I can't say no to a man with over 100 MLS matches played and three straight 10-goal seasons. In all comps, the former Austria Vienna man is just two goals behind Thierry Henry for third on the Red Bulls' all time goal scoring list.
Belarus: Sasha Gotsmanov ( COL 2005)
Gotsmanov qualifies by default as the only Belarusian player in MLS history. The Minsk native (and son of former Soviet and Belarusian international Sergei Gotsmanov) played one (1) single game for Colorado in October 2005, against RSL.
Belgium: Laurent Ciman ( MTL 2015-17, LAFC 2018, TFC 2019-pres.)
Shouts to Roland Lamah, who had his moments in Dallas, and Jelle van Damme, who played a season and a half for the Galaxy, but Ciman is the obvious choice. While he's fallen off a cliff as he's gotten older, he's a three-time All-Star and won Defender of the Year in his first MLS season; in his second, he played for Belgium at Euro 2016. At 35, he's lost a step and probably should only be used in emergencies, but at his best he was an elite MLS center back that could also be deployed at right back.
Bosnia & Herzegovina: Haris Medunjanin ( PHI 2017-19, CIN 2020-pres.)
The first one where I'm not totally confident in my pick, as Baggio Hušidić made this tricky (and as a Union fan I'm afraid of bias). But at his best, Haris is an assist machine (30 in four MLS seasons so far), and a threat on set pieces; the madlad even scored an Olimpico this year. His left foot is probably the best the Union have ever had. While his commitment to defense was nonexistent, give him the ball and he could spray a pass anywhere.
Bulgaria: Hristo Stoichkov ( CHI 2000-02, DC 2003)
One of three former Ballon d'Or winners to play in MLS (the others being Lothar Matthaus and Kaka, although "playing" is generous for the former), Stoichkov spent the last four seasons of his career in MLS, scoring 22 goals in 72 regular season matches for Chicago and DC. In his first season, a 9 goal in 18 match outing for the Fire, he also won the US Open Cup, scoring the opening goal of the final, a 2-1 win over Miami. (The winning goal, by the way, was scored by our old friend Owen Goal.)
Croatia: Damir Kreilach ( RSL 2018-pres.)
Mr. Miyagi's favorite MLS player for his crane kick equalizer in the playoffs, the former Rijeka and Union Berlin man has proven to be an excellent utility piece and core part of RSL throughout his time there, scoring 26 goals and chipping in 14 assists in 86 regular season matches and playing all over the damn place (naturally a central midfielder, he's probably still RSL's best forward). At 31, he still has a lot to give.
MLS has seen a huge influx of Croats lately, though; before Kreilach's 2018 signing there had only been four Croatian players in MLS history, two of whom barely played. Currently, there are five on active rosters.
Czechia: Luboš Kubík ( CHI 1998-2001, DAL 2001)
Czech players have had a good hit rate in MLS. In his lone MLS season, Bořek Dočkal led the league in assists, and Zdeněk Ondrášek was a very solid piece for Dallas, albeit one whose MLS time was brief.
But no. We have to go with Kubik. The sweeper was Best XI twice, in 1998 and 1999, and won Defender of the Year in 1998 helping Chicago to a MLS Cup-Open Cup double. He'd win another Open Cup two years later, before being traded to Dallas in 2001 and retiring due to injury.
So many lethal counterattacks started on the foot of this man, and he is rightfully seen as one of the greatest defenders the league has ever seen.
Denmark: Jimmy Nielsen ( KC 2010-13)
I debated going WAYYYYYYY off the board here and throwing out Miklos Molnar. His time in MLS was brief, just the 2000 season before he retired, but the man was the best attacking piece on a Cup winner. He could have balled out if he didn't retire early.
But nah. We're going with Casino Jimmy, one of the keys towards Kansas City's early 2010s turnaround. A two time All-Star, Nielsen was Goalkeeper of the Year in 2012, a year that also saw him win the Open Cup with the Wiz (on penalties, because KC and penalties, name a more iconic duo at this point). In 2013, he capped off his career by winning MLS Cup, again on penalties, while playing with broken ribs.
England: Bradley Wright-Phillips ( 2013-2019, LAFC 2020)
This league, man.
The list of English players to have represented in MLS is a long one, full of iconic names. Ashley Cole. David Beckham. Frank Lampard. Steven Gerrard. Jermain Defoe. Wayne Rooney. Hell, even Bradley's brother Shaun.
But nope. Many of those guys are the butt of many MLS jokes. BWP, on the other hand, is one of the greatest goal scorers the league has ever seen, with two Golden Boots to his name and well over a century of league goals. He was a part of 3 Shield winning teams, and made CONCACAF's Best XI in 2018.
And it all started with a quiet trial in 2013 after Charlton dumped him. This. League.
And This. Man. Even as a fan of Philly who doesn't care much for the Red Bulls, I respect this dude and everything he's done. I hope he gets another year after winning Comeback Player of the Year this year.
Estonia: Joel Lindpere ( NYRB 2010-12, CHI 2013)
The only other option here was Erik Sorga, who could dethrone Lindpere as he came to MLS at a very young age. But it's unlikely, as Lindpere was quietly very solid for the Red Bulls during his time. The Tallinn native was a two-time All-Star, and in 2010 he was named the Red Bulls' team MVP.
Finland: Alex Ring ( NYC 2017-2020, AUS pres.)
T O P I C A L
There's a few fairly talented Finns in MLS right now that could make this interesting (I really like Robin Lod's game, and Lassi Lappelainen would be excellent for Montreal if he'd stop getting hurt). Ring however has proven his worth across 4 seasons, including time as NYC's captain. Over 10,000 MLS minutes, mostly for good teams, as a defensive anchor, he will be a fantastic tone-setter for the new Austin team.
France: Thierry Henry ( NYRB 2010-14)
Oh man, as an Ireland fan I wanted to give this to literally anyone else. I am still bitter, dammit.
His best competition is probably Aurelien Collin, who has a closetful of trophies (including a Best XI and MLS Cup MVP). But no...it's Henry.
When a big name comes to MLS, what people want to see is someone who treats the league with respect. Henry did that. Not only was he dominant on the pitch, a three-time Best XI nomination, he also respected the history of the club he played for and gave 100%, even though he was getting up there in the years. He's a Red Bulls and MLS legend...as much as I curse that godforsaken hand
Georgia: Valeri "Vako" Qazaishvili ( SJ 2017-20)
It looks like the San Jose chapter of Vako's career is done and dusted. While the former Vitesse man struggled for consistency, he did put up 26 goals and 13 assists across four MLS seasons for the Quakes, including 10 while being coached by Mikael Stahre, which should probably get him and Wondo some sort of award.
We'll see what's next for him, if he leaves MLS or goes back to Europe. His only competition was Quakes teammate Guram Kashia.
Germany: Bastian Schweinsteiger ( CHI 2017-19)
I'm...actually not sure about this one. I actually changed this while writing, as I very nearly chose Julian Gressel; the former Rookie of the Year has two 10-assist seasons under his belt, and Kai Wagner has also been one of the league's better fullbacks for Philadelphia; Schweinsteiger was solid enough for Chicago in his advanced age for some very frustrating teams (and even moved positions to center back!)...but man, I don't know.
Germany is weird. For a country with such a great footballing tradition, the pickings are fairly slim. Arne Friedrich had one good year for Chicago before injuries claimed his career. Lottar Matthaus was as committed to this league as Schalke are to winning football matches. Stefan Aigner was stifled by Anthony Hudson going galaxy brain. Torsten Frings...existed.
I dunno.
Greece: Alexandros Tabakis ( ATL 2017)
The only Greek in MLS history...and our second one game wonder. Atlanta's FOURTH string keeper in 2017, he managed to sneak into a game against Minnesota with Brad Guzan on international duty, Alec Kann injured, and Kyle Reynish sent off during the match.
Atlanta lost 3-2. He's now in USL.
Hungary: Nemanja Nikolić ( CHI 2017-19)
Dániel Sallói and Krisztián Németh had their moments, but the winner is Nikolić, who came to MLS from the Ekstraklasa and immediately won the Golden Boot. His totals diminished in the three seasons he spent with Chicago, but 51 goals in 96 appearances isn't too shabby at all - it's second in Fire history behind Ante Razov.
Iceland - Guðmundur Þórarinsson ( NYC 2020-pres.)
