Edit - Got a PM from the faker titled; "Do you know what it feels like to log on and have half a dozen ppl calling you crazy?" I tried to reassure him it's all good but he's distraught. Said some things that made me feel guilty and I might delete this thread if he asks me to. I guess the damage is done though. Nice job dicks who harassed him, he seems like a nice enough guy. Said to keep it up but he wants nothing to do with TEFG anymore.
The Evil Farming Game is an old computer game that involves a farm, hiding the murder of your wife from police, and other vague creepy details. It was first mentioned online 4 years ago in a sub for finding video games; https://www.reddit.com/tipofmyjoystick/comments/4h5w1w/this_game_was_kind_of_like_harvest_moon
This got some attention for some reason, and people began to hunt. People were communicating with OP, mentioning games they find which are similar to either have them confirmed or ruled out. Nobody can find it. A couple of years pass and another post is made, this time by a different person. It seems to sound like this fellow is looking for the same game! https://www.reddit.com/tipofmyjoystick/comments/a6wfbm/pc_evil_farming_game/
This fueled the fire even more. People were wondering just what this "Evil Farming Game" was, why it was made, if it even exists. The gaming mystery caught some traction with a couple of popular youtubers and was featured in a couple of videos. It was around this time, a year ago that /ThatEvilFarmingGame begun.
A community which spent a year naming possible games, following leads, being trolled here and there with "broken laptops" and just waiting for the day "Sparta" (OP of the first post) confirms "Yes this is the game." The Subreddit grew to 10,000 people in a year and even branched off onto Discord. At some point someone decided to start a project of re-Creating this game based on the details known. The whole thing started to form it's own little cult based on the idea of this vague game.
Tons of threads, searching and speculating. https://www.reddit.com/ThatEvilFarmingGame/comments/k5ousd/idk_if_i_found_something_but_it_might_be_worth/ https://www.reddit.com/ThatEvilFarmingGame/comments/jc6u6g/i_believe_the_evil_farming_game_is_confused/ Dozens of this nature. It's all guess work from everyone, they only have a small list of games they know it's not.
After some time most users seem to reach the conclusion it doesn't exist. https://www.reddit.com/ThatEvilFarmingGame/comments/ihp5ywe_all_know_its_fake/ https://www.reddit.com/ThatEvilFarmingGame/comments/ijjuke/can_we_stop_with_all_the_troll_posts_and_this/
One day a suspiciously low quality, yet credible picture of a game was posted. With it were matching known details and some new ones. For the first time there were also detailed descriptions of the game play mechanics, which sounded like a playable game. It was topped off with the usual story of "on a friends old PC, better evidence soon. There have been many open ended promises of the like over time and people were jaded. However this thread had a ring of truth to it, for what it was. https://www.reddit.com/ThatEvilFarmingGame/comments/kt6dcf/this_has_to_be_it_right_the_premise_is_exactly/ (Actual screenshot) https://imgur.com/AVQw8P8
Then it was deleted after only a day. The OP telling the moderator that they feared doxxing, knowing how big it would be to reveal the actual game. They would report back with real evidence soon. https://www.reddit.com/ThatEvilFarmingGame/comments/kt9cjl/why_the_op_deleted_his_post/
Deleting it like that seemed to add credibility to it and gave people hope that this time the game would be found. This person wasn't looking for fame. They deleted their entire profile. The original story of how the game was found and how the screenshot was taken was flawed under a microscope, but also completely plausible. A few other people came out and said they had played this game before, or it was familiar. It was looking to be promising.
A lot of speculation occurred. https://www.reddit.com/ThatEvilFarmingGame/comments/ky0kfj/what_do_you_see_in_the_screenshot/
The general consensus being if it was a real game it maybe even THE game. The moderator of the sub was in communication with "Sparta" (OP of TEFG) allegedly. He sent the screenshot over.

"I can't tell, not good enough quality." https://www.reddit.com/ThatEvilFarmingGame/comments/kxk5dd/not_a_lead_for_the_game_i_am_sorry_about_being/

This provoked a lot of questions, naturally.
Most people agreed that despite the low quality picture, the game itself was quite clear. Clear enough that it SHOULD have gotten a clear yes or no from the only person known to have played it. People began to question the moderator more. They questioned this alleged "Sparta." They questioned the whole premise of That Evil Farming Game.
Until the game in the screen shot surfaced they were in limbo and questioning everything once again. https://www.reddit.com/ThatEvilFarmingGame/comments/kt9cjl/why_the_op_deleted_his_post/gj41mmm/ https://www.reddit.com/ThatEvilFarmingGame/comments/kx48zw/someone_somewhere_is_lying/
There was one user who became particularly active at the same time the OP of the screenshot disappeared.
This person made a very long thread breaking down why they thought the screenshot was plausible. They were also grilling the moderator pretty hard with questions the Mod couldn't seem to answer, across other threads. This user was apparently trying to establish the credibility of the alleged "OP" and the Mod's communication with him, and knowledge that it was in fact the same person.
This user would post a paragraph of 4 or 5 clear questions and the moderator would reply with very vague answers to 1 or 2. There were claims made of the moderator having an alt, or more. This user claimed to be getting downvoted 3 times in quick succession on replies to the moderator within moments of the moderator replying. Some posts deleted. https://www.reddit.com/ThatEvilFarmingGame/comments/kx48zw/someone_somewhere_is_lying/gjdbgqi/ https://www.reddit.com/ThatEvilFarmingGame/comments/kx48zw/someone_somewhere_is_lying/gj9z6vd/ https://www.reddit.com/ThatEvilFarmingGame/comments/kx48zw/someone_somewhere_is_lying/gj83tlt/ (Image in reply: https://imgur.com/a/EVbADTF )
This person was very determined to find hard answers.
Is the screenshot real? Is it The Evil Farming Game? Is the moderator even in communication with OP? How do they know it's actually OP? Why can't OP ID the game?
A popular theory is that it is some sort of scam to promote the game being built to "recreate TEFG based on known details." https://www.reddit.com/ThatEvilFarmingGame/comments/k92j7i/i_am_starting_to_think_efg_is_a_advertisement/
In a twist, this new and active user came out and made a thread: after a week of asking dozens of questions which had poor answers and writing a books worth on the subject of TEFG.
They admitted to being the one who spent hours fabricating the screenshot.
They had burned a 6 year old, 50k karma account which originally posted the screenshot and story to add more credibility to the whole thing. They made a new account just to question the whole idea of the game, make people think about it. They had also left breadcrumb's of evidence along the way expecting it to turn up. It was another more clear screen shot, with a fabricated email conversation posted in the comments of one of the screenshots imgur links.
The post had proof of deleted posts mentioning how it's probably marketing. They revealed that they had spent the month on and off coming up with the idea as a way to "investigate" if the game was real. They stressed they were doing it in nature of "investigating" and not as a troll job, hence admitting it. After a long break down of a lot of "evidence" of all sorts of things the fake they were met with mostly mockery or hostility. They edited the post to simply say "I misunderstood the purpose of this sub. Yes, I deleted my own thread." Before deleting the thread and vanishing.
https://www.reddit.com/ThatEvilFarmingGame/comments/kzb5hm/the_truth_about_the_screenshot_and_the_results_of/
After some time this user came back. They had posted a long breakdown of the situation the day after the screenshot was posted. The thread got a lot of traction. This post was now edited to include a more condensed version of "the investigation" along with admitting to falsifying evidence up top. The user claimed they had done it all for their own curiosity. For the purpose of the hunt and that they were satisfied with their answer; "the game never existed." They deleted the original "grand reveal" of apparently a months work of investigation due to the hostility. Only revealing the truth of the forgery in an edit on the old thread and a couple of replies to old comments.
https://www.reddit.com/ThatEvilFarmingGame/comments/kts7og/new_to_the_hunt_just_some_thoughts_about/
What do you think? A long con troll? A real investigative tactic? Does the game exist? Why does someone care so much? Why did I spend all afternoon going through this?

[Video Games]One user turns the hunt for an obscure and possibly fake PC game into a month long investigation, or possible troll?

The Evil Farming Game is an old computer game that involves a farm, hiding the murder of your wife from police, and other vague creepy details. It was first mentioned online 4 years ago in a sub for finding video games; https://www.reddit.com/tipofmyjoystick/comments/4h5w1w/this_game_was_kind_of_like_harvest_moon
This got some attention for some reason, and people began to hunt. People were communicating with OP, mentioning games they find which are similar to either have them confirmed or ruled out. Nobody can find it. A couple of years pass and another post is made, this time by a different person. It seems to sound like this fellow is looking for the same game! https://www.reddit.com/tipofmyjoystick/comments/a6wfbm/pc_evil_farming_game/
This fueled the fire even more. People were wondering just what this "Evil Farming Game" was, why it was made, if it even exists. The gaming mystery caught some traction with a couple of popular youtubers and was featured in a couple of videos. It was around this time, a year ago that /ThatEvilFarmingGame begun.
A community which spent a year naming possible games, following leads, being trolled here and there with "broken laptops" and just waiting for the day "Sparta" (OP of the first post) confirms "Yes this is the game." The Subreddit grew to 10,000 people in a year and even branched off onto Discord. At some point someone decided to start a project of re-Creating this game based on the details known. The whole thing started to form it's own little cult based on the idea of this vague game.
Tons of threads, searching and speculating. https://www.reddit.com/ThatEvilFarmingGame/comments/k5ousd/idk_if_i_found_something_but_it_might_be_worth/ https://www.reddit.com/ThatEvilFarmingGame/comments/jc6u6g/i_believe_the_evil_farming_game_is_confused/ Dozens of this nature. It's all guess work from everyone, they only have a small list of games they know it's not.
After some time most users seem to reach the conclusion it doesn't exist. https://www.reddit.com/ThatEvilFarmingGame/comments/ihp5ywe_all_know_its_fake/ https://www.reddit.com/ThatEvilFarmingGame/comments/ijjuke/can_we_stop_with_all_the_troll_posts_and_this/
One day a suspiciously low quality, yet credible picture of a game was posted. With it were matching known details and some new ones. For the first time there were also detailed descriptions of the game play mechanics, which sounded like a playable game. It was topped off with the usual story of "on a friends old PC, better evidence soon. There have been many open ended promises of the like over time and people were jaded. However this thread had a ring of truth to it, for what it was. https://www.reddit.com/ThatEvilFarmingGame/comments/kt6dcf/this_has_to_be_it_right_the_premise_is_exactly/ (Actual screenshot) https://imgur.com/AVQw8P8
Then it was deleted after only a day. The OP telling the moderator that they feared doxxing, knowing how big it would be to reveal the actual game. They would report back with real evidence soon. https://www.reddit.com/ThatEvilFarmingGame/comments/kt9cjl/why_the_op_deleted_his_post/
Deleting it like that seemed to add credibility to it and gave people hope that this time the game would be found. This person wasn't looking for fame. They deleted their entire profile. The original story of how the game was found and how the screenshot was taken was flawed under a microscope, but also completely plausible. A few other people came out and said they had played this game before, or it was familiar. It was looking to be promising.
A lot of speculation occurred. https://www.reddit.com/ThatEvilFarmingGame/comments/ky0kfj/what_do_you_see_in_the_screenshot/
The general consensus being if it was a real game it maybe even THE game. The moderator of the sub was in communication with "Sparta" (OP of TEFG) allegedly. He sent the screenshot over.

"I can't tell, not good enough quality." https://www.reddit.com/ThatEvilFarmingGame/comments/kxk5dd/not_a_lead_for_the_game_i_am_sorry_about_being/

£400* budget build for my son, we're both pretty happy with it!

35 life lessons I wish I learned years earlier

My name is Jared A. Brock. Having just turned 35, I sat down to reflect on everything I’ve learned so far and made a list of the things I wish I learned far sooner. None of these are rules or commands for you to follow, just personal reflections from a decade of journaling. I hope they save you a lot of time, energy, and struggle:

1. “Save the best for last” is terrible advice.

A French monk taught me this one. Every morning, I put on the newest pair of socks in my drawer. Why wear the rattiest pair? When I sit down to eat, I eat the tastiest bits first. Why let them get cold? After every shower, I put on my favorite clean t-shirt. I have a great bottle of 10-year-old Laphroaig scotch in my cupboard, but I probably won’t drink it for months because I received two bottles of reactor-aged Lost Spirits single malt for Christmas.
Why? Because life is hard enough and we aren’t promised tomorrow. This doesn’t mean we should throw caution to the wind and “live in the moment” at all times, but it does mean we should try to find the golden middle and glean a little bit of pleasure from every day we’re blessed to live. “Save the best for last” is poverty-mentality thinking. It expects worse in the future. Enjoy the best right now — in your marriage, parenting, work, travel, faith, friendship, contribution. Keep all the chips on the table. Be ready at all times to leave without regret.

2. Tools use us.

A hammer literally cannot hit a nail without using a human. A saw cannot cut through a board without using a human. A phone cannot deliver ads without using a human.

3. Avoid false dichotomies.

When given two great options, choose both. When given two horrible options, choose neither.

4. Failure is overcome by one word.

“Next.”

5. Ambition is ruinous for your happiness.

Most goal-setters (myself included) live much of life in anticipation of tomorrow, and when that day arrives, they’re either disappointed by their failures or underwhelmed by their successes.
Instead: trust the process. Whiskey, pasta, bread, beer, and cereal all require just two ingredients — wheat and water — but the outcome is completely different based on the process. Identity precedes action. Determine what you want to be, then find the process that will get you there every single time.

6. Forget what the market wants.

Listen to your gut. Your body knows the difference between good and great. Someone said you should never record a song or code an app or write an article unless it makes you laugh, cry, or orgasm. If an idea doesn’t move you, it won’t move an audience, no matter how “commercial” you think it is.

7. Give yourself a shove.

The best way to eat more candy, drink more vodka, and smoke more cigarettes is to leave them in the middle of the kitchen counter.
You get it. Willpower is useless. Instead, line up a series of little nudges to automatically get you through your day. If you want to work out, leave your shorts by the door or your cleats in your fridge. My blue diode glasses rest on top of my laptop so I have to protect my eyes before logging online. I can’t not see my vitamins when I brush my teeth, or chia seeds when I reach for the Brita. There’s a book beside my bed, toilet, desk, and car’s gear shifter.
Line up enough nudges and you can shove yourself in the right direction.