Not much choice, 3 guys, all of whom were mostly bench guys. I almost went with Kristinn Steindorsson here on the merits of "he didn't have a penalty saved by Rodrigo Schlegel."
Israel: Gadi Kinda ( SKC 2020-pres.)
It was either him or Dedi Ben Dayan, really. And I nearly went with the former Colorado left back, but nah, Kinda is very much the superior player. The midfielder born in Ethiopia, Kinda shone brightly in his first season in KC, with 6 goals and 4 assists in his debut season. He'll be a DP next season.
Italy: Sebastian Giovinco ( TOR 2015-18)
A signing that changed an entire club.
Before Giovinco, the Reds were a laughingstock. He came in, won a Golden Boot and MVP right away, led the league in assists, made Best XI three years in a row, led them to their first playoff game, their first MLS Cup final, their first MLS Cup win, and a historic treble. And they damn near won CCL too.
The Atomic Ant was must-see from Day 1. It's not just because of him that Toronto is now one of MLS's elite...but he was a huge part of changing that culture. 83 goals in 142 games in all comps. And he dished out his fair share of assists too, with a telepathic partnership with Jozy.
Latvia: Raivis Hščanovičs ( TOR 2010)
Not much to write about here. 14 games for a bad Reds team. Gets in by default with no other Latvian MLS players.
Liechtenstein: Nicholas Hasler ( TOR 2017-18, CHI 2018-19, SKC 2019)
Another one by default. 66 games as a utilityman. Won MLS Cup and the Shield, though.
Lithuania: Vytautas Andriuškevičius ( POR 2016-18, DC 2018)
Only other choice was Edgaras Jankauskas, a forward who played 14 games for the Revs. Vytas played 37 for Portland and zero for DC.
Luxembourg: Maxime Chanot ( NYC 2016-pres.)
Another one by default but this one's an actually really solid player that finished fourth in Defender of the Year voting in 2019. We take those.
Malta: Etienne Barbera ( VAN 2012)
2 games in 2012. Only Maltese player in MLS.
Montenegro: Branko Bošković ( DC 2010-12)
Pretty much every other Montenegrin player played less than 20 games in MLS. Bošković played 43 before returning to Europe for family reasons. 7 assists in his final season though, which is technically something.
Netherlands: Johan Kappelhof ( CHI 2016-pres.)
Much like Germany, bright footballing tradition, very shaky MLS history. Which is weird because the Eredivisie exports a lot of guys to MLS.
Also, I'm excluding Kelvin Leerdam, as he is probably changing his international allegiance to Suriname.
So I'm going with 2017 All-Star Kappelhof, who I think is still fairly solid.
But really the choices aren't great. Dave van den Burgh? Roland Alberg scored a hat trick once I guess? Danny Koevermans was decent but injured all the time?
Maybe it's a hot take. It probably is.
North Macedonia: Oka Nikolov ( PHI 2013)
Never actually played, only in a friendly. Watch this space though as North Macedonia is apparently courting LAFC's Danny Musovski.
Northern Ireland: Johnny Steele ( RSL 2012, NYRB 2013-14)
Another case of shaky opposition, it was either Steele or Steve Morrow, who played 41 games for Dallas in the aughts.
Steele played regularly for a Shield winner, the 2013 Red Bulls. Easy peasy.
Norway: ~~Vadim Demidov~~ Ola Kamara ( CLB 2016-17, LAG 2018, DC 2019-pres.)
Adama Diomande is the main competition here. Kamara's first stint in MLS was a smashing success, scoring 48 goals in 90 regular season matches for Columbus and the Galaxy (he was traded for Gyasi Zardes before 2018). A brief foray to China followed, and while he's back in MLS with DC he hasn't quite been the same.
Still a good player on his day, maybe just the Bennyball effect.
Poland: Piotr Nowak ( CHI 1998-2002)
When I think of early Chicago, Nowak and the earlier-mentioned Kubik are the first two names that come to mind. Kubik held down the back while Nowak was the chief creator in the midfield. Three-time best XI, three-time All-Star, and MLS Cup MVP.
...can I drink my water now?
Portugal: José Gonçalves ( NE 2013-16)
Gonçalves fell off a cliff in his latter years, but in his first MLS season he won Defender of the Year and in his second he was a key part of a team that made the MLS Cup final and damn near won the thing.
Runner up here is Nani who is probably closing in.
EDIT: I also forgot to mention Pedro Santos, thanks to the Crew fans who pointed that one out. I still think Gonçalves pips him for his 2013 if nothing else, but Santos is probably closer than Nani.
Republic of Ireland: Robbie Keane ( LAG 2011-16)
A LOT closer than you think; ~~Time Person of the Century~~ ~~Juventus legend~~ Ronnie O'Brien was two-time best XI himself.
But nonono. This is Robbie freaking Keane. When we see these big name Euro guys interested in MLS, this is the man we want them to be.
Hypercompetitive and holding guys accountable on and off the pitch, and scoring for fun. 83 goals in 125 MLS regular season appearances. Best XI four times. 2014 MVP. MLS Cup MVP in 2014. A closetful of team awards including 3 MLS Cups.
This man was a baller, and frankly his departure was the beginning of the Galaxy decline into irrelevance, but that's a story for another time.
Romania: Alexandru Mitriță ( NYC 2019-pres.?)
Question mark because he's on loan and I have no idea if it'll be permanent, ~~but he was punted out by the Pigeons just as he was really starting to break out~~. He scored 12 goals in his debut season last year but filled in nicely this year while Maxi Moralez was injured. EDIT: NYC fans have informed me he wasn't punted out, but was loaned out to be closer to his pregnant wife. My apologies.
Honorable mention: Alex Zotincă, who played for the Wizards and Chivas USA in the aughts. Brave man.
Russia: Igor Simutenkov ( KC 2002-04)
Not a lot to pick from here either. 49 games, 12 goals for this forward from Moscow, who now serves as an assistant coach at Zenit.
Scotland: John Spencer ( COL, 2001-04)
Give Johnny Russell another few years and he'll pass Spencer, but for now I'm leaning the latter. Spencer as a coach was frustrating as hell, but as a player he was Best XI twice and an MVP finalist once. Dude could score goals despite battling injuries in his time in MLS.
Just don't let him sign Kris Boyd. Then you lose to Cal FC. No one wants that.
Serbia: Aleksandar Katai ( 2018-19, 2020)
FROM A SPORTING PERSPECTIVE.
And mostly due to a weak pool. Runner up was probably someone like Miloš Kocić.
18 goals in 62 games for Chicago before getting yeeted back to Serbia for Bad People Reasons
Slovakia: Albert Rusnák ( RSL 2017-pres.)
He has tenure on Ján Greguš, who's the closest competitor, but Rusnák is also good. He followed up a 14-assist debut season (4th in the league) with back to back 10 goal seasons before struggling this year with injury.
Slovenia: Robert Berić ( CHI 2020-pres.)
Once he got acclimated to MLS, the goals came, and Chicago has its successor to Nikolić up top. He finished with 12 goals in his debut season, tied for second in the league with Ruidiaz and Zardes.
Also, from what I saw early on, seems like he's a dark-arts type of guy that gets in your head. That's fun.
Spain: David Villa ( NYC 2015-18)
I really didn't want to put him here due to recent allegations, and the fact that Pozuelo has already matched his MVP and two Best XI performances....
77 goals in 117 games though, that's tough to pass on.
Sweden: Zlatan Ibrahimović ( LAG 2018-19)
It's Zlatan.
He pretty much dragged a sorry LA organization to something resembling competitiveness.
What the hell did you expect?
(Anton Tinnerholm made this hard, though)
EDIT: Forgot Gustav Svensson as well in my honorable mentions.
Switzerland: Stefan Frei ( TOR 2009-13, SEA 2014-pres.)
Pretty self-explanatory, one of the most accomplished keepers in MLS history and with a closetful of hardware. And all it took Seattle to get him was a late first round pick that pinged around so much that it was eventually traded for a coach.
Turkey: Sercan Güvenışık ( SJ 2012)
5 games that year. No one else has flown the Turkish flag in MLS.
Ukraine: Dema Kovalenko ( CHI 1999-2002, DC 2002-05, NYRB 2006-08, RSL 2008, LAG 2008-10)
I'm afraid he'd break my legs if I didn't. One of the most physical and downright dirty players the league has ever seen. Made nearly 300 appearances though, and has one each of the 3 major US trophies (MLS Cup, USOC, Shield), all with a different team.
Wales: Andy Dorman ( NE 2004-07, 2013-15)
Dorman was a key part of that real good Revs team from the mid-aughts, and just beats out Carl Robinson. He made 112 appearances in his first stint, and played in 3 MLS Cup finals, though they famously lost all three. The Revs brought him back in 2013 after some time in Scotland and England, and was playing semipro in the area as recently as 2018.

My Tinder date with Drummerbeard

Hello everyone! This is my first time posting on this subreddit. After listening for years to youtubers reading these stories (Shout out to the bois ReddX, FunwithFailure, Fatal Walter, Moonhorse, HellFreezer and Rslah) about peoples experience with neckbeards and niceguys. I’ve decided to write about my unfortunate interactions with these fine gentlesirs who I had the displeasure of sharing a thai ice tea with.
Here’s are the players!
OP – Me
Kate – My wonderful coworker
Big Phil – My other amazing coworkerBartender - Silent Bartender with kind eyes
WW - Wonderful WaitressAnd here is the challenger!
DB - Drummerbeard
Now lets reset the clock! To 2015.
Young me in my early 20s living in LA. Single for the first time in years, lost a lot of weight (70lbs/30kgs), became a bit of a gym rat. I still thought of myself as overweight since most of my life I was until I decided to change it (which was an embarrassing story all on its own which I might tell one of these days)
Anyways, my coworkers FINALLY convinced me to try Tinder. Mostly because it has been months since my ex of a few years ended our relationship due to distance from myself moving to LA and they wanted to move elsewhere.
Thus pandoras app was open and the events that poured through were so calamitous, so cataclysmic that ragnarok itself looked like a walk in the park. Well not really, but it did make me learn and grow more as a person! Plus it introduced me to what a niceguy and a neckbeard are.
Now they gave me some helpful advice on how to set up the profile. You know the type. Standard selfie first, friend photos, beach photo and one photo of me dressed as frank the bunny in the end just for the giggles.
Drummerbeard was one of my very first dates on the app. We were talking for a few days texting back and forth and he seemed like a great guy. Super cute, fit, great taste in music, wicked sense of humour, loved anime. So I thought it was perfect!
I was soooo wrong.
After talking through texting and a phone call we decided to meet up at union station to go to Tiny Tokyo. I’ve never been since I lived in Koreatown at the time. Plus all my friends and work was on this side of the city so I never really ventured out there. It never hurts to try new things so I was pretty pumped. I set aside some money for drinks and food, did a killer workout at the gym, had a bowl of greens, and got ready for my date. I wanted to keep it casual but cute. This was one of my first big dates so I got dressed up with a nice crop blouse, high waisted jeans and ankle boots.
I got there a bit early since I’ve never been to Union Station and I didn’t want to run late. I waited by the Starbucks for a bit, looking down at my phone. He was 10 minutes late but it’s alright, the trains aren’t always on time and I don’t work weekends so I don’t mind waiting a bit more. If he didn’t show up I probably would’ve gone to get myself a cup of coffee and pick up some boa buns. Oh how wish that was the case.
I felt something large and soft hit the back of my body like a large pillow with the force of a goat ramming a wall. I jumped forward only to turn around and see him.
He looked…well not like his photos. Granted he was very very tall, which is what he joked about over the phone. I’m average height and don’t care about how tall people can be since I’ve met many really attractive men and women shorter than me who were absolute sweethearts. However he essentially dwarfed me. However, he was more than several pounds overweight (I want to say around 30lbs minimum), riddled with acne, his short hair was grown out past his shoulders, which would’ve looked great but it stuck to his face and shoulders like sap. Lastly his face was peppered with patches and hair like he was trying to grow it out but couldn’t. The patches that were barren of hair had some large acne pimples.
He greeted me a golden tinted smile, but his eyes were lit up with joy. Like huge and excited. I just politely smiled back greeting him but thinking to myself, he looks different but he’s probably going through something, so lets reserve the judgements.
OP: Hey there DB! Finally it's good to see your face!
DB: Yeah you too!! You look…amazing.
He scanned me up and down for a moment as if I was a tasty bag of chips about to be ripped open by a racoon. It also doesn't help that his eyes were stationed at my chest. Quickly I chimed.OP: So how was your day?
DB: Mmmm, it was alright. Work sucked. But now its much better!
And without any hesitation his long squishy arms pulled me into a big hug. Now I’m not going to fat shame him. I love dad bods but he was different. He was very very fuzzy. I could feel the chest hairs pressing up against my clothes. They were sharp and there were a lot of them and I felt it cut through the fabric. This is how hard he hugged me.
I let out a yelp because I was taken aback by this and friday is my back day so that was a little painful. He just laughs, possibly thinking I was being funny or joking. But I wasn’t kidding.
OP: Ok! We should get going!
DB: Right lets go!
He lets go of me only to hold my hand tightly while he walks me to the platform. I pull my hand away still walking with him only for him to look at me and try to grab it again. Which I quickly pulled away.
DB: Whats wrong? We’re on a date.
OP: Yeah I know I just don’t want my watch to get squished is all.
I shouldn’t have said that at all. Because in an instant he grabs the other and starts walking again. I yank it away and run ahead of him going up the stairs yelling.
OP: Come one I think the train is coming!
I reach the top quickly and in the very far distance I see the train. So glad my lie worked. I remember turning around looking down only for him to not even be half way up the steps, and just doing a light jog up. Kinda like seeing a cow buck, he bucked up the stairs one step at a time.
By the time he meets me on the platform the train starts to pull in. I keep my smile and step on the train. He comes up next to me only to plop down on the seat by the hand rail exhausted.
OP: You ok DB?
DB: Yeah, I haven’t done cardio in a while is all.
OP: Don’t worry you wont be running to catch the train next time!
DB: *Laughing* Yeah.
I look away keeping a polite smile. I look down at my phone seeing Kate texting me to see how my date is going. I glanced up for a second to my reflection in the door. I can see him staring directly at my ass and his hand getting dangerously close to touching the back of my leg. His head and hand looked like an asteroid gravitating to a planet. Before the planetary crash, I stepped forward and sat right across from him.
DB: Why don’t you sit next to me? There's a seat available.
OP: It’s alright I don’t mind sitting across from you!
DB: Well I mind.Before I could even text Kate back. He gets up and plops right next to me. Only to put his hand right on my leg, again with no hesitation. I just brushed his hand off and stood up abruptly again.OP: How many more stops?DB: Not much left, have a seat. Relax.
I look up at the map to check to see how many stops. Great. 5 more to go. My patience with him was already getting a little thin. With the lack of restraint, the stares with such a consistency I would think lasers would shoot out of his eyes. I was tempted to just open a window and jump off. But I didn't.I stayed standing there, enough of a distance that he can't touch me. Pretending to look at my phone but looking at my reflection the whole time. And his eyes never wandered, staring squarely at my body. It made me feel even more self conscious. It's fine to stare for a bit but the fact that he would not stop made me think I sat on something or if my outfit wasn't appropriate. I dressed casually. Just the way he was looking at me made me feel like I was nude. Or maybe he was just picturing me nude? Most likely.