8. Grandma didn’t use toilet paper.

She used pages from the Sears catalog. Splinter-free wasn’t available until 1935. The Romans used sponges. The Greeks used clay. Francois Rabelais recommended using “the neck of a goose.” Arabians used their left hand.
Never assume our extremely unique cultural moment is “normal.”

9. Ninety-nine isn’t enough.

Water boils at 100 degrees Celcius. The difference between 99 and 100 is the difference between zero and one. Not-boiling, boiling.
Corollary: 101 doesn’t make it any more boiling.

10. Old people know better.

Honoring our elders is one of the most underrated practices in our newness-obsessed society. Sure, there are a ton of old crazy far-right conspiracy theorists, but there are also good people who have survived four wars, six recessions, and twelve presidents and are somehow still smiling. Get to know them.
Also: meet your old-person self. I try to invent a new word every week — one of them is preflection. To ponder the present through the eyes of your future self. Take an hour in silence to listen to your eighty-year-old self. They might know something you don’t.

11. Fire all your employees.

The employer-employee relationship creates an unhealthy power dynamic between humans that simply didn’t exist when we worked cooperatively to feed our clan or village. I love my work life so much more now that I only work with independent entrepreneurs who are my equals. For me, it’s either a one-man show (my writing business), an equal partnership (my film company), or a co-operative endeavor. Life’s too short to be a boss or be bossed around.

12. Accept that you are a voracious locust of doom.

Nail a roll of paper to the wall and write down everything you consume for a year — food, toilet paper, electricity, car fuel, movies, music, social media content, other people’s time, everything. See what I mean?
Saint Augustine said that the human heart can only fully be satisfied by one thing aside from God himself: everything. All the sex, all the money, all the power, all the possessions, all the glory. All of it. Nothing short of everything could ever fully satiate the human heart. We are wired for more.
Understanding this truth is the first step toward real contentment.

13. Awkward is awesome.

My best friend says that The Office gave society a beautiful gift: the ability to embrace cringe. When you meet someone new and it’s slightly weird, pretend you’re Michael Scott. Just glory and bask in the discomfort.
You can awkward-proof your life by being bold: Ask for discounts. Ask for refunds. Ask for phone numbers. Ask for pay raises. Ask inappropriate questions at inappropriate times. Lather yourself in awkward and pretty soon nothing sticks.

14. Happiness isn’t the purpose of life.

Hitler really was following his bliss by offing millions of Jews. I’m sure Jeffrey Dahmer genuinely enjoyed the taste of human flesh. Bernie Madoff seemed content to bilk charities for decades.
Happiness isn’t the purpose of life. It’s not even in the top ten. Happiness is a seasonal fruit, not a foundational root. Find firm and fertile ground.

15. There is no ugly.

My grandpa re-proposed to my grandma on their fiftieth wedding anniversary and called her the most beautiful woman he’s ever known. Old wrinkly grandma? Yes. Because we choose our definition of beauty through our thoughts, disciplines, habits, and patterns, be they conscious or otherwise.

16. We are what we consume.

The statistical average American is a walking bodybag of sugar, alcohol, caffeine, porn, pills, and digital stimulus. Imagine how different life would be if our only inputs were nature, sleep, sunlight, organic food, and embodied human interaction?
Guard your inputs carefully.

17. We’re going to die quite soon.

Make sure you live first. Practicing memento mori will help.

18. Fame is poison.

One in four Gen Zers thinks they’ll be famous by age 25. One in 3.9999999 Gen Zers are going to have a miserably disappointing life.
Why do people desire the attention of strangers? Because we all need to love and be loved, to know and be known, but are too afraid to risk personal heartbreak to seek it out. Attention is not affection. Influence is not intimacy.

19. Boomers are to blame for half our troubles.

The Me Generation took a free ride at the planet’s expense and are hellbent on taking the rest of it with them. They’re statistically low on empathy — blame the lead, asbestos, and hairspray if you must — but at least acknowledge the reality that life is hard for everyone, and no one has it easier.

20. Children are dope.

Kids are the blood transfusion in our sick system. We need to stop manipulating, brainwashing, colonizing, and propagandizing them, and learn from them instead.

21. It doesn’t have to hurt.

Joy is a choice.

22. Watch comedy before calls and meetings.

Five minutes of gut-busting laughter will prime you for even the most tedious conference call. Your co-workers and customers all have tough lives like everybody else, so brighten their day by pre-brightening your own.

23. No ragrets.

Tattoo it on your neck. Most people play it far too safe. Instead: optimize your life for the least number of regrets and the most amount of selfless contribution.

24. There are better ways to vote.

I’ve manned several local voting stations, and I’ve also hob-nobbed with politicians in Canada, America, and the UK. The reality is that they don’t work for us. They work for their corporate sponsors and private interests.
Democracy isn’t dead. It just hasn’t happened yet, with all attempts to date being stillborn or aborted. Democracy = one voice one vote. Athens wasn’t a democracy — women, slaves, and tenants had zero say. America isn’t a democracy either — no representative system is, because it’s far too easy for private interests to buy politicians. The charade of voting is illusory. All elections are sham elections.
So what to do? Vote with your money and time and attention. One sham vote every four years versus tens of thousands of dollar-votes each year? It’s a no-brainer. My wife and I haven’t stepped foot in a Walmart in more than a decade because thousands of its suppliers are based in China, the billionaire heirs are anti-democratic tax-avoiders, and they treat their employees like indentured servants. Vote for pro-democracy third-party candidates if you must — just understand the game, and vote in the ways that actually matter.

25. Everything easy has already been done.

So run a little further.
And if it hasn’t been done, it won’t be as easy as it appears. The question to ask is: what’s been standing in the way this whole time? Achievement is all about knocking down obstacles. Just make sure what’s on the other side is rightly worth the effort.

26. Broccoli still tastes terrible.

But you’re not a child anymore. Adults do hard things.

27. Fixed-order scheduling > fixed-hour scheduling.

Discipline is great, but it’s also subject to the law of diminishing returns. Life is just too dynamic to schedule with military precision. Free yourself from the tyranny of “only people who wake up at 5 AM are successful.”
All hours are not created equal. It depends on your sleep drive and chronotype. Know yourself. Unapologetically get more sleep, then do your best work at your best time in your best state.

28. “Freedom” isn’t freedom.

America wasn’t founded on freedom. America was founded on violent autonomy.
The ancient Greeks had an entirely different definition of freedom: it was the ability to choose the right regardless of circumstance.

“We talk about freedom all the time, but we’ve stopped talking about freedom a long time ago. Now we’re talking about autonomy. Freedom is different than autonomy. Freedom has boundaries. Truth is one of those boundaries. And morality is one of those boundaries. Autonomy is the ability to do whatever you want whenever you want in whatever way you want. The problem is this: If I’m autonomous and another person is autonomous, and I have preferences and those matter more than the truth, and that person has preferences and their preferences matter more than the truth, when two autonomous preference-seeking beings come together and their preferences don’t match, who is going to win? If truth is on the bottom shelf, truth won’t decide. What will decide will be power. And isn’t it ironic that in our quest for “freedom”, someone gets enslaved?” — Abdu Murray

29. The Marines were right: slow is smooth, smooth is fast.

As teenagers, my friend Tyler and I were in a hurry to get somewhere quickly so we drove 120+ miles per hour for forty-five straight minutes before nearly crashing when the speed burned a footlong gash through the tire. By the time we replaced it with a spare, we were late to our destination by more than an hour.
But nevermind driving. Pump the life-brakes sometimes, or at least, let off the gas. You might get there faster, with less wear-and-tear on the engine.

30. The quest for wealth is destroying life.

We’ve commodified land, water, shelter, clothing, art, time, and nearly everything else. Very little remains, and it’s amassing into fewer hands.
We need a shared global vision. My invented word for it is benevitae: the sustainable flourishing of all creation. Our collective goal should be socioenviroeconomic sustainability. Where to start? We’d do well to let biology determine ecological sustainability and real democracy to determine economic fairness. Our current trajectory is worse than the Space Shuttle Challenger.

31. Most “leaders” aren’t leaders.

Celebrities, politicians, and book-hocking business gurus all call themselves leaders. They’re not.
Real leadership is influence that serves. True leaders are selfless and servant-hearted. They put the best interests of others ahead of their own. Politics and media, by comparison, attracts sociopaths like flies to firelight. Never give power to those who seek it. Nearly everyone worth following is dead.

32. Divide-and-conquer is a business model.

Near the end of high school, dozen friends and I binge-watched multiple seasons of LOST in our friend Mike’s basement. It was one of the most hilarious, riotous, enjoyable experiences we had as a group.
And it was the last show we ever watched together.
People used to go to restaurants in large numbers, to the movies by the dozen, climbing over each other for one of the limited video game controllers, packing out our churches, cheering on our sports teams by the busload. We were almost never alone, and we were far happier. Now we order in, watch Netflix, stream Minecraft, catch the highlights, watch porn, and go to bed. It’s killing us.
Resist the urge to be alone. It’s too easy, and it’s the exact opposite of what we really need. The #1 thing that’s correlated to human happiness is human togetherness.

33. Self-improvement won’t save us.

The great lie of individualist-consumerist culture is that we can improve our way to personal perfection and communal utopia. But it’s incrementalism at best.
It’s just chasing infinity.

34. We know nothing +/-.

On the scale of all that is known, and all that is knowable, our individual understanding is essentially mathematically zero. The entirety of human knowledge is a rounding error.
This is the beginning of humility.

35. The sun is not on fire

I was at an observatory in the Davis Mountains in Texas, and it was the first time I’d paid attention to astronomy since grade school. For three decades, I’d wrongly assumed the sun was a giant ball of flames.
But there’s no fire in space because there’s no oxygen in space. (It just looks like fire because of how our eyes perceive light through the atmosphere and prism.) As I stared at the real-time image of the sun on the observatory wall, I nearly wept. The sun actually looks like a giant, boiling, grey brain.
And then it hit me: I have so many assumptions to set aside and so much left to learn. So pay attention. Don’t worship the “question everything” mantra, but instead spend your life seeking truth, and wisdom, and understanding.
You know what you need to do to get where you want to be.

"I think I've lived long enough to see competitive Counter-Strike as we know it, kill itself." Summary of Richard Lewis' stream (Long)

I want to preface that the contents of this post is for informational purposes. I do not condone or approve of any harassments or witch-hunting or the attacking of anybody.

Richard Lewis recently did a stream talking about the terrible state of CS esports and I thought it was an important stream anyone who cares about the CS community should listen to.
Vod Link here: https://www.twitch.tv/videos/830415547
I realize it is 3 hours long so I took it upon myself to create a list of interesting points from the stream so you don't have to listen to the whole thing, although I still encourage you to do so if you can.
I know this post is still long but probably easier to digest, especially in parts.
Here is a link to my raw notes if you for some reason want to read through this which includes some omitted stuff. It's in chronological order of things said in the stream and has some time stamps. https://pastebin.com/6QWTLr8T

Intro

"The last month has convinced me, that we are going to be heading into a dark place for Counter-Strike esports in 2021."
- "I think I've seen the scene essentially kill itself."
"For the past 5 to 6 years, we've basically been in a holding pattern of people coming into our game wanting to run it, wanting to run all of the esports and wanting to profiteer and its been sort of a concerted effort to drive them off and push them away."
- "We're spread way too thin."
"If Riot don't get involved and stop the scumbags that have moved over to Valorant from getting their feet under the table, Valorant is going to have real problems."
RL thinks too much has happened all at once for us to do anything except watch it play out, like:
- Recent CSPPA strike against BLAST
- ESIC failures and them not being supported enough
- Teams cheating i.e. coaches/bugs
- Widespread match fixing
- The Pandemic
  - "People who try to hold bubble events are so incompetent and fuck up and people get the 'rona and its their fault."
  - "People who say Flashpoint is a bubble is full of shit and is a lie and people are now suffering for that lie."
    - "To save money they let people go home and break the bubble for a week."
    - "Not just Flashpoint peoples decision, they have a partner that handles the production." (hinting FACEIT)
    - "People are trapped in hotels essentially under house arrest because of COVID restrictions and has fucked peoples lives up."
"It's all too much, all of this incompetence, all of this greed, maybe we ride it out."
- RL says he has talked to the Riot devs (the ones working on Valorant) and says, "They are so cognizant of all the fuck ups and all the problems we have in Counter-Strike."
  - He continues to say that this is factored into their business plan and that we never had a competitor, but just so happens to have one coincide, when we are at our worst.

CSPPA - Counter-Strike Professional Players' Association

"Who does this union really fucking serve?"