FINALLY the train arrives. We walk off and he happily shows me to his favorite bar, ranting and raving on how great the beer selection is. When we arrived I will say it was kinda cool, how it was tucked away it was. We had to walk down an alley behind a restaurant, and it was by a hidden courtyard area. It was awesomeI tried to sit in the front but he kept walking. Awkwardly, I got up and walked to him sitting in the back. He ordered a beer and tried to order a stout for me.
DB: I’ll get this microbrew, she’ll have a stout.
OP: Wait, I dont want a stout.
DB: But you said you drink dark beer right? So a stout.
OP: Yes, but I like other drinks too. I’d rather have a moscow mule right now. I can use some ginger beer.
The bartender nods, takes my drinks and walks off. DB looks at me displeased.
DB: Did you lie about liking stouts?
OP: No… I just want a moscow mule. Besides there's a large stout list and I would’ve liked a Rasputin over Guinness.
He grumbles next to me loudly. Mumbling some words and all I could pinpoint was “poser” and “wonderful”. I just stare at him rethinking every choice I’ve made to wound up in this seat. I was trying so very hard not to get aggravated but those comments were starting to get under my skin. The bartender, thank Odin, brought our drinks quickly and hovered by.
DB: Dude you can leave. We’ll get you when we want drinks.The bartender looks at him and then walks off to the other side of the bar. Still keeping us within view but well out of earshot. I had a few sips of my drink whilst DB just slurped, yes slurped, his yellow microbrew. A song comes on and he just then breaks out in air drumming. Not air guitar, just air drumming.
DB: This is my song!!!
He goes on for a bit, the arms frantically hitting the air like he’s trying to punch a cloud of angry wasps. I could feel myself sink in my seat while I just stared
OP: I.. didn't know you played drums
DB continues flailing his arms. Speaking to me out of breath
DB: *Heavy breathing* No I dont drum, *heavy breathing( I could see why you think that but I just like air drumming. *heavy breathing* Its good for the soul.
I just cringe. Even more. Even now.
I look over at the bar only to see the bartender and another patron just looking at the spectacle that is my date. I took a moment and just kept telling myself, he’s just eccentric! It’s not a big deal, he’s being himself. But the view of this extremely large gelatinous man manically hitting the air was truly a sight to see, that even still to this day I still have not forgotten.The song finally ends and he grabs his drink and practically chugs well more than half of it. I take my little copper cup and just sip it. The regret is really setting in. He then turned at me only to spew about how great beers are and that spirits are terrible for your health. That is healthier to drink a pint than a shot.I just silently listen to his rantings which cause me to feel more anxious and stress drink. Then the loud sound of my empty cup echoes out of its copper chamber like a trumpet of war and DB listens. He shouts across the small bar.
DB: Hey can she get another one! Make it a double! Oh and give me another one too!
I just locked eyes with him and shook my head. He sees this and turns around and makes me a regular one. He places his drink to the side for him and then places mine directly in front of me giving me a sympathetic smile.
DB: Thanks. Here take this.
He then proceeds to give the bartender a 50 dollar bill while also flashing his wallet that had many more large bills. I was dumbstruck as to why and how he has that money because his attire did not represent his money. It was also obvious to me that he really was just flashing his cash in the most unsubtle way.The bartender takes the money and walks off and I stress drink again. Trying to tune out the belittling and ramblings from this man. He finishes his drink and we get up and leave. I was about to go home until he yet again grabs my hand.
DB: Come on! We’re going to be late for our reservation.
I was confused. He made a reservation to a restaurant without telling me. That was literally on the other side of where the bar was. I didn’t know what to think at the time but now I just see it as either great scheduling on lazy planning.We walked in and immediately I was in awe. This place looked so great. There were these booths with privacy covers that were sheer and looked like they were made of fishing nets. Absolutely breathtaking! He goes to the hosts and greets her in japanese and speaks to her. She then smiles with no joy in her eyes. Maybe he’s been here before? She seemed to be very polite and surprised to see me. Then she ushers us to our booth. I go and sit down first. And he sits across from me. Then WW comes in the picture. I will always be grateful for this woman.
WW: Hello! Welcome to our restaurant. Here are our menus. Let me know if you have any questions.
She handed us this menu that was a small book of all the different styles of sushi, and other japanese dishes. I was surprised to see the different styles of sushi as well as the amazing dishes! It was great! I guess DB could see it on my face because he gets up and walks into my side of the booth. Looking down at, yup, the menu and my tits.DB: Let me help you. I know a little bit of japanese.
OP: Uhm… you don’t have to sit next to me.DB: Why not? I don't like sitting across from you. We can be close. Plus I want to help.
I then start to feel anxious and very quickly tell him.
OP: it's ok and that you can just sit across from me. Plus we have the same menu so you don't need to sit here-
He then moves closer to me pushing me back into the wooden booth. His hands on my thigh. I still remember what he said.
DB: It's ok. You don't need to worry, they can't really see us.
My heart stopped. I realized then and there that if he tried anything the privacy blinds cover just enough of us that the staff won't be able to see inside. However they can see the legs of the booth which I have a feeling is what caused WW to come over.The loud sound of the metal rings cling up against each other as WW rips it open with a very forced smile.
WW: Sir. You must sit across from her or keep the blinds open. It is our policy.DB: I've been here before! You let people sit next together! I was here with friends!!
WW quickly glances at me. The adrenaline rushing I probably looked panicked. I can only imagine the scene as a small rabbit being cornered by a large pimply bear. She continues her customer service smile and in the same tone said.
WW: Yes, however those people were breaking the rules. We must abide by the rules placed by the restaurant- DB: That's not fa- WW: I agree. But in order to abide by the rules I will keep this open. Would you please move to the other side? Also have you decided on drinks?
If looks could kill. DB looked more than annoyed and got up, glaring down at the woman. He sits down in a loud THUMP. And mumbles.
DB: Just give me a beer.OP: Water. Please.
WW smiles at DB then looks over at me flashing a small look of concern and walks away.The rest of the dinner was uneventful. He just complained loudly, and I mean LOUDLY about the place. How the staff suck, the food sucks and it was better than before.I just silently ate my sushi, which was banging btw, and my tempura. I got up to go to the ladies room and walk past WW. I asked them if I could pay for the bill and they said yes. I paid for our food with my own money because I did not want to stay for desert or tea.While I got my receipt I felt the familiar bump hit my back. Again.
DB: YOU PAID?!
OP: Yes. You bought drinks, its the least I could do.
DB: But women should never pay.
I turn around to look at him. I wish I had lightening coming out of my eyes from the amount of annoyance I was feeling. This man. Who overpaid for our drinks that racked up to about 30 dollars complains to me for paying for our meal, that is MORE than the drink from the bar??? WW chimes in her customer service voice.
WW: Sir, she has already paid for the bill. If you would like to order more, you must start a new tab.
DB: Forget it. Lets go.