RL believes that the CSPPA is a mockery.
- He points out the hypocrisy that they wouldn't strike for the pros who were kicked out of ESL Pro League, or for Jamppi or dream3r.
  - He also says ESL paid CSPPA and are racketeering and many other TOs have to pay them to get their "seal of approval"
    - He says they would strong-arm TOs saying "well if you don't give us the money, these guys are so we'll just have to commit to playing their event."
  - Also points out that they will strike against a competitor they are not in agreement with (Flashpoint)
  - RL: "It's what it says about every other time you haven't done it and it's about every time you don't do it now moving forward." "The issues they've chosen to ignore this year alone are embarrassing."
  - Then he points out that there was no strike for Valve qualifiers even if we have no major but Jamppi and dream3r can't play in them.
    - "and Valve have said 'Oh yeah we know actually their stories are accurate, Jamppi didn't cheat, now in a legally binding document. Yep dream3r did have his account hacked in a LAN café', but they still can't play. Where is the fucking solidarity? Gone. Doesn't exist. It's not important [because] it doesn't affect you." "That's what the union does right now, it looks after all the tier 1 people."
He says the CSPPA doesn't represent all players all the time and has driven a divide where you have the haves and have-nots
- "We have a tier of players that operate with impunity and do not help their tier 2 or tier 3 players out at all." "If you are not a tier 1 player you do not matter, they don't event ask your opinion."
- He tells chrisJ to admit and own the fact that the reason he didn't speak up during the ESL Pro League debacle is because it didn't affect him
- "They are looking after some players at the expense of other players. How the fuck is that a union?"
He says the BLAST situation is a reasonable dispute and supports the players but is not the right time for a strike and have not even identified the correct enemy
- He thinks players are lashing out now due to previous incidents and are upset that BLAST are working with ESIC
  - He stated that CSPPA shouldn't beefing with ESIC and they should be working in harmony
- He says what they need to do is talk with the teams/organizations that have sold that right to BLAST
  - RL: "Your employers, the people who pay you that massive exorbitant salaries, when you don't stream and you don't do interviews and you offer no value beyond your ability to click heads and you get 25k dollars a month." "Why don't you talk to them about it? Oh right. You're happy to take away BLAST's paper, but you don't want to risk your own."
- "I am seeing such unbelievable cowardice from the players here with the battles you choose."
- "Where was the strike action when in the qualifiers for the world championship, there were teams and players engaged in huge conflicts of interest?" "Where was the strike action when your image rights were taken and sold to every league you've ever been in every union type organization you've ever been associated with like, WESA, to your org every time you sign a contract, to the leagues you play in."
  - "Your image rights are essentially worthless now, there's about 10 fucking separate parties that have them, and how many of them are giving you anything for it? Not much pretty much your org by the way."
  - "That's a big issue. Your image is you, your image is your brand. What are you doing about that? Nothing."
He is also angry at SirScoots who is "popping off" at people on Twitter who all want the same thing, which is 'A unified Counter-Strike scene for everybody, that works for everybody, that has a sustained ecosystem that nourishes everybody.' "We don't have that now."
He also says their rankings are a joke
- "Just so happened, oh look TACO, that very important prominent member of the board, we pushed his team artificially up when they weren't even in the fucking top 20, not by a long shot."
He also says the ineptitude of the CSPPA cost Flashpoint a monitor sponsor
"Is it really a player association or is it like a fucking agency at this point"

ESIC - Esports Integrity Commission

"They have been put in an impossible position."

RL says that Ian Smith, the founder of ESIC and who was done work in mainstream sports, is a good and honorable man who has dedicated his life to integrity and sports. He takes on both sides, ensuring match fixers are punished, but also doing appeals and ensuring those punishments were fair.
"ESIC is a tiny organization" and are in need of money, "They didn't run a grift like the CSPPA did."
- "Saying 'you want our support and you want the players to turn up you better pay us.' They don't do that."
- "Had startup seed money from MTG and since then they've been pecking shit with the hens."
  - Ian Smith made sure that the money given by MTG (Modern Times Group, parent company of ESL, ESEA, DreamHack) was nothing more than startup money and wouldn't be in debt to them
    - Ian Smith sat down with other TO's not part of MTG and wanted to partner with them. They declined and called ESIC "ESL spies and we will never align ourselves with you"
- "They only were just able to afford, hiring a PR guy on a full time salary to deal with the press and send out those releases you've seen, this year."
  - "They have a tiny group of staff investigating these things and they have taken on the biggest problems in our scene: the cheating, the match fixing."
ESIC have had "unprecedented levels of cheating to deal with, because there's something wrong with our scene ever since we went online. There's something wrong with it, everyone's lost their fucking pride and self-respect and they got no passion for it anymore, so they think fuck it, what's in it for me?"
- He calls out coaches who are talking about players rights when they would rob and steal from them.
  - Also says more coaches being banned are coming
  - He also points out flaws in community's reaction to the punishments to coaches bans: "Half of the cunts still have jobs and some of the cunts got new jobs. We didn't even shun the cheating coaches."
ESIC have "found I think another 2 or 3 exploits like that one and they are investigating them all right now, it's going on right now."
- "I know that there are going to be more names getting banned, again."
- "So they're doing that on a skeleton crew while, investigating 3 continents worth of match fixing in MDL and semi-pro level CS." "They're doing this with half a dozen people." "They don't have any money or any help. People barely even fucking cooperate with them, they are treated like pariahs. It's ridiculous."
  - "Why are the CSPPA popping off at ESIC on my Twitter timeline, when you should be working together." "because its all about what's in it in for me." "2020, the online era of CS: 'What is in it for me?' How can I cheat, how can I get my paper, how can I bleed this scene one last time before I fuck off and play shooty shooty bang bang Riot Games babys first fps."
RL says that in the CIS region, teams have gone to tournaments and have been eliminated multiple times by the same team. We found out they were cheating and those players who lost, have been cut from their roster, careers ended because of cheaters.

Stream Sniping

"They're all at it in the online era, they're all at it, they're all cheating, they're all using exploits, probably that see through smoke bug got used a bunch of times"

RL talks about how there is no integrity from dead (the player), always denying when caught doing something
- On the topic of 'BLAST never said we couldn't stream snipe': "Lies, BLAST never said you could do that, they had to sort of retcon it." "because what happened after that they fucking started snitching and squealing"
  - "Suddenly you had like, 10 of the top 15 teams in the world, staring into the abyss of being banned for 6-12 months in line with ESIC recommendations."
    - He says that ESIC was put in a tough situation and couldn't enforce the bans because it would have resulted in killing CS. What resulted was, BLAST, ESIC, and teams came together and gave them a warning and told them, in RL's words "don't do this again or you're gonna get got."
      - He then says the top teams brushed this off and didn't give a fuck
      - The new MiBR team playing Flashpoint, that wasn't involved in the previous incidents are doing it again (stream sniping). He gave credit to Flashpoint for the quick resolution and punishment and respect for cogu's response to the situation.
      - "ESIC came out and said, once more, 'Guys, zero tolerance from now on.'" RL then got upset at community's reaction calling ESIC "pussies" for their non enforcement and said if we want competitive CS we cant ban the top 10 teams.
He points out how players have no integrity and will do anything for an edge as long as they won't get detected or banned or it's within a grey area.
"All of this shit was mad avoidable, even in the pandemic era."
- He talks about why aren't we filming them. Why aren't there representatives for leagues and tournaments making sure players aren't cheating?

Match Fixing

"How many years have we let our scene be fucking pillaged by these greedy cunts?" "We just let it happen."

RL says that gambling and skins betting which existed in moderation was "accelerated and blown up by the Call of Duty greedy fucks."
- "Never forget TmarTn was on the board of EnVyUs." "His website, CSGOLotto, they had a bunch of off-the-books sponsorships." "NBK promoted them. People forget."
"Those people who had access to the skins, go to the players" "Even people like s1mple, best player in the world, even he scammed knives and skins off fucking fans."
Owners of skin casino sites would approach pros and lend them skins to use in tournaments and possibly keep them after reaching a deal
- Players would tip off inside info about matches and teams in exchange for skins. Info such as: roster changes, how they played in scrims
  - They would use this info to bet and subvert the odds on their sites. "That happened religiously, I can't even tell you how many times it happened."
    - "I had access to the biggest database of information, from an inside betting circle in NA, and it would take information and screenshots from other pro players, who were feeding them info in exchange for money or skins."
      - "Some of these players are still playing." "Incredibly, there are players still in the CSPPA today, complaining about the BLAST recordings, that were embroiled in this murky shit back then."
RL also says that there were tournaments where teams contrived with each other, who should throw, who should win.
"There's a handful of people that are trying to fucking clean it up, and you think you get something over the line and you see something like the CSPPA and it's run by corrupt fucking chuckle heads, and now you've got another corrupt body you have to fight on a fucking daily basis, it's demoralizing."
- "It's too far gone. Our entire semi-professional scene is compromised."
"It's rife guys, I'm not going to lie any more. It's not just China, it's not just Russia, it's here, it's NA, it's Europe, it's Australia, so much more than you think, so much more than we can prove."
- "I get sent chat logs all the time […] and they're morons, these players, short-sighted, amateur, morons and they're doing it on WhatsApp." People would get cut from the bets because they want to make more money, then they leak the logs. He says, from the chat logs, they spread "little" bets across every site they can (400 to 1k dollars) to prevent shifting odds
He says the scumbags who've fucked off to Valorant will do the same there if Riot doesn't do something and says Valorant "is an esports scene heading for a very early fall based on the sheer volume of scumbags that are already there."
"That's tier 2 CS in a nutshell these days. They know they're never going to play in a major, so what's the punishment?"
- "All of these tier 2 fucks that are fixing games now they are like the fucking mafia compared to iBuyPower" "These guys are working with organized criminals to fix entire seasons worth of games. That's what's going on in your tier 2 CS."
"I'm literally being told that there are players fixing games at all levels of Chinese esports and motherfuckers with guns are turning up to team houses and stuff."

North America

"Everyone in NA has left we've lost a continents worth of support during this pandemic and Valve haven't said a fucking word."

RL says the Call of Duty "goblins" that destroyed CS for years are the same people who are now trying to leave CS. "The nerve to treat a game where the fans, and the community, and the TO's were nothing but good to you." "To just kick the players out now and go and leave and say 'It just doesn't make financial sense.' Oh you'll slither back when we have a major though for them stickers won't you."
There's a cascading effect in NA where people don't bother with CS anymore and people like Chaos suffer.
He says NA team owners are incompetent for always wanting it easy and always wanting a guarantee on their investment without skill or nuance.
- RL says he would be able to market a team correctly and would have a good ROI and also points out how TSM wouldn't even be bothered to tweet that their team, which was one of the best in the world, was playing at the Major.
- He also says not all NA owners are like that, compliments and respects Jason Lake who nearly lost everything to keep Complexity going.
He then calls out the incompetence in Infinite Esports when they acquired OpTic Gaming and bought an Indian CS team.
- He says HECZ is not to blame here and that they couldn't tell forsaken was cheating when it was so obvious.
  - They measured his reaction time to the likes of dev1ce and s1mple
  - When an enemy showed up on his screen he won that duel something like 44% of the time
  - "was like the number 1 player in the world statistically"
  - He brought a laptop to their bootcamp and refused to use the high end PCs that hey provided
He respects Andy Miller (NRG CEO) and HECZ but says that the attitude of not being able to easily monetize their teams is "piss weak" and there needs to be a risk.
- He says Chaos EC shouldn't be cutting their roster and should be competent enough to be able to figure out how to make money off their team.
He says there are still opportunities in NA and people are panicking and pulling out, and says Valorant will be the same if not worse.
- He also says "bums" who couldn't even get out of groups in NA competitions, are making crazy money in Valorant and says it will continue to inflate.
He also said that he heard rumors that EG (Evil Geniuses) are done.
He also thinks that the rumors of a Valve franchised league from before was sparked up from "these lazy fabled weak NA fucking team owners basically trying to see if Valve would bite at the hook if it was dangled and they didn't"
- Slasher says NA team owners are really in favor of franchised leagues because they want to make more money. "Most of the powerful team owners right now are on board with ditching this third party organization structure, or they are trying to play this power politics with all the TOs, and that is contributing to a lot of the problems there"
RL says that Riot has proved they can run a franchised league (LCS) and will be profitable in 2021 which is what a lot of team owners care about and says the competition will only serve to snatch people away from CS.
RL continues to say, "I am so sick and tired of what we have done to this scene, I am just exhausted with it." "I think we have legitimately fucked it, I really think we have. I think we're staring into almost like a CGS (Championship Gaming Series) wasteland in NA." "Counter-Strike esports is a fucking joke."

Talent

"TO's have treated CS talent like absolute human garbage for years now."

RL says that people like Sean Gares and ddk switching over to Valorant isn't for financial reasons because they are making less over there.
He points out that TO's can't even give talent a 3 month in advance calendar.
Because of the pandemic TO's won't hire certain people and some people are working more hours for the same money.
He says we as a community don't respect journalists enough which is why we don't have good journalists.
- He also says DeKay is leaving the scene soon and that Thorin is close to leaving also
He says he had to talk a caster down from quitting and was struggling to find reasons.
He says that DreamHack told Vince they would hire him but not if he wants to stick with dusT and says that this is the norm in esports. "Constant leveraging of people against each other." and says this is why we don't have a talent union.
New gen casters are getting put into shit situations and the community's reaction to them is adding fuel to the fire
He says the reason Moses left was because of the terrible conditions
He says that Anders had to constantly leave his family and kid because someone fucked up or broke promises and had to constantly tell his kid to their face that "daddy can't be home this weekend."
He says that esports has always been a lie to sell you this dream, "Meanwhile there's about 2% of the cunts getting all the checks."

Valve

"Anything that Riot does, is better than Valve's inaction"

Slasher says that the larger aspect of esports as a whole compared to other entertainment mediums and Valve's lack of inattention are the bigger problems. He continues saying that the fact that Valve let their game be ran as an esport, they need to take on the responsibilities of it.
- Both Slasher and RL wants Valve to take control but not on the level of Riot Games, there needs to be a balance.
In case it was ever a question: Gabe Newell has been to 0 CSGO Majors.
RL calls Valve out saying they could have done something during the gambling era.
He says Valve used to come to the majors, but doesn't think they do anymore.
RL had met with Valve at the Cluj-Napoca Major and had tried to appeal iBP's indefinite punishment and had also gave Brax's life story:
- A recent family member passed away, they had lost a lot of income, they had to live in trailer, iBuyPower did not pay any salaries, and was pressured by family to make money who didn't support his career.
- RL said that Valve told him, "How dare you try and make us feel guilty." "We shouldn't feel bad about enforcing the only thing that matters that we need to make players afraid of: cheating and match fixing"
- RL also tried to share other info about match fixing and nothing came of it
RL points out that Source 2 or a new engine is not something you will want based on the experience of transitioning from CS 1.6 to CS:S. "Valve's track record with brand new engines being launched, not fucking great from what I remember."
Slasher says "If there is anything the community should do, is pressure Valve to hire a community manager."
- They say that we need a commissioner, a community manager (not the person who runs the Twitter who posts memes all day), then we need to have a circuit
RL reiterates that Valve doesn't care about CS esports and says they need to change the culture at Valve to make them care about CS esports
- Slasher says a systemic problem is making it so working on CSGO would be a bad decision for you as an employee for Valve
He also hasn't talked to Valve in ages and have sent over bugs and cheats and doesn't get emails back anymore
Slasher says we should be directing attention at the developer leads, pointing out Ido Magal, if he even is still the project lead
- RL thinks that Ido and Brian are the only people that "vaguely even give a fuck about CS" and were the only people that RL recalled that actually read Reddit and paid attention from time to time
"It is really fucking precarious. Somebody has got to step the fuck up and start giving a shit"
- Slasher suggests org owners, with CSPPA, with ESIC, with TOs have a concerted effort against Valve
"Riot Games are doing better things than Valve in the esports space" which is something RL didn't think he'd say.
"People who used to be talent, working with unions, arguing with other talent, when the unions fucked them over, can't understand their perspective, TOs fucking over broadcast talent, broadcast talent wanting to leave and go and work for orgs, orgs having no money, Valve might take coaches away because all the coaches are cheating, ESIC has about 4 people in a fucking call doing the investigations, everyone thinks they're spies for ESL, ESL are just the evil fucking overlords wanting to rule the scene and will just somehow, like cockroaches outliving a nuclear bomb, and Valve are in a fucking holiday in Hawaii thinking about the next Dota character because they don't give a fuck about us."