He waddles off in front of me, infuriated by the sheer gall of me paying for dinner. I made eye contact with the other staff members leaving who looked amused and disgusted by DB. They looked at me as if I was Greg Sestero being dragged around by Tommy Wiseau ( I do have a crazy story about that if anyone wants to hear later).
The air outside was relaxing. A cool summer night in LA is absolutely lovely. With the right people that is. And like the moon he eclipsed my view, casting nothing but darkness around me.
DB: Let's go for a walk! I can show you around!
OP: How about we walk towards the train?
DB: It's ok you don't need to work tomorrow right?
Fuck. Me. Shoot me in my heels and call me achilles. After this moment I’ve never told a date if I have work the next day or not. Just in case it goes tits up and I can't make up an excuse to leave.
OP: right…. Ok let's go for a walk.
We walked around Tiny Tokyo and it was nice. When we weren't talking that is. I walked into a shop to buy some mochi only for him to berate the young teenager that was working behind the counter and bullied him into getting extra mochi. Luckily for me he had all the green tea ones and I kept my 3 mango flavored ones.Another moment during this gruelling walk that I remember that is still burned into my mind to this day. We walked and saw a couple holding hands, the girl leaning into the guy. They were obviously in love. Then I felt his fingers try to touch my hands.An idea sparked into my mind. If I can't politely turn him down then I will be upfront and mean, which was the only time to this day I’ve ever done something like this on a date.
OP: Gross. Way to be too affectionate.
DB: But...I want what they have?
OP: Why? Its gross!!
I pretend to gag and I can see the wheels turning in his head. My idea is working. Oh yes, it's working.
He moves his large hands away from mine in a form of defiance. Looking down at me indignation and weirdly enough also at my chest.
DB: Why wouldn't you want that? That's love!OP: It's just not for me. Sorry.
I walk in front of him for a bit. I then felt a hand on my forearm. Tighter than before.
DB: Come on. I want to show you something.
OP: What?
DB: There’s a great alleyway full of art just here. You’ll love it!
I then peek round him to see him pulling me to a dark alleyway hidden from the street view. Now at this time I was still shy and a bit of a push over. I always gave the benefit of the doubt but this moment. This moment. Was that moment for me. I saw the alleyway from the street. Normally anything placed with murals or art are lit up right? Not this one apparently. It was dark. Very dark. No light. I am not going to risk it. At all. I used all of my strength and attempted to rip my arm right out of his grip, only for him to lock tighter at my wrist.
DB: Come one! I know youd like it.OP: No. Thank you!I yanked again even harder and got my arm out of his gross grimy grip.
He stared at me perplexed at my defiance.
DB: Come on it's nice! OP: NO! I’m going to the train. DB looks at me in a moment as if searching for the right words. I start to storm off and he waddles off behind me yelling at me to slow down. I walk through a park like area and he yet again grabs my arms. I ripped away at this point out of instinct and turned around to scream.
Until I looked at his face. His face looked sad. The light in his eyes was gone. He looked defeated and just downright depressed.
OP: You ok?
DB shuffles to a bench and sits down looking very upset. I walk over to sit down on the other side bench and ask again.
OP: Hey.. you ok-
DB: Why wont you sit next to me to comfort me???
OP: what?...
Another moment burnt into my mind.
DB: No girl wants to date me. I just want a girl to come and sit with me and like me. Why doesn't any girl like me?! I’m a good guy! Im nice! Im great! I have a good job! I have friends and know about the world! I have so much to offer! I’m fucking tall!! Why doesn't any girl want me?!!! I’m successful!! Literally!! I’m an actual alpha by the definition!! Why won't you sit with me?!?! Why wont you love me?!?!
In the distance you can hear the camel let out a loud dying grasp as the final straw snapped its spine, killing the beast. I just looked at him, with no more sympathy and got up. I stared over at him and forced another smile this time my voice was not at its normal tone, but a bit colder.
OP: I know it's hard to feel like this. Trust me. But you need to realize that maybe there is a person out there for you. But you won't find them until you work on yourself. Make yourself happy. So please stop beating yourself up about things you can't control and take charge on what you can.
And with that he got up and grabbed my arm AGAIN. Instantly I pulled away and jumped away. Instead of saying anything I kept walking straight to the train. Keeping him more than a waddle's pace.I got to the platform and desperately waited for my train to come. Lucky for me he went in the opposite direction so I won't have to share the cart. My train came while he got on the platform.
DB: OP!OP: Yes DB?
DB looks at me panting and takes a deep breath.
DB: I think you need to give me another chance! I’m going to take charge of my life like you said! So OP can you join me in my journey? Can I see you again??
He then AGAIN grabs both of my hands and tries to pull me in. I just yank it back and step backwards onto the train. With the doors closing in front of me. The train pulled away and I immediately sat down and took a deep breath. Looking at my mango mochi in my purse. I picked up my phone and called my friends who were more than sympathetic. I explained in detail with everything that happened and they were so grossed out. Big Phil even recommended getting rid of “video games and anime” in my bio. Which I promptly did.
I went home, picked up a much needed thai iced tea from my favorite place, California Donuts. (I honestly miss that place every day. If people like it, this place ends up being my post date locations) Walking to my apartment I look back at my phone to see his barrage of text messages and miss calls going from
DB: I’m sorry.
DB: Please talk to me.. DB: Answer me please. DB: ANSWER ME DB: Fuck you DB: Fuck you, you mixed cunt!!! DB: I only swiped on you because I felt bad. DB: Ni**r mixed trash
DB: ANSWER ME BITCH
DB: Hello? DB: I’m sorry, I didn't mean to send that. I was upset. Please give me a call.
By the time I finished my drink I had several voicemails and missed calls. I promptly blocked him, ate my mochi, took a shower and had another bowl of mixed greens to decompress from the shitshow that was Drummerbeard.
This was in my life one of the WORST dates I’ve ever gone on. But it wasn't the last.
If you’re interested I can mention other neckbeards from my tinder roulette and some niceguys I’ve met.
TLDR: I got catfished on a date with an extra tall neckbeard, who proceeded to be rude to staff, demanding, too touchy and went on a meltdown at the end. Only for me to walk onto the train and have it shut in his face.
EDIT: I saw Tommy Wiseau and Greg Sistero in London during a screening of The Room. There was an opportunity to ask questions. Several people went up and asked questions on filming or the story. I then got the mic and asked;
OP: In the film Johnny has achieved getting the American dream. Do you guys think you've reached the same level on attaining the American dream?
Tommy just stared at me with his black sunglasess and said.
Tommy: Thats a weird question.
Then no answer. I look over at Greg who seemed have been thinking of the answer. Slowly he puts the microphone to his face and said.
Greg: In an upside down way.
I remember seeing some of the other audience members faces and I swear if he said he sold his soul for fame or got a wish from a genie I would believe it. After they answered the questions Tommy said his goodbyes and walked ahead of Greg who was shortly behind him giving a half hearted wave, looking like he was just waiting for the day to end.