Closing Statements

"We've peaked. If we want to sustain and exist, now is the time to figure it out. No esports lasts as long as this, we've already done 8 years. We've already broke the records. We have got to figure out a way to coexist and drive the negative forces out and we need to do it as a collective and we're not doing that."

RL compared the Counter-Strike scene to the people on the Titanic who ran around with guns robbing people while the boat was sinking.
"We have given up on being a respectable esports scene." "We are now a conduit to make money for those who want to just milk it, just have one last ride, one last roll of the dice. It's done." "What a fucking mess. What have we done to our fucking scene?"
"There's just too much self-interest driving all of this." "I don't see a way we stop the dominoes." "When it's that bad, when there's that many dishonest people that ESIC have to come out and say that if we punish them all there's no one left. What does that tell you?"
"How many opportunities have we had to clean house? How many times have we said, 'this must never happen again', and another scandal." "The entire skins betting operations was the biggest criminal conspiracy in esports ever executed and no one has been punished for it." "The people who could be driving that don't want to."
"Right now people are fans of those organizations because the scene has value. It is worth being a fan of Astralis because they are excellent at Counter-Strike. It is worth being a fan of s1mple because he is the best player in Counter-Strike, maybe the exception of ZywOo. If the scene is devalued, if the scene loses its meaning, those things lose its meaning too, and people will leave, people will stop tuning into the games. I have seen it happen in multiple esports, this is not my first time at the rodeo. I am getting big Brood War vibes right now and I don't like it."
"The role you play in all of this as fans, as viewers, as listeners, as consumers of esports content, it's absolutely imperative that you know who the good guys are. It's absolutely imperative that you use your voice. It's absolutely imperative that when things are bad, you know who, at least, is trying to make them good, and you have to apply your criticism to the right targets."
- He continues saying it's no good in continuing to attack ESIC and saying how they are bad, ESIC have it hard
He says CSPPA are on the right side of the argument on BLAST but have been on the wrong side of many arguments many times.
- "If you are not willing to stand along side the weakest member of the union, with the least amount of influence, and the least amount of power, then it is not a union at all and you shouldn't pose as one." "You wanna serve a bunch of special interest do it, everyone else in esports fucking does, but do not pose as something you are not." "We love the players. I've been fighting for players rights for as long as I've been able to, but the CSPPA is not what we needed."
  - "They are not applying the pressure to the right people, they are not fighting the right battles, they are not helping their weaker members."
He says what orgs have done by keeping or hiring coaches is bad. "When you give up on holding an appreciable standard, you've lost the scene" "Competition matters, rules matter, punishments matter, achievements matter, excellence matters" "If you start stripping that away, you have nothing" "You guys need to take that knowledge and apply it sensibly."
"Valve has sold you all down the river, they sold everyone in the esports scene down the river, tournament organizers are selling their talent down the river. Don't hate on them for sounding tired after a 16 hour day. Don't hate on them because the hype for a matchup they've seen for the 20th time in the past 3 months, they can't be as excited or it sounds contrived. Support your guys, they're there for you, these are your people."
"This community has got to start acting like one for the first fucking time. Just put the petty shit away, let's try and fix this fucking scene while we still have one to save."
"You can't rely on Valve, you can't rely on ESL, you can't rely on the CSPPA, you can't rely on anyone." "Once again, it's gonna be the likes of us, the amateurs, the people who give a fuck, rolling up our sleeves and grafting." "I'm old and tired and I don't want to have to do it again. People need to pick up the torch and do it."
- "Like Michal did, like Dudenhoeffer did. You see something wrong, fix it. You see somebody doing something wrong, call it out. If you think something could be better, let people know."
"Vote with your wallets if you're not happy with the direction Valve goes in. If when we do get to the Major, they serve up another subpar, same old bullshit stickers and signatures package again, do not buy it."
- "You're a powerful block and if you use it correctly we can fucking avert this disaster."
"I'm not doing another year in this broken, bust-up fucking scene, where everyone is miserable, everyone is broke, everyone is tired, and everyone is trying to fucking rob everyone else, blind, while the fucking people who are meant to be protecting you, are just fucking enhancing it and lining their own pockets."
- "I'm not doing it anymore and you shouldn't want to do it either."
"I stand by every fucking thing I said. I mean it, because this game fucking matters to me, this scene fucking matters to me. I put my life into this, my adult life, and to see it in this state is fucking sad."

I bought a PS4 at the start of 2020 and played video games a bit too much this crazy year! Here are my rankings and brief reviews of the 32 excellent games I finished this year, as well as my thoughts on patient gaming.

Introduction:

It's basically trite at this point to say this year has been challenging, but one positive out of everything is that I've been fortunate enough to have the time and funds to play a huge number of games that I've heard so much about, yet never was able to before now. I grew up on almost exclusively Nintendo games and then branched out to indie games in college I could play on my laptop, so I was more than excited when I bought the base PS4 that came bundled with God of War, Last of Us, and Horizon Zero Dawn for $200 (and I snagged Bloodborne for $15 while I was at it).
What ensued was a year of frenzied gaming-- never in any year of my life have I played games as much as I did this year. I enjoyed it, but there were also some surprising drawbacks to placing such an emphasis on gaming as a primary hobby, and I'll discuss those towards the conclusion. But man, there were some absolutely fantastic games that I played this year and I want to share my thoughts on them! Not every game I played this year was PS4, but most were.
Since literally every game I played this year was a good game, I have stratified my rankings into three overarching tiers: Best, Great, and Good. I was lucky enough to not even need a Meh tier this year. Lots of games within the same tier could probably have their orders switched, but I did my best. And all but two of these games I was patient™ on, which is a fun side note.
Disclaimer*:* These rankings reflect my personal opinions on the experience I had after finishing the game, rather than my thoughts on its overall quality as a product for everyone. There are a few rankings that are sure to ruffle some feathers-- I know that God of War, RDR2, Journey, Undertale, and Nier: Automata for example are great games, but they didn't resonate with me nearly as much as some others. So know that I appreciate them and those who hold these games so dear.
Without further ado, let's get going!

The BEST:

1. Bloodborne (PS4): Quite simply, I'm still chasing the feeling I had after playing this game for the first time. So much so you could say, that I played it 7 times this year. Never has a game enraptured me with its shocking world, brutal combat, and the best DLC I've ever played. I want to talk about Bloodborne (and all the souls games, really) constantly, learn everything about them, and play them forever.

Last of Us Part II (PS4): One of two games I broke being patient™ on, I waited a couple months before diving in just to stop working to avoid spoilers. I enjoyed the first game but this absolutely blew me out of the water. On a gameplay level I couldn't believe how fluid and visceral the combat was, how immense the encounters were with countless approaches to every situation, and how fun it was to play. The narrative was challenging and forced me to grapple with the same emotions as the protagonist initially, then brilliantly the player and character on divergent emotional tracks as you become more shocked and uncomfortable with what happens. I encourage anyone who hasn't yet to play with an open mind and avoid trying to reduce the story to a single theme or message. It may not be your cup of tea, but it was mine.

3. Outer Wilds (PS4): This game feels like it was made just for me. I love space and rocket physics, I love discovery, and I love it when a game makes me feel clever. The level of wonder and curiosity I felt while playing can only be compared to what I experienced with Breath of the Wild. This game is difficult to talk about without spoilers, but if discovery and outer space get you excited, there is nothing like Outer Wilds.

Dark Souls III (PS4): Yeah, I like souls games. While certainly less groundbreaking than DS1 and perhaps less atmospheric than Bloodborne, DS3 is a grand experience with, in my opinion, the best bosses in all the souls games. It's also the best souls game for experimenting with different playstyles without needing to watch 6 hours of VaatiVidya to figure out how to be a pyromancer.
Control (PS4): Objectively speaking, this game might not have the same merits as the others in the "Best" category. But it sucked me in with it's completely unique visual style. It felt like a strange acid trip and I was always excited to see what was next. The powers and combat were fun even if not terribly original (and even though the gunplay wasn't too strong) but I was completely enthralled by the nonchalance of the cast amid mind blowing supernatural activity. Far from a perfect game, but give it a chance if the style seems intriguing to you!

The Great:

The Last of Us Remastered (PS4): One of my most anticipated games when I picked up a PS4, having watched my friends play some of it. Though it didn't blow me away as much in 2020 as it might have in 2013, I thought it had decent gameplay, a great story, and a stunning world. The cities and post-apocalyptic environments were a pleasure to soak in, packed with detail, and well paced. Definitely a deserved classic.
Horizon Zero Dawn (PS4): In a lot of ways, this game isn't good as an open world game. It doesn't do a great job of compelling you to explore and engage with all the cool stuff it has. The sidequests are kind of bad, many characters forgettable and oddly animated. But this game is this high on the list because it's just so much fun taking down machine dinosaurs. They nailed gameplay in a technically beautiful world, and actually surprised me with the quality of the main story line. Not groundbreaking, but solid and a joy to play.
Death Stranding (PS4): For being one of the best games I have ever played, Death Stranding kinda sucks. I absolutely adored the premise and the world Kojima crafted, and delivering packages was really enjoyable. I loved figuring out traversal and just soaking in the graphics. I'm not one that normally cares about technical graphical showcases, but this game has made me reconsider how important graphics can be to an experience. Unfortunately, the dreadful gun mechanics, broken driving, constant NPC interjections, and the game's refusal to just end already kinda bogged it down. There's a lot here though that won me over and is an experience unlike anything I've ever played.
Animal Crossing: New Horizons (Nintendo Switch): The other game on this list I was not patient™ for, since I bought it for my wife... and then got sucked in. Truth is, as a non-creative type, I just loved this game as an outlet for my creativity and expression. I loved having projects like my zen garden, my Domino's Pizza restaurant, and then getting to share them with my friends. I've heard it said something along the lines of "It wasn't the best game of 2020, but it was the game for 2020".
The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt (PS4): Once I adjusted my expectations of what this game was and was not, it was great. While it doesn't reward open exploration as much as BoTW and Skyrim did, it simply has the best quests of any open world game I've played. Very rich environments and stories, and I even thought the gameplay was more than serviceable. It did kind of drag on by the end though. Also, disclaimer, I haven't played the DLC (sorry).
Return of the Obra Dinn (Nintendo Switch): I had hoped it would blow me away in a way similar to Outer Wilds, and while it didn't quite reach the same heights for me it was great nonetheless. I loved the nautical setting, the critical thinking and deduction required, and the way it was balanced perfectly between leaving you totally on your own and confirming bits at a time. My only real complaint is that I felt the true ending didn't really reveal anything about the story I didn't already know, I guess I expected some grand reveal.
Doom Eternal (PS4): White-knuckle, heart pounding, insane. The game forces you to engage with every mechanic it throws at you and is brutally challenging, but all in the best way. Though the gameplay was better than DOOM 2016, I actually preferred the latter since Eternal's levels felt more like a silly mario level than a tense demon-infested place. I get what they were going for and they executed well, I just prefer the more serious tone.
Hades (Nintendo Switch): Biggest surprise of the year for me, I didn't actually expect to like it. Hades is perfectly polished and a big step forward for integrating its excellent narrative with its roguelike structure. It's very easy to play without investing too much, making it great for unwinding. It deserves all the praise it's getting.
Uncharted 2: Among Thieves (Remastered) (PS4): All the mainline Uncharted games are on this list but I enjoyed 2 the most. The set pieces were the most memorable, and I enjoyed almost every second. These games aren't as high on the list because, no matter how you dress it up, it's a pretty simple affair ultimately in terms of gameplay but it nails the style of game that it is.
Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice (PS4): An amazing game in its own right, but was ultimately disappointing for me as a From Software fan. I found that what I appreciated most about Souls games was the tension of not knowing if you could make it to the next checkpoint, the terror of encountering something surprising and having to deal with it. Sekiro litters checkpoints left and right, which is of course great for its more boss-focused design, but left me far less immersed in the environments personally. I also wished I had more options for playing aggressively rather than just memorizing the parry patterns. In any case, these gripes are my personal preferences coming through and any hardcore gamer owes it to themselves to conquer this behemoth of a challenge.
Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 1+2 (PS4): Pure, unadulterated fun. I was absolutely addicted to the core gameplay and the levels, especially in the first game, were so cool to explore. For me the core loop started to get stale by the time I finished all the challenges on the levels, but for those that wanted more there is almost an endless amount of bonus challenges to tackle.
Uncharted 4: A Thief's End (PS4): There's definitely a strong argument that this is the ultimate uncharted game to play-- best gunplay and options in encounters, by far the best puzzles, and the delivery of the story is leagues above the rest of the series. I simply think that Uncharted 2 had the highest highs, so 4 is a tad lower. That, and the beautiful story set up was not brought together in a satisfying way; it in no way felt like Drake had earned Elena's forgiveness, but they kind just glossed over it. Still, a must play and Naughty Dog games at their best.
Subnautica (PS4): I wanted to love it more than I did. I was hooked on exploring and discovering the mysteries of the alien underwater, but I think I do better with games with less of a survival focus. I got really far into the game, but didn't actually finish since eventually the slow drip of clues started to get a bit too slow for my tastes, and the survival and basebuilding began to get tedious. Minor PS4 technical issues aside though, This is a dang good survival game, and immense in a terrifying and wonderful way.
Monster Train (PC): Slay the Spire is one of my all-time favorites, so I was pretty excited to be gifted this. It's a blast as a deckbuilder, and I think it was smartly designed in how it throws significant and strong rewards at you at every phase of a run, whereas StS often forces you to make the best of an iffy situation. Had a great time, but I lost interest after 15 or so hours since most runs tend to feel fairly similar. Still would absolutely recommend for StS and deckbuilding fans.
Spelunky (PC): Not the hardest game I've ever played, but definitely the most unforgiving. The controls took a while to get used to but once I was engaged, the game is a tight, slick, and enthralling adventure and test of skills. Full of secrets (I've only scratched the surface) and deeply satisfying to conquer. But boy, is it unforgiving.
Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception (Remastered) (PS4): Another strong entry in the Uncharted series, just a tad weaker than 2 I think. I will credit it though with having the most memorable environments and locales in any Uncharted though!

The Good:

Read Dead Redemption II (PS4): *Full disclosure, I'm still playing through act 5 at the time of this post.* This one is really tough for me to fully form an opinion on. On the one hand, I think this is the most stunning and immersive open world I've ever seen. Deeply authentic towns, regions, unparalleled attention to detail, and great characters and a decent story. But the way the missions force you to do things explicitly one way with terrible hand-holding just isn't fun to me, and makes Uncharted games feel like open-world sandboxes by comparison. There's a lot of quality here and I've enjoyed many elements, but have been disillusioned by others. NakeyJakey explains what I felt far better than I can (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvJPKOLDSos&t=392s). Still a good time though.
God of War (PS4): Like RDR2, an incredible technical achievement, for me hands down the best looking PS4 game, best voice acting, and for most people this should be towards the top of your must-play list. At its best, the characters are great, the combat is crunchy and satisfying, and the world beautiful. I just felt that for far too often the game was far from its best-- too many combat encounters didn't feel like I was a God of War but rather smacking a giant meat sack of health, so many secrets and puzzles that I just stopped caring about because finding treasure chests isn't fun when the rpg/loot elements feel so tacked on and pointless, endlessly recycled bosses... for me it was just pretty good, nothing like the game of the generation in my eyes. That said, most people don't seem too bothered by the things I found mediocre, so the sheer spectacle (looking at you world serpent!) and great moments make this well worth the price of admission!
Undertale (PC): I did not play this game the way it was meant to be played, let's say that up front. It was a gift, and I played about a half an hour every month for a year and just finally finished it. I loved the music, it was charming, and I see why people love this game so much. I think it just didn't hit those highs for me and I was left with a fairly silly little 8-bit game. Which was good. I'm glad I experienced what it had to offer but didn't leave a huge mark on me.
Superhot (Google Stadia): I had wanted to play this game forever but couldn't justify spending $20 on it, so I was pleased when I got a free Google Stadia kit and got to play it free! Really neat blend of stylized retro computer flavor and a fabulous central time-stop mechanic. A great 2 hour experience but tough to recommend as more than a novelty.
NieR: Automata (PS4): I have made it through 1.5 playthroughs so I know I haven't gotten the full experience, but I wasn't enjoying it enough to continue. I think every game developer though should learn from the brilliance of this game-- constantly keeping the player on its toes by not confining itself by a genre and by focusing on what's fun and cool, rather than convention. Excellent music. I get the hype, and the healthy dose of existential musings was interesting... it just didn't ultimately click for me. I can't unequivocally recommend this game to everyone, but if the premise and style stand out to you, this could be your next all-time favorite game.
Star Wars Battlefront II (PS4): Picked this up for free with PS Plus, and while there's not a lot here that's that special it was honestly super nice comfort food gaming. I just enjoyed shooting stuff in really cool Star Wars settings, a franchise I love. For what it was, I had a blast, minus the fact that I personally feel Jedi/heroes really kinda ruin the game for me. Unfortunately, it also is nothing more than a basic mass multiplayer battlefield game, so don't expect anything crazy.
Uncharted: Drake's Fortune (Remastered) (PS4): Definitely weaker than its successors, but still a really fun romp with trope-y but effective narrative and characters, and totally serviceable gunplay. This would be much higher on the list, and I honestly had a great time with it, but man the final third of the game was really painful to play. The switch to zombies was bad, and just wasn't fun to play through.
Until Dawn (PS4): I did not think I would like this game at all, I don't care for cheesy horror and definitely am not interested in interactive movies. But if you have a significant other or group of friends to play this with, it can be a great time! I played with my wife and we were honestly pretty engaged with the characters and the story was well told and had plenty of nice jump scares. There's not much game here, but for what it is it was a neat experience.
Shadow of the Colossus (Remake) (PS4): There were some incredible highlights to this game like the flying colossus and the sand worm, and the scale of the encounters with the epic music has earned this game a place as a masterpiece and classic to so many gamers. The remake looks stunning and it was exciting to see what type of colossus was up next. Unfortunately, every great moment I had was accompanied by an equally frustrating moment with mediocre controls and a couple of colossus that were so bad (looking at you, little bull/lion Celosia) that made me have to put down the game for a few days. A great game let down by some dated and poor elements.
Dark Souls II: Scholar of the First Sin (PS4): Souls games are my favorites, so it pains me to put this game so low. The best areas in the game (Heide's tower, Drangleic Castle, etc) are up there with the best in the series and most of the excellent combat found in the other games is more or less present here. But I think 2/3 of the game is bogged down by drab areas that feel more like a mario level designed to kill the player more than an area that could really exist. The Iron keep was the worst offender, the area was absolutely nonsensical and like so many other areas, enemies were placed in a way designed to frustrate the player with difficulty rather than engage them with challenge. Bosses were also mostly forgettable, but I did love the Looking Glass knight and the Pursuer!
Journey (PS4): Look, I'm as surprised as you that this game is on the bottom of the list. I honestly expected to love it. An artistic, beautiful marriage of environmental storytelling and unforgettable online interaction? A smooth and cathartic movement system? It has all these things, and no doubt deserves the acclaim and love it has from so many gamers. It just didn't resonate with me. Especially the ending, I felt for sure that there would be some great climax that contrasted with the struggle of the icy segment, but instead it fell a bit flat. Maybe I'll give it another try someday.

Conclusion, Gaming Patiently, and a Warning:

There you have it! I'd love to hear what surprised you in my rankings, where I'm horribly wrong, and what games you recommend I play next! Personally, I'm considering Persona 5 (though I'm not super into JRPGs), Dishonored 2 (am curious about immersive sims), and Jedi Fallen Order.
Gaming patiently is a strategy I absolutely endorse. Not only has it allowed me to form my own opinions of games independent of hype, but has allowed me to play a huge quantity of incredible games for honestly pennies. The average cost per game of everything I played this year was under $20. Now, more than ever, is an amazing time to get a PS4 and be a patient gamer, due to both the relative inexpensiveness and the sheer volume of outstanding games. I still will probably buy the big nintendo titles at launch and occasionally buy into hype, but most of the time it just isn't worth it anymore.
Finally, a friendly warning as a personal story for those of us who deeply love games and devote a lot of time to them. Like many kids, I was pretty limited by my parents growing up on what and how much I was allowed to play. I loved gaming but it was somewhat of a forbidden fruit. In college, I loved gaming and definitely played more, but still was very busy with social activities, studies, and other hobbies. Now, as a working adult with a comfortable job, I suddenly have more time and money than I have ever had in my life, and thus this giant list of games I played was created. For the first few months it was enthralling; all I wanted to do was play. Over the course of the year, however, it has become clear to me that requiring so much of my happiness and fun coming from having a game to be excited about can have some drawbacks. In the middle of a pandemic, if I'm sitting on the couch waiting for video games to make me happy and they just aren't giving me the same enjoyment that Bloodborne did when I played it for the first time, I'm just gonna be stuck there on the couch, slowly getting a bit depressed when my main source of fun isn't cutting it. So what's the point? Well, enjoy your games! Don't let anyone stop you from loving what you love. But if you start to burn out, please take care of yourself and engage in other hobbies, get outside, and keep things balanced. For me, doing so has made gaming all the sweeter.
Thanks for reading and indulging this long post!

Where is Alicia Navarro? Autistic teenager missing from Arizona since 2019 may have been lured away by an internet predator

Who Is Alicia?
At 14, Alicia Christina Navarro was a shy, quiet girl who enjoyed playing online games and reading. She achieved good grades at Bourgade Catholic School but struggled with developmental delays and had been diagnosed with high-functioning autism at age 12. The teen also suffered from severe anxiety, for which she was receiving therapy, and also apparently had a weakened immune system. Like many young people with autism, Alicia preferred to keep to a strict routine and didn’t like crowded public spaces. She often bit her shirt or knuckles when she experienced sensory overload. Alicia also frequently wore the same clothing and shoes over and over, including her favorite white sweatshirt that she was wearing the night she vanished, which her mother attributed to her autism. The teenager preferred to eat a limited number of foods, including chicken nuggets and unsalted french fries from McDonald's. Despite her mental health and developmental challenges, Alicia was happy at home and close to her mother, stepfather, and two siblings.
When not at school, Alicia enjoyed playing games and chatting with her friends on Discord, a chat app for gamers. She often stayed up late using her computer. Her mother, Jessica Nunez, stated that she’d once noticed a stranger that Alicia had met online asking for her daughter’s personal information. Nunez quickly corrected the behavior, blocking the man and warning Alicia to never share personal details with people she didn’t know online lest she fall prey to an internet predator. Nunez had also caught Alicia engaged in a text conversation with someone who Nunez believed was older than Alicia “based on the mature content” of their chat. She filed a police report, but nothing came of it and authorities were unable to identify the responsible parties in either situation. Nunez believes that Alicia’s autism made her more trusting than other teens, and thinks that Alicia may not have heeded her warnings. At 14, photos of Alicia depict a girl who appears much younger; she stood 4’5” and weighed only 95 pounds. Her childlike appearance, shy demeanor, and mental health diagnoses may have made her more vulnerable, Nunez believes.
Nunez has noted that Alicia had undergone personality changes in the months leading up to her disappearance, including a sudden and intense interest in the comic book series Ironman and its ‘Demon in a Bottle’ arc; her mother purchased one of the books for her prior to her disappearance and the comic vanished along with Alicia. She had also begun wearing heavily perfumed body spray, despite her usual aversion to strong smells, and had begged her mother to purchase concealer and an open-backed shirt (unusually risque for the shy teen) for her. After she and her friends met up with an unnamed boy at the mall one day, Alicia gushed to her mother that he was “quite fit” and became interested in fitness workouts and dietary supplements.
Before she vanished, Alicia’s parents discovered a hole in her bedroom window screen that she claimed had been created by a bird. It was apparent to them, however, that the hole had been created from the inside. Nunez suspects that Alicia may have used the hole to pass notes to someone on the outside, and in a photograph of Alicia’s bedroom window, a ladder is visible on the ground below her window. Less than two weeks before she disappeared, Alicia messaged her 20-year-old friend on Oregon on Discord and informed him that she’d sold her beloved Xbox gaming console and that she had a new boyfriend. She also brought up learning how to play electric guitar and suggested that she might join the friend’s band. However, Alicia's friends reported that Alicia seemed to lead two lives: one in the real world, where she was reserved and shy, and another on the internet, where she was more gregarious. They indicated that Alicia frequently exaggerated stories or made statements that were untrue. While this is not uncommon for teenagers, it has made determining the veracity of some of Alicia's statements to her friends difficult.
The Day of Alicia’s Disappearance
On September 14th, 2019, Alicia spent most of the evening in her upstairs bedroom, ostensibly gaming and chatting with friends online as she often did on the weekends. It was only five days before her 15th birthday. Despite her anxiety about the new school year, she and Nunez had spent the day running errands together and Alicia was reportedly in good spirits, “smiling and laughing” with her mother.
Around 1 am, Alicia came downstairs for a glass of water. Nunez was downstairs, waiting for her husband to come home from work. Alicia reportedly asked her mother why she was still awake and then returned to her bedroom. That night, Nunez and Alicia's two siblings fell asleep while Alicia's stepfather dozed off on the couch in front of the TV. No one noticed Alicia leaving the house.
The next morning, September 15th, Nunez awoke at 7:00 am to find the back door slightly ajar. She assumed that her husband had accidentally left it open, but he told her that he had not been in the backyard the previous evening. Nunez became concerned and rushed upstairs to find Alicia’s bedroom empty. Her laptop, a silver Apple Macbook, and her silver iPhone 6 were missing, but the chargers for both devices had been left behind. She had left behind the laptop she used for school as well as a desktop computer that she used to play online games. Also missing were a bottle of perfume and an expensive Ironman comic book that she’d apparently begged her mother for prior to disappearing. She had left a note behind, penned in her signature scrawl: “I ran away. I will be back. I swear. I’m sorry.” In the backyard, Nunez discovered chairs had been dragged outside and stacked against the brick wall. In the vicinity and on the chairs were footprints that matched Alicia’s sneakers. It appeared that Alicia had packed her items into a small black backpack and used the chairs to climb over two walls in the backyard. Her mother noted that doing so would have helped Alicia avoid being captured on their neighbor’s security cameras. That’s where the trail went cold. For all that Glendale PD and her parents could determine, it seemed as though Alicia had climbed out of her backyard and then simply vanished into the night.
Glendale Police Department interviewed all registered sex offenders within a one-mile radius of Alicia’s home but to no avail. They also stated that they were unable to trace either her laptop or cell phone as both devices were turned off. Authorities have been unclear as to exactly why they’re unable to trace Alicia’s phone and laptop. Two weeks after her disappearance, police took her gaming desktop as evidence; Nunez has indicated that authorities have searched chat logs from that computer and may have also accessed her social media profiles (such as her Discord and Facebook pages) for clues. Alicia’s mother has also stated that “these people were smart not to talk on the computer”, meaning that whoever Alicia was contacting may have done so using less-traceable means. It’s not clear whether or not authorities have gained access to her social media pages and online gaming profiles, but Alicia’s social media hasn’t been active since she vanished in 2019. PrincessandPenguin (spelling unclear) is one of the usernames that she’s used in the past, but other screennames are being withheld by law enforcement due to the ongoing investigation.
What Happened to Alicia?
There has been little headway in the investigation since Alicia vanished in September of 2019. Nunez believes that her daughter was the victim of an internet predator who groomed the teen online, perhaps via some of the games that she frequently played. She thinks that someone may have convinced Alicia to meet up with them in real life and then abducted her. Alicia’s autism and her related lowered inhibition could have made her more vulnerable to online predators. The items that Alicia brought with her may lend credence to this theory. Alicia left home with only the clothing on her back (her favorite white sweatshirt, a bleached denim skirt, and high-top Vans sneakers) and with minimal personal effects. She brought both her iPhone and Macbook when she left home but didn’t bring the chargers for either item, indicating that she might have not planned to be gone for long or perhaps had been told that whoever she was meeting up with had chargers for her cell phone and laptop that she could borrow. Interestingly, as another Redditor noted in a comment on another Alicia-related post in this sub, the Ironman comic that she brought (worth over 200 dollars) contains a plotline that features the protagonist scaling a wall to break out of prison. Could this have possibly inspired Alicia’s early-morning escape from her family’s home? Is it possible that she was planning to meet up with someone who convinced her to bring the comic along? Nunez has stated that she never saw Alicia actually reading the comic book which lends credence to the theory that she may have purchased it for someone else. Alicia also brought with her the new perfume and makeup, which may suggest that she’d been groomed into an online romance with whoever she was potentially planning to meet the night of the 14th. Was it someone who posed as a same-age peer? Or was Alicia, like so many other young girls groomed by sexual predators, convinced that an older man displaying an interest in her was flattering, a sign of ‘coolness’ and maturity?
Alicia’s friends at school have stated that she was carrying around a ‘burner phone’, likely a cheap cell phone that can be purchased at gas stations or chain stores like Walmart, in the weeks prior to her disappearance. It seems plausible that the burner phone may have been given to her by whoever Alicia planned to meet up with the night she went missing. However, Alicia did not tell her friends what the phone was for or how she’d obtained it. Cheap burner phones are often used by children who are groomed and exploited by adults as they allow the victim’s usual phone to remain free of evidence like text messages and photos that may otherwise raise red flags for caregivers. Another one of Alicia’s friends has stated that Alicia had mentioned running away to California only days before her disappearance and even invited the friend to join her. The friend didn't think that Alicia was serious and didn't tell any adults about the comment until after Alicia had vanished. The aforementioned burner phone (if it indeed existed) was not recovered amongst Alicia’s belongings, meaning that she likely took it with her when she left the house.
Now, a year and five months since Alicia vanished without a trace, Nunez continues to press law enforcement to investigate the teenager’s disappearance as an abduction. She believes that Alicia was lured from the house that night in 2019 by a predator and is possibly being held against her will. She also feels that Alicia’s disappearance should not have been initially dismissed as a simple runaway case, especially given her small stature, younger appearance, and autism. Nunez has also made it clear that Alicia’s disappearance likely would have been treated differently, and with more urgency, if she had been a middle-class white teenager.
Prevailing theory amongst internet sleuths and Alicia’s own family still holds that she was lured away from home by someone she met online. Law enforcement’s actions, such as confiscating her desktop computer and combing Discord chat logs, may indicate that they too suspect the tech-savvy teen was convinced to leave home by an internet predator. It wouldn’t be the first time that a vulnerable autistic teenager was lured into danger by an online predator. In 2017, a 16-year-old autistic Baltimore high schooler was found in a local apartment complex after she used a web-based chat app to communicate with an older man. And in 2018, an 18-year-old woman with autism was kidnapped from her Arkansas home and taken to rural Washington state by a 50-year-old man she’d met online. The perpetrator had attempted to befriend over 8,000 other children via social media prior to kidnapping the 18-year-old. Given how well-versed in technology Alicia was, and how comfortable she was using social media to communicate with people she’d never met in real life, it seems plausible that the teenager could have been coerced into leaving home by someone like the aforementioned predators: pedophiles who prey on vulnerable youth with few real-world friends, who they know can be easily manipulated into doing their bidding.
Since Alicia’s disappearance in the fall of 2019, there have been several non-credible sightings of the teenager, including one at a gas station and another in which Alicia was supposedly wandering a homeless encampment. One supposed sighting at a park a mile from Alicia’s home brought Nunez rushing to the scene; witnesses claimed that a girl matching Alicia’s description had been sighted holding hands with a dark-skinned man with neck tattoos. A 25-year-old man matching that description would later be caught in a police sting designed to catch internet predators. He was indicted for “luring of a minor” and “attempted sex conduct with a minor”, but it’s unknown if he was ever seriously investigated in Alicia’s disappearance. Other witnesses have cropped up occasionally with leads but disappeared after offering little to no information, perhaps fearing for their own safety. The case was turned over to the FBI in 2020, but it’s unknown if federal involvement has continued.
Alicia is now 16 years old. She was last seen wearing a white sweatshirt with multi-colored writing on it, a bleached denim overall skirt, and high-top Vans sneakers. She is a Hispanic female with brown hair and brown eyes. At the time of her disappearance, Alicia wore braces. She has a scar on her left knuckle. At the time of her disappearance, she stood 4’5” and weighed approximately 95 pounds. She enjoys online gaming and reading and dislikes large crowds. Her favorite food is McDonald's chicken nuggets and unsalted french fries. Alicia needs medication that she does not have with her. Due to the circumstances involved, she is considered an endangered missing person.
https://charleyproject.org/case/alicia-christian-navarro
https://coppercourier.com/story/alicicia-navarro-missing-glendale/
https://www.nbcnews.com/dateline/mother-missing-teenager-autism-alicia-navarro-fears-she-was-lured-n1167191
https://www.fox10phoenix.com/news/glendale-police-family-held-news-conference-one-year-after-alicia-navarro-disappeared