Wrestling Observer Rewind ★ Dec. 9, 2002

Going through old issues of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter and posting highlights in my own words. For anyone interested, I highly recommend signing up for the actual site at f4wonline and checking out the full archives.
PREVIOUSLY:


1-7-2002	1-14-2002	1-21-2002	1-28-2002
2-4-2002	2-11-2002	2-18-2002	2-25-2002
3-4-2002	3-11-2002	3-18-2002	3-25-2002
4-1-2002	4-8-2002	4-15-2002	4-22-2002
4-29-2002	5-6-2002	5-13-2002	5-20-2002
5-27-2002	6-3-2002	6-10-2002	6-17-2002
6-24-2002	7-1-2002	7-8-2002	7-15-2002
7-22-2002	7-29-2002	8-5-2002	8-12-2002
8-26-2002	9-2-2002	9-9-2002	9-16-2002
9-23-2002	9-30-2002	10-07-2002	10-14-2002
10-21-2002	10-28-2002	11-4-2002	11-11-2002
11-18-2002	11-25-2002	12-2-2002

We open with an obituary for "Mr. Wrestling" Tim Woods, who passed away at age 68. Dave recounts his life and career, starting with the most famous story. Woods was one of the passengers in that famous 1975 plane crash that broke Ric Flair's back. Woods was the only babyface on the plane with a bunch of heels, and kayfabe in 1975 was fiercely protected. Woods was one of the biggest babyface stars in the company and was feuding with Johnny Valentine (who was also on the plane and ended up paralyzed). In order to protect kayfabe and to shut down rumors that he had been on the plane, Woods checked himself out of the hospital the next day, even though he was very banged up and could barely move, and within days, he was back in the ring wrestling even though he was in horrific pain, in order to "prove" that there's no way he could have been in the plane crash despite rumors. It was thought that if fans knew that all these people were traveling together, it would have killed wrestling in the Carolinas, which was booming at the time. To this day, Ric Flair calls him the man who saved pro wrestling in the Carolinas because he protected kayfabe by doing that. It was years later before he (or anyone else) admitted that he was in the plane crash. Anyway, Dave promises to have more details and a longer piece on him next week.
The Tito Ortiz vs. Ken Shamrock UFC PPV early numbers are in and it appears to have done nearly triple the usual UFC buyrate. It's not in the range of WWE or major boxing matches, but aside from those, this will likely go down as the most PPV buys for any other sporting or entertainment event since WCW in 1999. It's the highest for a UFC show in nearly 6 years, dating back to the early no-rules days before they got banned from everywhere. Prior to the show, Dana White was publicly hoping/predicting for around 80,000 buys. Early numbers put it closer to 150,000. So needless to say....HUGE success.
Lifelong career rivals Hulk Hogan and Roddy Piper are at it again. This time, they both have autobiographies released at around the same time and Dave's here to review them both. Dave briefly recaps their wrestling rivalry and talks about how Piper refused to ever put Hogan over for fear that doing so would lead him to becoming just another typical WWF heel. Jobbed out to Hogan and then cast aside for the next guy (probably a valid concern). Piper had such strong drawing power that he was able to get away with it, when most guys would have been fired. This all led to the first Wrestlemania and how Vince and Hogan (and Mr. T to an extent) got all the credit for the success of the show, while Piper and Orndorff never really got any credit for how important their roles were. In fact, this whole "book review" starts with a loooong recap of McMahon's quest to go national. Dave also disputes the claim that WWF would not have survived if Wrestlemania hadn't been successful. Vince sure likes to claim that these days, but the reality is, WWE still had the NBC deal, they had tons of exposure on MTV, they still had all the biggest stars in the world, and were still easily selling out major arenas. If Wrestlemania had failed, it would have been a huge blow for sure. And it would have knocked them down a few steps and slowed their expansion. But they still would have been the biggest and strongest "territory" in the business and it's likely they still would have gone national later on some way or another. Because of the way the TV industry was changing, it was inevitable that the territory system was dying and one of these promotions was going to go national sooner or later. And even if Wrestlemania had failed, WWF was still in the best position to do it.
Anyway, the books. Before we get into the reviews, it's worth noting that both books aren't doing great. Hogan's book is expected to debut at #13 on the New York Times bestseller list. For comparison, both Mick Foley and Kurt Angle's books debuted higher. Even WWE's "History of Wrestlemania" book debuted higher. Dave also says from the start that it might not be fair to fully blame Hogan for what is or isn't in this book, since it was ghostwritten and there were a lot of well-publicized issues between Hogan and WWE over how they wanted to edit it. Hogan admitted he should have told the truth about steroids on the Arsenio Hall Show. He protected Eric Bischoff and himself and blamed Vince Russo and Bill Busch for the fall of WCW, not taking any of the blame himself even though a lot of people think he shares in some of it. He was overly nice to everyone, even praising Jay Leno as a good athlete (leading Dave to talk about Leno being so bad that WCW brought in his band leader, Kevin Eubanks, to do all the athletic stuff they didn't trust Leno to do). He apparently had less than nice things to say about Randy Savage in the original draft but it was heavily edited to almost nothing here. Overall, the biggest problem with Hogan's book isn't the accuracy so much as the depth. He just doesn't go into detail on much of anything and as a result, it's a pretty boring book. But this is likely due to WWE heavily editing anything juicy out of it before release. Dave will have a MUCH more in-depth tear-apart of this book next week and oh lord, it's a doozy.
Roddy Piper, on the other hand, freely admitted to his own mistakes and the problems with the business and talked of wrestlers needing to unionize (18 years later, still waiting). There are some inaccuracies and Piper's memory about some things seems hazy, but he doesn't shy away from the darker aspects of the business. Piper's book mostly ends after 1992, with barely a mention of his WCW tenure or much of anything after that. Both Piper and Hogan wrote about Wrestlemania 1 and have different views on how things went. Both Hogan and Piper admitted that no one liked Mr. T. Hogan spent the weeks leading up to Mania trying to keep Mr. T from quitting, while Piper and Orndorff spent those weeks arguing with Vince McMahon because they both refused to put over Mr. T (Orndorff eventually did). Both of them talked about how Mr. T tried to walk out of Wrestlemania on the day of the show, which would have been the biggest disaster in American wrestling history, but Hogan talked him into staying and they ended up doing the match as planned. Piper was fair to Vince, both praising and criticizing him when it was deserved. As is typical of old 80s wrestlers, both Hogan and Piper talked about how basically every show they ever wrestled was a packed house and near-riots and yes, all that shit happened occasionally, but not near as often as old-timers would have you believe.
Look y'all, these book reviews are longer than the books themselves. We gotta wrap this up. He basically recaps them both in full and spends paragraph after paragraph correcting historical facts that each got wrong. Dave liked Piper's book better but neither of them are in the top 5 wrestling books of all time or anything. Both are probably more enjoyable to older fans, with the 1997-onward boom period barely touched on by either book. So if you're a new fan who came along in the Attitude Era and don't care about 1970s Roy Shire stories and shit, these probably ain't for you. Actually, most of this recap is about the Piper book. I pretty much covered the Hogan stuff in that one paragraph, but Dave promises to have a full review of the Hogan book soon.
Hiroshi Tanahashi, one of NJPW's most promising young stars, was stabbed this week by his girlfriend as he attempted to break up with her. As of press time, Tanahashi was still hospitalized but expected to make a full recovery. His girlfriend, 23-year-old Hitomi Hara, was a cable TV interviewer on the Samurai TV network and did lots of interviews for NJPW. She was picked up by police later that day and charged with attempted murder. She allegedly stabbed him twice on the right side of his back with a 9-inch kitchen knife. Tanahashi, who is probably lucky to have survived, escaped the apartment. Hara, who was completely nude, followed him outside and began screaming at him in front of witnesses. Tanahashi jumped on his motor scooter and was able to drive himself to a nearby hospital. One of the stab wounds was close to piercing his lung and doctors said if his back wasn't so muscular, he might have died (stupid sexy Tanahashi strikes again). The doctor called police, but Tanahashi told them to go to the apartment first before coming to see him because he was worried Hara would kill herself. Tanahashi had spent the previous night with Hara at her apartment but that morning, he attempted to break off the relationship. She went nuts and that was that. When police questioned her, Hara admitted she was trying to kill him and said she was thinking of killing herself as well. At NJPW's show the next night, Tatsumi Fujinami cut a promo telling fans he visited Tanahashi in the hospital and he was confined to his bed with very limited movement. This became a major story in Japanese media, and a lot of it actually criticized Tanahashi for being involved in an incident that made wrestling look sleazy to the public. A lot of outlets also compared it to the stabbing death of Rikidozan, the father of Japanese wrestling. Tanahashi is considered the best of the young wrestlers in NJPW and has been slowly being groomed to be a future IWGP champion. He's expected to be hospitalized for a week and out of action for several months.
An hour long Bob Sapp special, which featuring the recent Sapp/Muta match and a bunch of other "entertainment" pieces did a decent, but overall, disappointing TV rating in Japan. Between this and several other recent shows NJPW did, it seems like both major companies in Japan are trying to copy the previously-successful WWE formula of focusing more on storylines and outside-the-ring skits and promos rather than matches. That shit might have worked in the U.S. (and it's working less and less these days), but it really doesn't work in Japan. It also hurts that Sapp, as big of a superstar as he is, has become horribly overexposed. He's wrestling for both AJPW and NJPW and fighting for K-1 and PRIDE, among other things. Plus appearing on TV shows everywhere. Furthermore, he's been getting very little sleep and little training time due to his hectic media schedule, and he's starting to look it. He's still a huge guy, but he didn't look as physically impressive in the Muta match as he did even a month earlier. Plus he's dealing with injuries, particularly leg injuries from a recent K-1 fight. Sapp has gotten this reputation of fighting experienced, but much smaller, fighters. Dave thinks it's only a matter of time before Sapp goes into a ring and gets the shit beat out of him by someone half his size, and that's gonna kill his monster aura. Seems like his handlers agree, because they're clearly trying to milk this Bob Sapp phenomenon for all they can, as fast as they can (yeah we're about 3 months away from Cro Cop breaking his orbital bone and dropping him with one punch).
Kensuke Sasaki is officially gone from NJPW. If you recall, Sasaki had publicly announced two months ago that he was quitting the company but there was some debate over that because he was still under NJPW contract and they didn't seem to want to release him. Plus, Sasaki seemed to have second thoughts, realizing he can't make the kind of money he was making in NJPW by wrestling elsewhere. But he still wasn't happy and despite that, decided he still wanted out. So after months of back and forth negotiations, it's officially over. NJPW agreed to release him from his contract early (it was due to expire in 2 months anyway) and it's expected that Sasaki will join Riki Choshu in whatever new promotion he plans to start after his own departure from NJPW a few months back (he'll be back in a year or so).
NJPW is once again talking about expanding into the U.S. and running shows based around Chyna's star power. There have been talks of American expansion in NJPW for years (and still 18 years later) but trying to run here with Chyna as your top star probably isn't gonna be the most successful venture. Man, Inoki really seemed to think Chyna was his meal ticket.
Antonio Inoki's annual New Year's Eve MMA/wrestling show is happening in a few weeks and word is he's trying to put together Bob Sapp vs. Yoshihiro Takayama. But Takayama wants $650k for the fight, which Dave says is a polite way of saying he doesn't want the fight (he must've gotten the payday he wanted because sure enough, we get that fight. And sure enough, Sapp mauls him).
Speaking of shoots, Jushin Liger faced Minoru Suzuki at the latest Pancrase event. Suzuki destroyed Liger in less than 2 minutes, on what was also Liger's 38th birthday. Shitty way to celebrate your birthday. Also, 38 is way too late to be starting MMA. Liger fought in a modified mask and was choked out quickly. Dave is flabbergasted by NJPW's decision-making. This would be one thing if it was a no-name guy with little to lose and everything to gain. But Liger is one of the company's most legendary stars and got embarrassed by a washed-up MMA fighter 40 pounds lighter than him because he has no experience in shoot fighting. This did nothing but hurt NJPW and Liger. But his star-power definitely helped Pancrase, which drew its largest crowd in ages because of Liger. NJPW (and let's face it, this is all Inoki) has been doing this kind of thing repeatedly for the last few years and it has devastated NJPW, which was the biggest and most successful wrestling promotion in the world just 5 years ago. It's almost like Inoki is trying to kill the company or something.