I am a 33 years old, live in Baltimore MD, work as a Systems Engineer and make $101K (196K Combined) a year.

I am 33 years old make $101,975, live in Baltimore, MD and work as a Systems Engineer. My husband is an Electronics Engineer, he earns $94,200 a year. Combined salary - $196,175
Section One: Assets and Debt
Retirement Balance: ~85K combined for me. My employer contributes 10%, I contribute 8%. I also put 50$ in a Roth IRA every paycheck. Husband (P) has ~75K total. His employer ended their 8% contribution thanks to COVID Edit - He just received an email this week that it will be resuming in March, yaaaay! He also contributes $100 a month to an IRA. So ~160K Total.
Equity: We have ~45K in home equity. We bought our house about 4 years ago, and thanks to grants we were able to afford the down payment of the house (we got about $17K in grants)
Savings account balance: We have $40K saved. We are saving up for our next house, so we are trying to build our cash savings.
Checking account balance: I try to keep at least $500 in my account just in case
Credit card debt: None:. I use a CC for most of my purchases but pay off the balance every month. P does the same.
Student loan debt: I graduated with about 33K in student debt. I paid this off somewhat aggressively, then was able to pay off the final lump sum with money I received when my grandmother passed away. P also graduated with around 30K in loans, and paid it off before we were dating.
Section Two: Income
Income Progression: Both my husband and I both only very recently started making as much as we do now. My first salary out of college was 30K as a software tester, and P's salary was $29K. We changed jobs and even moved across the country twice growing our career. When we moved to Baltimore a little over 5 years ago, I was making 49K and P was an hourly employee with no benefits, but earned around 52K a year. I was able to switch from a software tester to a systems engineer a couple of years ago, and that is when my salary began to really increase. I received a 10% raise this year and a promotion, which bumped me over the 100K mark. P's salary increased a bit when he became a full time employee with benefits. His job here in Baltimore was a really challenging transition for him, but he really stepped up and his hard work definitely payed off.
Main Job Monthly Take Home: I get paid biweekly, each paycheck is 2257.20, my monthly is usually 4514,40, except for the two months where I get an extra paycheck. P's monthly take home is 5400. Our combined monthly take home is usually 9,914
Section Three: Expenses
Mortgage: $2240 P pays this.
Daycare: $2200 I pay this!
Donations: Monthly $10 to local NPR. We donate randomly to other organizations throughout the year.
Electric: Usually ~200 in winter, closer to 100 in summer. I pay this.
Wifi/Cable: $120 P pays this.
Cellphone: $128 P Pays this.
Subscriptions Netflix - 12 Hulu - 12 Baltimore Sun - 14 Neighborhood association - 23 (P and I split these)
Pet expenses: We just had to put down one of our cats, who did have considerable expenses at the end of her life, including medication that cost $50 a month, and special medicated food. We still have two cats, but they are all healthy and have no extra expenses for now.
Car insurance: $250
workout classes: I take aerial silks and trapeze, the cost works out to be ~120 a month. It's an expensive hobby but it gives me so much joy.
Section 4: Money Diary
Day 1 - Tuesday
5:30 am - I have a 16 month old (T) who wakes me up at 5:30am. We got a bit of snow on Sunday, and expect his daycare to have a late start today, but T has a runny nose so I have a sneaking suspicion he will be home with us all day today. I give him milk and play with him until it's time to wake up my husband (P). We take turns waking up with T because we both hate mornings.
7 am - P is up, and we give T some sort of food
8:30 am - we agree T cannot go to daycare, so we decide to split the day watching T so we can both work some. I work in the morning, so I bring my laptop downstairs so I can check my email while we get the real breakfast ready. P makes pancakes for himself and T, and he also makes tea for me and coffee for himself. I have a piece of toast with my tea.
9 am - I go upstairs to our spare bedroom which we have converted to be an office thanks to COVID. I try my best to focus on work in the morning. I work on some reports and get some files organized and ready for analysis. At some point in the middle of this I get dressed, wash my face and brush my teeth. Days with T home can get chaotic and my self care often gets dropped.
12:30 pm - P and T ran out and picked up lunch while I was working - we all feast on tacos (T eats an entire chicken taco). $28.14 We normally cook lunch but thanks to the snow and having T home we are mostly out of food.
1 pm - P leaves for work (he cannot do most of his work remotely so he has to go in). T goes down for a nap, and I try to make the house less chaotic, also get a little more work down. T wakes up around 3 and we play for the rest of the afternoon.
5 pm - P is home, we make flatbread pizza with red peppers for T. T has gotten super picky and pizza is one of the few ways he eats any veggies these days, so it's a common offering. P and I have instant ramen for ourselves, with lots of veggies added in from the fridge (we really need groceries).
8 pm - T is asleep, P and I clean up a little, then I video chat some friends of mine for an hour. I remember to order bread, which is delivered on Fridays to the liquor store a couple of blocks from my house. Suddenly it's 10pm and bedtime. $9
Daily Total: 31.14
Day 2 - Wednesday
7:10 am - I am woken up by T running into the bedroom. It was my turn to sleep in a little, never thought how much I would appreciate an after 7am wakeup. P and I discuss T's runny nose. T has no fever or other symptoms, but we play it safe and decide to keep him home one more day. Ugh. T gets as breakfast bar for his first breakfast today.
8:30 am - I make T eggs for 2nd breakfast, get ready for another half day of work (I am working in the morning again).
10 am - I am trying to pay attention to meetings but it is hard. T is clearly fussy and tired of being stuck in the house. He has been cold and miserable when he is brought outside though. Everyone is frustrated and grumpy.
12 pm - I give up on work early, heat up Trader Joe's chicken tikka for lunch. P also heats up a frozen Trader Joe's meal. We heat up some leftover flatbread pizza for T, but he refuses it. He eats yogurt and all of the chicken from my meal. Thanks kid. I start putting together an order from the grocery store (we only do curbside pickup because of COVID). It's going to be a larger order because it's been longer than usual since we have gotten groceries.
5 pm - P gets home with takeout. P gets a veggie burger, I get meatballs, we get spaghetti for T. We offer T some of our meals, he refuses everything except the spaghetti. $47.53
7:45 pm - T is in bed, I log back into work. A coworker send me some documentation to review, I do that and also start going through files and gathering data. While I work P makes pumpkin bread!!
9:15 pm - I log off for the night. I play Just Dance on the switch and dance around alone in my living room for a half hour to get some sort of exercise in.
Daily Total: 47.53
Day 3 - Thursday
6:10 am - Woken up by T. It's after 6 - yay! I watch T closely, we are hoping to take him to daycare today. His runny nose is still around but seems better.
7 am - T gets some of P's pumpkin bread for breakfast. P is up and we decide to take T to daycare today. We run around throwing everting T needs in a bag, de-ice our 2nd car as P has a dentist appointment at 8 and we haven't used that car since the snow storm.
7:45 am- the whole family somehow makes it out the door. T gets very excited to see he is going back to daycare. He was definitely tired of staying home too. I drop off T and and head back home for an actual full day of work
8:15 am - check email from my kitchen while I make tea. P stops back home after the dentist, makes coffee to bring to work and feeds the cats.
11:45 am - I make the last hello fresh meal I have that has been sitting in the back of the fridge getting sad. It's grilling cheese with veggies and couscous. P shows up around 12:15 and we eat together (he eats the other portion). I started getting hello fresh irregularly in November, to help with my sanity thanks to COVID. [Note - P works just a few minutes from our house, so he has been coming home for lunch every day during COVID times]
1 pm - P heads back to work, I go back upstairs to my "office". The rest of my work day is filled with meetings, screensharing covid life, and writing some code.
4:45 pm - I wrap up work and head out to pick up T. His face lights up when he sees me.
5:15 pm - P makes bean and cheese quesadillas for T and himself. I have half of a Trader Joe's frozen beef and broccoli. T gives up on the quesadillas after a few bites, but accepts some applesauce.
7:45 - T is in bed. P runs out to pick up some beer and tonic for me. I prepare a grilled cheese with some pesto and spinach snuck in for T's lunch tomorrow while P is out. $16.53
8 pm - P is back, I make a gin and tonic and hop on a virtual game night with some of my coworkers. P watches hockey and has some beer.
10pm - go upstairs for bed. Brush teeth, wash face, moisturize, bedtime!
Daily Total: 16.53
Day 4 - Friday
7:10 am - Woken up by T who is trying to climb in the bed to wake me up. P takes him down to have breakfast (pumpkin bread and some oatmeal), while I wake up and brush my teeth. I help get T out the door, then I take a much needed long shower. My showers are either 2 minutes or 20 minutes these days, there is no in between.
8:10 am - P asks if I want anything from the bakery by the daycare. I decline, as we need to finish up the bread we have. He gets himself a raspberry danish and a coffee $7.16
8:20 am- P makes me toast and tea as I empty the dishwasher. Then we eat breakfast together and answer our morning work emails. P is out the door by 9 to go into work, I head upstairs.
12:10 pm - P stopped by the grocery to pick up our order $89.30, and also picked up Chipotle for lunch $13.77. He gets a burrito, I get a bowl. We both add queso to our meals for the first time, because fuck it. The queso makes the meal so decadent and I only want to sleep now. After we finish eating we put away the groceries - they were out of a lot of things we requested. Blah. I can't make much of what I was planning to cook, and continue to feel frustrated with COVID.
1 pm - P heads back to work, I go back upstairs despite the meows from my cat who wants me to stay downstairs on the couch. I wish cat. I eat 2 squares of chocolate to get me through the Friday afternoon (yes, I am the person who eats dark chocolate one square at a time. It can take me a month to get through a bar sometimes. I am a monster)
4 pm- I stop working a little early and jump on a zoom call with a couple of friends. We catch up for a little as I start making veggie fritters in hopes to get T to eat any vegetable.
5 pm - P arrives home with T. I offer T the fritters I made and he eats a few bites. I'll take it. I also quickly cook some pasta and steam some broccoli. I mix in some pesto and call that dinner for P and I. P gets T to eat some applesauce as well.
6:15 pm - I go to my aerial silks class. I have been doing aerial since I moved to Baltimore and I love it! Class is an hour long, after it I stop by the liquor store where the bread I ordered earlier in the week is dropped off. I also pick up a bottle of wine while I am there. $16.34
8 pm - I get home and T is asleep. P and I have a couple of drinks (beer for him, wine for me) and we watch RuPaul's Drag Race. We have watched this show for years and had kinda stopped watching it, but picked it back up in the pandemic times and it's exactly the energy we need.
10:30pm - Head up to bed a little later than we should. Lazy face washing and teeth brushing, then sweet sweet bedtime.
Daily Total: 112.80
Day 5 - Saturday
6:45 am - I wake on my own and T is still asleep!!!! I actually get to wake up for a few minutes on my own before I see that T is up. This is the latest he has ever slept and I am overjoyed. I give T milk and we play and look at every book he owns. At 7:45 we wake up P and we both marvel at how well T slept.
8 am - P starts making breakfast for T and himself. I just have toast and tea as usual.
10 am - Another aerial class for me this morning - this time dance trapeze, my favorite! This class is so challenging but I love it. I come home bruised and worn out. It's not ideal for me to take the two classes so close together, but that is just how the schedule worked out. While I am at class, P takes T to the playground to get some energy out.
12 pm - I try to get T to eat more veggie fritters for lunch, but no luck. He "eats" an apple for awhile, and has his trusty yogurt. I honestly don't remember what P and I eat for lunch.
1pm - T naps. P and I chill on the couch and do as little as possible. I order a pair of leggings off of amazon, as I have only worn leggings this winter and it shows. $25.44
3:30 pm - T is up, and we all get dressed to go to the bookstore near our house, which allows you to shop by appointment only - we have one for 4pm. I am just so excited to go somewhere. We browse for a bit and get 3 books for T, P gets a random book, and I randomly buy an expensive but beautiful cookbook - it's all about lunch bowls, and everything in it looks delicious. We spend a lot, but we never go shopping these days and are glad to support a local business. $70.98
5 pm - Dinner time! I heat up some chicken, which T eats most of. I am able to add a few pieces to some instant ramen I made. I also add spinach, green onion, and corn to my ramen. P makes a burrito for himself (P is vegetarian, which is why we eat completely different meals sometimes. He had no interest in any chicken). After dinner we video chat the grandparents, then it's T's bedtime routine.
7:45 pm - T is asleep. I decide it is time for me to make a chocolate torte. I haven't had a true dessert in awhile and I am craving something, and this is what we have the ingredients for. While I am baking, P runs to a grocery near our house. We don't like going inside a grocery these days, but we really need some of the items that were missing in our last pickup. He comes home with way more than what was on our initial list, but we will use everything $71.71 The cake is out the oven, I make a ganache for the first time ever to top the cake and P is in love. He has a much bigger sweet tooth than me, so he is very supportive of my random baking. We end the night eating cake, having some wine, and just chatting and catching up until we head to bed at too late of an hour.
Daily Total: 161.13
Day 6 - Sunday
7 am - Woken up by P & T. I take T and we play downstairs while P gets as little extra rest. It's snowing/raining outside and it just looks awful. Around 8 P comes downstairs and we agree to order breakfast for delivery since no one wants to do breakfast or anything at all in this weather. I ordered homefries and turkey sausage (something other than toast!!) and P gets an egg and cheese sandwich, and also orders pancakes to share with T. We put something on the TV, which we rarely do with T around, but if there was a day to be lazy this is it. Our food comes quickly and we eat it up! $19.51
10 am - we put T in his high chair and let him go wild with paint. This is fav indoor activity for rainy days. Once he is sufficiently messy, P takes T upstairs to wash off, and I pick up downstairs.
12 pm - P makes mac and cheese for T, which he eats up! Both P and I eat some of the boxed mac and cheese, and never get around to eating anymore.
1 pm - T is down for his nap. I play stardew valley on my PS4, while P plays something on his Switch until T is up. We eat some of the chocolate torte.
3:30 pm - It stopped raining and the sun is out! Once T is up, we all get dressed and walk to the park near our house. T finds lots of good sticks and watches lots of good dogs.
5 pm - I make a chicken noodle soup, P makes a flatbread with pesto and red bell peppers. T eats some chicken from my soup and some of the flatbread.
8 pm - T is down, P runs by walgreens to get diaper cream for daycare, since both groceries were out of it. $15.49 We watch another episode of RuPaul and go to bed around 10pm.
Daily Total: $35
Day 7 - Monday
6:15 am - wakeup by T. Play with all the cars until we wake up P at 7. T gets the last piece of pumpkin bread for breakfast.
7:45 am - Drop of T at daycare. Head back home, P makes me tea and makes himself coffee. We both have toast. As usual, we check email and have breakfast together, then he heads into work at 9.
9 am - I start working on some very exciting reports. Yay Monday. Daycare calls and says T hasn't been eating lunch and asks for advice. They commiserate with me on how tricky he is with food and we come up with a few ideas.
12 pm - I heat up some leftover soup for lunch, P comes home and heats up a burrito. We are both busy with work so todays lunch is a quick one and we don't talk much.
1 pm - I am back to work, back to reports.
4:30 pm - I stop working and get some food ready for T. I make some spaghetti and also some bread with peanut butter on it. P arrives home with T, and T runs into the kitchen asking for food. I give him the plate and he throws everything on the ground. I try not to let his eating (or lack thereof) get to me but it's been hard yall. P can tell I am frustrated and takes T upstairs so I can chill out. I say fuck it and heat up this frozen flatbread thing from trader joe's that we have had in the freezer for awhile for P and I. T decides he will eat that. Whatever kid.
8 pm - T is asleep, P runs out and gets a taco for from the place near our house. I had told daycare how T always eats tacos for us when we get them, so we are going to see if he will eat them at daycare. P also gets a taco for himself, since the flatbread wasn't much food. $7.86
9:30 pm - I eat my feelings in chocolate torte. I also decide I need to do something productive to feel better and that we are going to finally order the next size up carseat for T instead of looking online and getting overwhelmed and never buying something. We decide on using the same brand his current carseat is (Britax) and get a midrange model $201.39. This devolves into watching dumb videos on the internet until it's time for bed.
Daily Total: $209.25
Section 5: TOTALS
Total Expenses - $640.15
Food + Drink - $326.85
Home + Health - $15.49
Clothes + Beauty - $25.44
Transport - $0
Other - $272.37
Section 6: REFLECTION
This was honestly a stressful week for me. The snow days hit a bad time with work for P and I, so we spent more on takeout because of that. We also spend more on groceries than normal, but that was because we had spent much less the previous week and were out of many staples. The carseat was as bigger purchase, but I feel like there is always a bigger purchase around the corner these days, which has been making it harder for us to save as much as we would like.

I'm from Bolivia, and a relative is traveling to USA - Miami in about two weeks, I saved to build my first PC or buy a laptop, I got $1500. It might be my only chance, due to prices here are insane! any suggestions please!

I'm in my late twenties and make $60,000 working as an architect in the northwestern US. Join me for a week in quarantine!

I am in my late twenties and make $60,000 working as an architect in the northwestern US. Not sharing exact details since the industry is a small world and I’d like to share candidly! I should also add that I mention my budgeting software a few times in this post - I’m not sponsored by them, I’m just a little obsessed with budgeting.
INTRO QUESTIONS
Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
Absolutely. My parents both had to be on their own at a very young age, so they were focused on making sure I had solid footing for financial independence. College was a big part of that plan. (You can absolutely build a great career without a college education - this was just my parents' perspective.) Obviously you can no longer pay tuition by scooping ice cream during the summer like they did, but they were very against the idea of loans (to put it lightly) so I wouldn’t have been able to afford 90% of the schools I was accepted to. As a teenager that really bummed me out since I wanted to move away! I ended up going to an in-state university where my tuition was funded via a combo of scholarships from the school, my parents' college savings and state government scholarships. My parents paid my rent for the years I had to live off campus (I remember thinking $400 a month rent was so expensive.....lol) and I funded my spending money with a few different part time jobs, working two or three at any given time. Some of those jobs were at the university and related to my degree so it was good practical experience too!
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
My parents told me things but didn't necessarily explain in detail how everything worked. In hindsight I wish I'd started using something like YNAB much younger so I could understand the impact and potential of my money (whether I saved it or spent it). My parents talked a lot about avoiding consumer debt and warned me about interest as well as depreciation when it came to buying a car brand new or something like that. When I was a young adult they got me Bogle's book which was a good foundation for my knowledge about investing.
Did you worry about money growing up?
I wasn’t worried as much as I was confused. My parents’ advice and influence seemed so opposite of what I saw happening around me. For instance, they are generally against debt of any kind, whereas excessive spending and living on credit seemed to be the status quo for everyone else I knew. They invest money into their hobbies but don't buy flashy cars or new phones or anything like that, even now that they are empty nesters making good money.
There was also a gradual shift where I realized that when I grew up I wasn't going to be making as much money as my parents did, and that was an adjustment. In hindsight, perhaps I should have chosen a career where I would be better compensated, but you'd be hard pressed to convince my eighteen year old self of that. I find my job fulfilling and I think our work has a positive impact on our community, which is worth a lot to me, but good will doesn't pay the rent. If you know anyone planning to become an architect advise them to take any route that doesn’t end in crippling loans. Compensation in this industry is not proportional to the education and experience it takes to get here (more on this later).
Do you worry about money now?
Yes and no. Money is definitely much more of a concern because I don't have a lot of excess, but I do feel I have a good handle on my financial situation and am making progress toward my goals. In the big picture affecting myself and others, I really worry about wage stagnation and income inequality.
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
I became financially independent when I moved out of state after graduation. I definitely have a safety net in my parents, in the sense that I know I wouldn't end up on the street if things really went south - they've loaned me money when I've had to pay for expensive procedures and that sort of thing. I drive an old car that they transferred to me in exchange for doing all the work on their home renovation - perks of having an architect for a child! I marked the categories below where I had a leg up from my family with an asterisk and included those details. I like to be transparent because I feel like shit when I see people my age who own homes, go on vacation, and eat out at restaurants regularly while those things are not possible for me. It's all relative, so someone is probably looking at me the same way. I'm not living an extravagant lifestyle, but having a degree and a car debt-free is a big deal and I can confidently say I wouldn't be where I am today without my family's help.
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
Yes. A few years ago I inherited money following the loss of a family member. The majority of it went into my retirement accounts. I used $300 of it to buy a locket in their memory - I wondered if I would regret that purchase since I've never owned nice jewelry before, but I love it and wear it all the time!
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ASSETS AND DEBT
*Retirement balance: ~$12,000 split between 401k and Roth IRA. I started contributing as soon as I could, and some of this was the money I inherited. My employer doesn't do a 401k match and that plan has a higher expense ratio, so I put most of my retirement savings in the Roth IRA. Right now I have $100 deducted pretax for the 401k just so I have a mix of tax deferred savings.
Checking account balance: $3,029. Money I will use to pay rent, bills, utilities, and pay off my credit card balance each month. I use YNAB to figure out if I have enough money to make a purchase, so I don't pay a lot of attention to the actual bank balance or let it fool me into thinking "Of course you can 'afford' to spend $200 at Sephora!" (Narrator: She could not.)
Savings account balance: $3,235 spread across several accounts. Here are the specifics, if anyone is interested:

Irregular Expenses: $1,631. Money that is set aside for specific purposes but won't be needed for a while. This includes funds for car repairs, taxes, passport/drivers license renewal, annual memberships/subscriptions, and eventual phone, laptop and car replacements. I use the "target balance by date" feature in YNAB. Tracking each future expense is a little over the top, but it gives me a lot of insight into where my money is actually going. I used to have a vague budget but every month there was something "unexpected" that put me in the red, like needing new tires or an annual subscription renewal. Eventually I had to get real about the fact that most of those things COULD have been anticipated and prepared for, had I been paying attention. Once I have more of a financial buffer I'll likely consolidate into simpler categories - for instance, a car category that includes parking, gas, drivers license, registration, maintenance and repairs.
Emergency Fund: $1,604. The emergency fund is really only for income replacement if I get laid off or have to take time off due to injury/disability, which is why it's totally separate. The construction industry has ups and downs and I’ve already been laid off once, which is why I'd like to have a full six months of living expenses to fall back on. First milestone is $3,000 and I'm halfway there!