WATCH: Minoru Suzuki vs. Jushin Liger - Pancrase 2002

WWA started its latest desperate survival tour in Dublin, Ireland. Disco Inferno and promoter Andrew McManus did commentary, live over the speakers so the crowd could hear it, which is still weird no matter how often they do it. There was no announced lineup before the show. They have another PPV this week in Glasgow and there's no lineup announced for that either, other than the Luger vs. Sting main event. But that's in question now too because Luger has bronchitis and missed several of the shows on this tour earlier in the week. Fun fact, remember how Scott Steiner was supposed to be on this tour, but WWE signed him? If you recall, McManus was willing to let Steiner out of the shows he was contracted to do, feeling that WWE would owe him one and they would make good on it. And if you recall, Dave laughed heartily at the idea that McManus believed that. Well, WWE offered to send Godfather in exchange for Steiner. What a trade! So that was the plan. But....Godfather pulled out of the tour, claiming a knee injury, and as a result, WWA got absolutely nothing from WWE in exchange for Steiner. Because duh. Anyone who's been paying attention to how Vince McMahon conducts business for the last 20 years should have seen that coming. Anyway, the matches on this tour were both Sting and Luger's first matches since WCW folded almost 2 years ago. Luger was said to have looked old and appeared sick, and, well, he was. Sting looked better than expected and did well. Both men were allegedly paid around $100k for 2 weeks of work, so it's easy to see why they came out of retirement for it.
Latest from TNA saw Vince Russo cut a shoot promo where he talked about how he thinks TNA sucks. He also admitted he was the one who came up with the name, just in case you were the one person on earth who still believed TNA when they claimed Russo wasn't involved with them at the very beginning. He also talked about WWE sucking and he's back to save wrestling, said WWE tried to bury Jarrett, he took credit for making Jarrett a top star in WCW, etc. Then they had Mike Tenay talk about Russo killing WCW and basically, this whole angle is supposed to be "a shoot, bro" so everyone is talking about all this real-life stuff. TNA still claims Russo isn't booking or writing for them but literally no one believes that. Russo himself went on a radio show later in the week and admitted that he's basically writing his own current storyline but said he's not writing anything else (and it's not a coincidence that Russo's storyline is essentially the focal point of the company and main event angle). But wait, it gets better! After the show, which ended with Ron Killings attacking Russo and them getting into a brawl, Killings went backstage and was screaming that Russo was shooting on him by throwing real punches in the ring. This isn't actually true by the way. The backstage thing was a work. Even though this didn't air on TV, it was done because they knew the dirtsheets would report it and then "everyone" would know about it. Just more Russo being Russo.
TNA has also been trying to get some "old-timers" to come in and cut promos about how they hate Russo for what he did to the business. He has so much heat, bro! Why not turn it into an angle, bro? Roddy Piper, Dusty Rhodes, and Bobby Heenan have all been talked to. Heenan was going to do it at first, mostly to promote his book, but when he found out the storyline, he changed his mind, saying he's not gonna be fooled into participating in an angle that will help Vince Russo and said as long as Russo is involved, he won't work with TNA.
Speaking of people who hate Russo, Jeff Jarrett has been trying to smooth things over with Sean Waltman. As of now, Waltman ain't budging and Jarrett even tried to talk him into coming back one last time and cutting a promo to say he was quitting because of Russo, but Waltman refused that also, for the same reason as Heenan. He's not going to participate in helping to get Russo over. Waltman has no more interest in TNA and is reportedly trying to get into NJPW. No word on Scott Hall, who was pretty much only showing up so he could hang out with Waltman. Hall is in the midst of a custody battle with his ex-wife and has some court dates for that coming up and he turned down TNA's offer to make him a tag team champion with Waltman (who also turned it down) because he's not ready to come back yet. So his status is basically, he'll show up if he wants to and TNA will gladly take him. Or he won't (man, was this company ever not mismanaged?)
Various WWE notes: Kurt Angle is having his knee scoped after this month's PPV and will likely be out until Rumble. Kevin Nash's torn quad recovery is going far slower than expected and it's too soon to even have a vague idea of when he'll be back, but it's gonna be a long time. Several top wrestlers on Raw have been told Steve Austin is returning soon (yeah, within the next few weeks, they start working the angle that leads to his return in February). Raven's new storyline is based on a gimmick from the movie "Se7en" and its something Raven has been pitching forever (WWE gives up on it in a matter of weeks).
Notes from Raw: Dave says it featured the dumbest-booked main event since WCW folded, but we'll get there in a minute. Paul London, Bryan Danielson, and Michael Shane worked tryout matches. Victoria went through Jacqueline's bags and accused her of having a vibrator. Oh, the scandal! Eric Bischoff offered Scott Steiner ten women but he instead left with Stephanie McMahon. Sure, why not? And the main event: Triple H faced RVD, with Shawn Michaels as the special referee. It was clear after the Elimination Chamber botch that RVD was desperately trying not to hurt him and the match sucked because of it. And even with Shawn Michaels as guest referee, trying repeatedly to help RVD win, Triple H still pulled out the victory. It was an overbooked mess that made RVD look like a joke who couldn't beat Triple H despite the referee blatantly cheating to help him. What a babyface. Dave hated this.
Notes from tapings for next week's Smackdown: they did a big lesbian angle with Torrie Wilson and Dawn Marie. The story was apparently that Al Wilson wasn't there, so Dawn started hitting on Torrie and agreed to cancel the wedding with Torrie's dad if she would come to her hotel room and have sex with her. They also filmed an angle in a hotel room with those two making out that didn't air in the arena, so Dave doesn't know if this will end up airing on TV (it eventually airs, but we'll get there). Chris Benoit cut a promo that was said to be the best of his career. He talked about everything he's sacrificed for wrestling, noting he has an ex-wife and two kids in Edmonton that he never sees. And he has a wife and a baby in Atlanta that he's away from most of the week (oof) and talked about his neck injury and goal of winning the world title some day. Said to be incredible. A long 4-way match with Angle, Eddie, Benoit, and Edge was said to be phenomenal. Angle won and will face Big Show for the title at the PPV next week.
Notes from this week's Smackdown: it was the weakest episode of the show in months. Way too much Stephanie McMahon and too much Fabulous Moolah also. Ernest "The Cat" Miller was on commentary and was as terrible as everyone warned him it was. Torrie/Dawn Marie/Al Wilson segment was worse than most of Raw's worst stuff. And that's about it.
WWE recently attempted to purchase the Mid-South/UWF video library from Bill Watts' ex-wife. In Bill Watts divorce with his first wife, she actually ended up with ownership of the video library, in case you're wondering. No word on how that negotiation is going but they're trying. They are also negotiating with the Gagne family to buy the AWA library and it's clear WWE has plans for marketing old videos and possibly doing a 24-hour wrestling channel at some point (ended up taking another decade before WWE finally managed to get the Mid-South/UWF footage in 2012).
Nathan Jones has been working WWE house shows and Vince McMahon, unsurprisingly, loves him and wants to book him as a huge unbeatable monster immediately. Also of note, during one of his ring entrances, Jones jumped from the floor to the ring apron, which is what Brock Lesnar does. Well, Lesnar was none too pleased and confronted him backstage after and told him that's his deal and not to do it anymore.