FSA account balance: $1,200. This covers copays and prescriptions.
Credit card debt: $0. I'm proud of this! Before I started using YNAB I struggled with credit card float but I have a better handle on my expenses now. I am actually living within my means and auto-pay my card in full each month.
*Student loan debt: $0. See the question above about higher education.
Equity: $0, renting. Home ownership? In this economy?
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INCOME
Income progression: I'm skipping over all my minimum wage service industry jobs for the sake of brevity. TL;DR They all sucked. During college I had a few part time jobs during the school year and worked full time during the summer. These jobs ranged from $8-12/hr.
My starting salary after graduation was $43,000. This job was a mess and I got "laid off" AKA taken off the projects I was specifically hired for, replaced by a man, and then told they didn't have enough work to keep me. The boss apparently wanted someone who could be his "right hand man" and I "wasn't the right fit." That was definitely true! This job did a number on my self esteem, since I didn’t have enough experience to know that the things I experienced were very inappropriate (even before the layoff) and that the “problems” with my performance were actually just blatant mismanagement and poor communication. Anyway, onward and upwards....
I was hired by my second job at $48,000 with paid overtime (yay!) but the next year I got promoted to $51,000 WITHOUT overtime, so I actually made less money than the year before. I call that my Demotion Promotion. The next year I went up to $55,000, which basically broke even with the paid overtime year. Then a multiyear shit storm of cancelled projects, pandemic, and economic instability happened. Thankfully I stayed employed and at the end of 2020 I was bumped up to $60,000. This is the first time my take-home pay has changed significantly in at least three years. I wish the raise were more, but obviously I'm lucky to even have kept my job during the pandemic, much less gotten a raise. I also asked to be promoted to a role that I am already doing the work for, and I didn't get that promotion, which made me have second thoughts about my prospects at my current firm. I am also in the process of getting my architectural license, and although it doesn't necessarily mean a pay increase, it will theoretically help give me leverage for promotions and an increase in responsibility. Architects are underpaid in general, especially considering the amount of education and experience required to legally call yourself an architect. Historically it's been a "gentleman's profession" for white men who were already wealthy and wanted to be seen as great artists. The whole foundation of the industry is toxic, although it seems to be changing slowly.. Right now I'm focusing on developing skills and getting experience while also advocating for better and more equitable compensation as much as I can. I am definitely concerned about my long term earning potential, but that might just be a result of my limited experience and stifled opportunities for growth.
Monthly take home: ~$3,700
Gross pay is $5,000. Deductions:

Taxes: ~$1,050
Insurance: $20 (I get medical, dental and vision insurance through work and this is the only thing that gets deducted - yay!)
401k: $100 pretax
FSA: $100

This is my only income. I have thought about pursuing a second income source, but for now I am spending my time studying for licensure exams and focusing on learning and maximizing my earning potential in my industry.
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EXPENSES
Regular monthly expenses:

Rent: $1,400
- I rent a one bedroom apartment with my dog. He is an asshole who doesn't pay his share of rent.
Groceries: $350-$450
- I barely eat at restaurants, even before COVID, so this covers essentially all my food plus things like toilet paper and cleaning products. These days I use Instacart a lot and tip pretty generously, so I include the tips in my grocery budget. Part of my produce needs are currently covered by a farm share subscription I got as a birthday gift (such a good gift idea!)
Parking: $125
- This is for a secured garage. There is a lot of theft/damage to cars in my neighborhood, and it keeps my car out of the elements. I'm trying to make this car last forever!
Carental insurance: $100
Utilities: $100
- Includes electricity, water, gas, sewer, trash.
Internet: $45
Cell phone: $30
Pet insurance: $50
Monthly subscriptions: $45
- Includes streaming, spotify, cloud storage, VPN.
Laundry: $30
Prescriptions: $50
- Paid from my FSA.
Dog: ~$200
- Average monthly cost for vet care, food, supplies, medications

Savings:

Emergency fund: $300
Roth IRA: $200

I have various other categories in my budget that I put money toward each month like donations, gifts, clothing, dining at restaurants. I'm not listing them here since I don't necessarily spend in those areas each month.
______________________________________________________
WEEKLY DIARY

FRIDAY Daily Total: $340.36 (starting off with a bang, apparently!)

7 am: I recently arrived home from traveling, so today is day 1 of the return quarantine. (Before you judge, I was helping a relative who had a big procedure.) I made an effort to use up everything in the fridge before I left, so it's nearly empty. I wake up ravenous and order a breakfast burrito, potatoes and coffee to be delivered: $18.22. I wore my mask door to door, and after a whole day of plane travel without food or water I'm essentially a raisin in human form. I chug water as fast as it'll come out of the tap, inhale my food and log on remotely for work. I have several meetings today. I'm thankful I only need to look presentable from the shoulders up.
11 am: I scheduled a grocery order with Instacart, which came to $202.90. While I'm waiting for the order to arrive and sorting through my inbox, I catch up on my podcasts and hear news of Instacart's recent union busting layoffs. Yikes. Not renewing this year! I hop back on the app and give the delivery person an even more generous tip than usual, and make sure the auto-renewal for Instacart Express is disabled.
1 pm: During lunch I do some online shopping. To thank my friend who house-sat (apartment-sat?) for me, I order a ceramic vase and I'm filling it with little presents and treats: $50. Another friend's birthday is coming up, so I order a few things from another local shop. Her gift comes to $40.46. Finally, I order some pillow inserts for my apartment: $28.78.
2 pm: After attending my meetings and responding to all time sensitive messages, I review consultant drawings and make some notes for what I need to tackle over the course of next week. I snack pretty much continuously. One of my favorite things about working from home is that I can eat freely without dealing with stupid commentary or diet talk. No, Sharon, I don't want to hear about how you're "so bad" for eating an entire cookie or how you're attempting keto for the millionth time. When we were in the office, some of my coworkers would make comments on how the lunch I packed was so healthy, as if it were some moral achievement. Bitch, I'm getting coffee and eating a piece of cake when I'm done with this salad! I have endocrine issues and have struggled with weight fluctuations my entire life. At this point I've done a lot of work to address my relationship with food and dieting, and I know that sort of talk is really not helpful for me. I'm sure my coworkers don't have bad intentions but I'm just over it.
6 pm: After work I sort through the mail and packages that arrived while I was away. I'm so tired. I stretch, do a face mask and eat half a THC gummy before bed. I sleep like the dead.

SATURDAY Daily total: $33.24

10 am: Nothing on my calendar this weekend! I devote the day to cleaning and doing projects around the apartment. I struggle with renting because I want to fix things up and make changes, especially since I do this sort of thing for a living! Even though I'm a really good tenant and have been here for years, my crappy landlord won't allow improvements even if I paid for the materials and/or labor myself. One of my windows has a crack in the glass that the property manager said isn't a problem because "it's not a hole." These windows are like ninety years old, so I'm pretty sure it's gonna become a hole any day now - I'm just hoping it's not winter when that happens. For my next apartment I'd really like to find an individual who owns and manages the property themselves so I have more flexibility and someone will actually appreciate my efforts to keep the place in good shape! Those landlords are few and far between these days.
12 pm: Even though it's cold AF, I open the windows to get some fresh air inside. Spring cleaning can be in January right? To complement my organizing efforts, I order some bins and refill tape for my label maker: $33.24.
3 pm: I lay on the floor, hoping to bask in the silence and lack of responsibilities. However, my neighbors are loud af. I wonder how much you have to spend on rent to get an apartment with any semblance of sound isolation?
7 pm: I mostly forget to eat today and end up feeling like crap as a result. This is not good for anyone but especially people with hormone issues. I end up eating a bunch of beef jerky and Starbursts for dinner instead of an actual meal (do as I say, not as I do, I guess.....)

SUNDAY Daily total: $0

9:30 am: Slept in late again. I had crazy night terrors the entire night - they get a lot worse for me during periods of stress and anxiety, and I’m sure my beef & candy dinner didn’t help. Weed helps, hence the gummies. I wear an Apple Watch and when I look at my sleep patterns it's really obvious which nights I used THC. Thank you, drugs!
I eat a big bowl of fruit and yogurt for breakfast - I splurged on berries when I got groceries! I left coffee grounds steeping overnight for cold brew, so I prep that too. I don't mind drinking iced coffee in the winter and it's so much easier than doing pour-over every day.
1 pm: I schedule a drive-through COVID test for later in the week. The weather is pretty godawful - it was supposed to snow but that quickly became freezing rain instead. I manage to sneak in a few short walks with my dog but otherwise we spend the day snuggled under a blanket eating snacks and watching Schitt's Creek.

MONDAY Daily total: $95

8 am: Very few meetings today, so I dig through the rest of the emails and messages I missed while traveling last week.
12 pm: During lunch I lay in my bed - one of the luxuries of remote work, second only to elastic waistbands. On the other hand, I have pandemic fatigue and it's being exacerbated by the shitty weather. Returning to isolation in my apartment is jarring. The space is small. My loud neighbors suck. I wish I could go on a long walk. I miss my family. I want a hug. I am tired of hearing people complain about how hard "isolation" is when they have a house, partner, backyard, cable, and a ten person "pod" to socialize with. The only human contact I had for nearly a year was with my dentist drilling out an old filling. When I traveled to see my family I quarantined upon arrival and got tested, but I still didn't feel comfortable snuggling and hugging them since we would need to be in and out of hospitals for the procedure and appointments. It was still wonderful to see them in person, despite the circumstances. My stress and loneliness is fuel for the fire of my rage at people who still don't take this shit seriously. I cope by snuggling my dog, who I am always thankful for but especially now. I'm really glad that we are able to spend so much time together.
1:30 pm: I spend the rest of the day cleaning up drawings and prepping for a meeting tomorrow.
7 pm: I got a surprise bill in the mail for one of the COVID tests I took when I was traveling. I have to pay $95 on top of the copay at the visit - this is the price WITH insurance. Our healthcare system is garbage.
12 am: I can’t sleep. I get a tickle in my throat. I think it’s a result of having the radiator on for several days straight - my nose, mouth and eyes are all very dry - but I get up and check my temperature (normal) and make sure I can still smell the detergent scent on my pajamas (I can). I put in some eye drops before going back to bed.

TUESDAY Daily total: $0 and some sanity

8:57 am: I stay in bed until the very last minute.
\a frenzy of anxiety that lasts the entire day**
5 pm: The focus of my anxiety runs the gamut from work to COVID to earthquakes to my dog’s health to increasing cost of living. I make it through work despite my rapidly crumbling mental state. I try to give myself a break and remind myself that it’s okay if I’m not doing my absolute best in the midst of all this. In any case, the meeting I prepared for yesterday got pushed to next week and nobody informed me. 🙄 I check my temperature. While I’m at it, I take my blood pressure and note that too.
P.S. Regarding anxiety disorders, I am prescribed medication and go to therapy. I highly recommend seeking therapy if you’re having trouble dealing with things on your own - you don't need to have a diagnosed disorder to benefit from it. Many providers do sliding scale.
6 pm: The weather is absolutely disgusting. I have very few opportunities for exercise between bad weather, no gyms, and living in an apartment above someone else. Even if I suit up in all my rain gear, my dog refuses to walk very far when it's wet. Maybe I should move my coffee table tomorrow so I can do some weights or yoga.
7 pm: I catch up on the WSB/GME mayhem and memes, then I play around with the forecasting tool on my 401k website. After my upcoming paycheck I might experiment with bumping my 401k contribution up. If my living expenses don't increase, I might be able to get closer to 10% over the course of this year without too much pain.
9 pm: I snuggle my dog and play games on my phone until bedtime.

WEDNESDAY Daily total: $37.50

7 am: My farm share box arrives today. Thank god - I dropped the ball and got very few veggies in my grocery order, plus I've been rationing the berries I spent so much money on.
9:30 am: I get my COVID swab. I had to drive half an hour to get there. I wonder what the bill will be for this one. Results could take up to a week. Why isn't this easier? On the way home I get gas: $37.50.
10 am: Since I got back earlier than expected and it's not raining (!!!!) I take the opportunity to go on a walk with my dog. It's really nice to sweat and get my heart rate up a bit.
11:30 am: My dog was snoring so loudly that I had to mute myself during a call. I guess the walk wore him out!
8 pm: I finish up work and join a zoom happy hour with some friends. I bust out a bottle of wine that I got for Christmas. The call is pretty fun, although by the end I definitely have screen fatigue. I go to bed pretty much immediately.

THURSDAY Daily total: $7.89

6 am: After about 5 am I couldn't get back to sleep, so I get up and take the dog for a walk. Until I get a negative test I've been wearing my mask even outdoors, and it leads to condensation from my breath forming droplets on my eyelashes. When it's cold enough, they freeze. Facial icicles - just another thrilling pandemic experience. After I get home I towel off my dog's muddy paws, rinse my face and get to work, since I have six hours straight of meetings today. (Ugh)
~a million years later~
6 pm: I order a new digital thermometer because mine consistently tells me my temperature is just above 96 degrees and that can't be true? Anyway, it's $7.89. I detach my butt from my desk chair and go make some pasta with pesto for dinner.
8 pm: I start getting my shit together to study for my next licensure exam. They've been looming over me. I got derailed by COVID - maybe I can pass the rest in 2021? If there were a guaranteed raise or promotion I'd probably be a lot more motivated to shell out $1400+ for these tests....
9 pm: I figure preparing to study is enough for today. I download a few library books on my kindle, take half a THC gummy and snuggle in bed to read.
12 am: Before I go to sleep I check my phone and see that I tested negative for COVID! I'm glad the results came back so fast, and it's a huge relief - I'm very thankful for all the measures I took to travel safely even though it was not at all fun or comfortable. Stoned and sleepy, I dream sweet dreams of the paycheck hitting my account tomorrow morning, and I can't fucking wait to budget it.
______________________________________________________
WEEKLY EXPENSES

Food + Drink: $221.12
- $202.90 groceries
- $18.22 delivery
Fun / Entertainment: $0 (Thank god library books and fucking around on the internet are free)
Home + Health: $164.91
- $102.89 medical
- $62.02 home items
Clothes + Beauty: $0
Transport: $37.50 on gas
Other: $90.46 on gifts

GRAND TOTAL: $513.99
______________________________________________________
REFLECTION
This was definitely a higher spending week than usual, primarily due to the fact that I was just returning from out of town and had to put gas in the car, which doesn't happen often since I work from home right now and walk most places. I think my spending is typically pretty responsible. My main financial priority in 2020 was creating a realistic budget - I had been using YNAB for a while but kept underestimating how much money I needed in each category. I dialed that in, and now in 2021 I'd like to focus on minimizing expenses where possible (especially things that aren't important to me) as well as saving (both in my emergency fund and retirement) so I can get that sweet, sweet compound interest. In 2021 I'd also really like to improve my wardrobe and look a bit more professional, but I'm obviously not motivated to spend money on work clothes while we are still 100% remote. Long term I would really like to increase my income, especially since the cost of living is only going up. That means getting my license is high on the list of priorities.
Hope you enjoyed the diary, and let me know if there is anything unclear that I can elaborate on further!
(edited to fix a few grammar and math issues!)

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