NEXT WEDNESDAY: more on Mr. Wrestling's passing, K-1 promoter Kazuyoshi Ishii under investigation for tax fraud, Bob Sapp wins controversial fight, CMLL news, WWA news, Japanese end of the year tournament news, Roddy Piper "shoots" on Vince Russo on TNA PPV, Rey Mysterio injured, and more. Only 3 Rewinds left...

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Little johnny jokes. A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception. She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said, “Children, I’d like you to close your eyes and taste these.” See TOP 10 little Johnny jokes from collection of 238 jokes rated by visitors. The funniest little Johnny jokes only! Little Johnny's preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class: "Does anyone know what this is?" Little Johnny's hand shot up and the firefighter called on him. Little Johnny replied: "That's how Mommy knows supper is ready!" Developer Johnny Ronan and former Olympian Philip Cassidy apologised on Wednesday after a video showing them joking in a South African bar about coronavirus sparked anger on social media.. Mr ... Back to: Classic Adult Jokes. Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher. She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an "r" after the first letter." The entire class ... Following is our collection of Little Johnny jokes which are very funny. There are some little johnny tiny jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. Little Johnny jokes: Little Johnny is a schoolboy that always have questions about everything. And when you always ask questions the answers can be pretty funny. Or just the situation from the questions. Helen Keller jokes: Helen Keller is a famous woman born in 1880. Check out 20 Really Funny School Jokes that will make you laugh. 7. The teacher called Little Johnny to her desk. She said: “This essay you’ve written about your pet dog is exactly the same essay your brother has written.” “Of course it is.” said Johnny. Funny Little Johnny Jokes! - Teacher: "How Far Have You Gone With Your Homework Johnny?" Little Johnny: "About 8 Kilometers Miss. I Went Home With It And Came Back With It This Morning." A teacher asked her 6th-grade class how many of them were Donald Trump fans. Not really knowing what a Donald Trump fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for smart Little Johnny.

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Norm Macdonald's Dirty Johnny Joke - YouTube

Have U Heard About Little Johnny? He Gets up to all sorts of strife The Little scamp . FaceBook - https://www.facebook.com/mick.themidd...Twitter - https://t... Watch Carson episodes every night on Antenna TV at 10:00PM ET / 7:00PM PT and 4:00PM ET / 1:00AM PT!Johnny Carson's joke bombs about Brooke Shields going to ... About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features Press Copyright Contact us Creators ... Little Johnny Jokes That Make You Laugh Jokes To Tell Your Friends.Little Johnny Jokes compilation that are actually funny. This set of funny jokes are all L... Watch Carson episodes every night on Antenna TV at 10:00PM ET / 7:00PM PT and 4:00PM ET / 1:00AM PT!Johnny Carson reads funny sayings and cliches that you'll... About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features Press Copyright Contact us Creators ... Little Johnny Jokes - Little Johnny And His Teacher In Class At School.Little Johnny was in class and his school teacher wrote a sentence on the board. Funny... Johnny Carson jokes about the recent toilet paper shortage. There was actually not a toilet paper shortage, but after Johnny delivered this joke people ran o...

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Courtney Love admitted to making plans to cheat on Kurt Cobain in Rome but he caught her. Infidelity is why Kurt was divorcing Courtney as she claimed he was doing and she would have lost everything in court. How many people are aware of this motive? Isn't this a classic and huge motive for murder?

Taking up a traditional musical instrument to play sea shanties and sea songs (for total novices or experienced musicians)

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Alanah Pearce's Interview with Journalists who played the 16 hour media preview

00:00 - Intro

01:48 - What are your overall impressions?

03:42 - How has melee and driving changed since the previous preview?

06:29 - Were there any cool weapons that you got that stood out?

07:03 - Phil: It is possible to break and re-establish stealth

07:29 - Were there any cool weapons that you got that stood out?

07:46 - What lifepath did you pick?

08:10 - What impact did your lifepath have on the experience?

10:58 - When does Johnny Silverhand come into play? (Potential spoilers)

11:46 - Tom: Cyberpunk has the pace of an RPG, not an Action Game

14:07 - How do you feel about combat overall?

17:50 - How easy is it to do a pacifist run?

19:16 - What happens when you die?

19:54 - What do you anticipate the initial public reaction will be?

20:36 - How was Johnny Silverhand?

23:25 - How populated did you feel the world was?

26:19 - Do you feel like the styles and people change as you move through the city?

27:49 - Did either of you get into the romance options?

31:55 - Aside: Guesses about game length

32:44 - How did you feel about the side quests? (Potential spoilers)

37:31 - Can you dramatically change your appearance with Cyberware?

39:44 - How often did you see yourself?

40:34 - Is there gambling at all?

42:18 - Photo mode?

42:34 - Is there a property market?

43:35 - How many buildings can you enter?

46:40 - How was braindance?

48:35 - What was your literal favorite part of the game?

52:21 - Outro